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That old oak in the forest is one of the noblest works of God. Look at it bursting into full leaf, bearing well its verdant honors, and making a picture worthy of the artist’s rarest skill. What are these dry pieces of wood that strew the ground beneath it? What are these large branches that rot under…

Another married couple had a quarrel and ended up giving each other the silent treatment. A week into their mute argument, the man realized he needed his wife's help. In order to catch a flight to Chicago for a business meeting, he had to get up at 5 a.m. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence,…

Police visited Vladimir, a resident of Berlin Germany. They confiscated his air raid siren because neighbors were complaining about it’s piercing wail. Which may leave you asking the question, “Why did Vladimir have an air raid siren to begin with?” It’s simple: Vladimir was tired of his wife’s loud…

I read of one man who read a book entitled, Man of the House, while he was riding the train to and from work. On the evening he finished the book, this newly “enlightened” husband stormed into his home and confronted his wife. Pointing his finger in her face, he said, "From now on, I want you to know…

They knew the cadets were waffling. Some were pulling south, others north. They knew that the only hope they had to unite them was to appeal to their sense of patriotism and duty. So on that February day they marched them into the chapel to celebrate what they designed to be a unifying event. They thought…

The wedding guests have gathered in great anticipation; the ceremony to be performed today has long been awaited. The orchestra begins to play the wedding march, and the choir rises in proper precision. The bridegroom and his assistants gather in front of the chancel. One little saint, her flowered hat…

A community which cannot bear and cannot survive such a crisis, which insists upon keeping its illusion when it should be shattered, permanently loses in that moment the promise of Christian community. Sooner or later it will collapse. Every human wish dream that is injected into the Christian community…

“The only place I have ever had a gun displayed in a conflict was in a Church of Christ.” Randy Lowry, 5-11-95

This is not to say that for such individuals there is no hope for rehabilitation, reconciliation, recovery, or recuperation. But empathy alone will never promote the self-organization necessary for learning from experience; that can only come about when they are put into a position of choice in which…

According to the Research Institute of America’s recent study, here’s what service- providing organizations can expect from dissatisfied customers: They will hear nothing from 96 percent of customers who receive rude or discourteous service. Each of these dissatisfied customers will tell his or her story…

Here are three of my favorite tools for structuring group dialogue: Interviews – Select one to three people from each perspective on the issue. In the presence of the entire group, interview them about their viewpoint. Group Spectrum – In a spectrum, the leader draws an imaginary line and designates…

Resolution is getting the people out of the fire. Reconciliation is getting the fire out of the people.

Yesterday, in a workshop, I was working with a small group of people around the search for meaning in congregations. I’ve been fascinated recently to discover that, in congregations, there is a longing for a renewed understanding of the meaning of their life in the community in which they are situated.…

A Kenyan was looking at a field of weeds. He said, “You Americans think if you bring enough top soil, you can cover the weeds and settle the conflict. We would pull up the weeds.” Randy Lowry, 5-11-95

Ron asked two questions: What is the worst thing that could happen if we don’t resolve this conflict? and What is the best thing that could happen if we resolve this conflict? Again, he wrote their answers down. It became clear that the outcome of this conflict would either make or break the church.…

We live in a world where destructive conflict poisons relationships. Parents abuse their children. Children despise their parents. Spouses dominate their mates. Politicians destroy their opponents. Even in churches, conflict tears congregations apart. It happened in the early church (see 1 Cor. 1:11-15;…

The reality is that conflict is present and can be both useful and debilitating. The following generalizations can be made about our current conflict and ways of coping with it: • Conflict is real, persistent, and sometimes mean. • Conflict can be normal, abnormal, or spiritual. • Conflict can escalate…

If the new pastor has the skills, information, and political support to raise the formation questions again effectively, a new era of vitality might ensue. More typically, the forces driving the decline — internal dysfunction, external change, or both — will be ignored until things get worse. In that…

Oakland A’s manager Billy Martin has a formula for managerial success which he expressed in a recent issue of Sports Illustrated. “You’ll have fifteen guys who will run through a wall for you, five who hate you, and five who are undecided. The trick is keeping the five who hate you away from the five…

What we won’t talk about, we will divorce (divide) about. James Jones, 3-5-84

“I see our church’s biggest problems as communication and procrastination.” “Let’s not talk about it ‘til later.” Leadership, Winter 1996, page 81

Health is 10 percent what happens and 90 percent how we respond. Healthy Congregations, Peter L. Steinke, page 17

Do you want the conflict or do you want the resolution? Randy Lowry, 5-11-95

“The terrorist lives for terror, not for the change he tells himself he wants. He masks his desire to kill and destroy behind the curtain of a cause.” - Louis L’Amour Reader’s Digest, July 1995, page 17

You Know It’s A Bad Meeting When... The church loudmouth rises to his feet and announces dramatically, “I can no longer remain silent...” Mike Wallace and the 60 Minutes crew are there to film it. Your picture ends up on a milk carton. People arrive at the meeting, clutching copies of books about “spiritual…