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Chuch Swindoll: A sophomore in college who was in need of a car, and one night he had a series of dreams, and everything in his dreams was in yellow. So, feeling let by the Spirit he began to hit the used car lots the next day going from one to another, and finally he found what he KNEW was God's will:…

"Anyone with needs to be prayed over, come forward, to the front at the altar," the Preacher says. Leroy gets in line, and when it's his turn, the preacher asks: "Leroy, what do you want me to pray about for you." Leroy replies: "Preacher, I need you to pray for my hearing." The preacher puts one finger…

In the book The Tarzan Chronicles by Howard Green (Hyperion Publishing, 1999) is the story of how the animators brought Tarzan to the motion picture screen. In that book you can read the journals that were kept by the directors of the movie, Chris Buck and Kevin Lima. In Buck's journal, dated February…

She is not a BAD COOK She is MICROWAVE COMPATIBLE. She does not WORK OUT TOO MUCH. She is an ABDOMINAL OVERACHIEVER. She does not get FAT or CHUBBY. She achieves MAXIMUM DENSITY. She is not CONCEITED. She is INTIMATELY AWARE OF HER BEST QUALITIES. She does not SHAVE HER LEGS. She experiences TEMPORARY…

A man and his wife are sitting in the living room and he says to her, "Just so you know, I never want to live in a vegetative state dependent on some machine. If that ever happens, just pull the plug." His wife gets up and unplugs the TV.

(Thanks to The Gospel Greats for today's humor. KB) YOU KNOW YOU HAVE HAD TOO MUCH COFFEE WHEN... You get a speeding ticket even when you're parked You grind your coffee beans in your mouth You sleep with your eyes open You have to watch videos in fast-forward You lick your coffee pot clean Your eyes…

I once heard a story about Tom Murphy, a journeyman relief pitcher acquired in the mid-1970s by the Red Sox. Murphy had an identical twin. Identical, except for that strand of DNA that enables one to effectively pitch a baseball. When the team would travel to Anaheim, Murphy would dress his twin in his…

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true? A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it, don't waste them away on exercise. Everything wears out eventually, speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life…

COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni- kay-shon) Female... The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner. Male... Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) Female.... A device for changing from one TV channel to another. Male... A device for…

It was a terrible night, blowing cold and rain in a most frightful manner. The streets were deserted, and the local baker was just about to close up shop when a little man slipped through the door. He carried an umbrella, blown inside out, and he was bundled in two sweaters and a thick coat. But even…

Dentist's Hymn...............................Crown Him with Many Crowns Weatherman's Hymn.......................There Shall Be Showers of Blessings Contractor's Hymn..........................The Church's One Foundation The Tailor's Hymn..........................Holy, Holy, Holy The Golfer's Hymn.........................There's…

I was depressed last night, so I called Lifeline. Got their call center in Pakistan. I told them I was suicidal. ... They got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck.

There were 11 people hanging onto a rope that was attached to an airplane flying at 2000 ft. Ten were men and one was a woman. They all decided that one person must get off or the rope would break and they would all die. No one would decide who should go. Finally the woman gave a really touching speech…

I was depressed last night, so I called Lifeline. Got their call center in Pakistan . I told them I was suicidal. They got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck.

Comprehending Engineers A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!" The pastor said,…

From the Reader's Digest: A Mafia Godfather hires a deaf bookkeeper, because a deaf bookkeeper can't hear anything he might have to testify about in court. The Godfather finds out his bookkeeper cheated him out of 10 million bucks. The Godfather's lawyer knows sign language, and both pay the bookkeeper…

Dark, Train, Kissing, Slap A young Soldier and his Commander have to ride a train to a conference in Europe so they find their seats and find out they are in a cabin with a beautiful young woman and her grandmother facing each other. Within the first hour everyone realizes that the young woman and the…

Brewster the Rooster Zebediah was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young layers, called pullets, and eight or ten roosters, whose job was to fertilize the eggs. Zeb kept records, and any rooster that didn't perform well went into the soup pot and was replaced. That took an awful…

One day my mother was out and my dad was in charge. I was maybe 1½ years old. Someone had given me a little 'tea set' as a gift and it was one of my favorite toys. Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news and my brother was playing nearby in the living room when I brought Daddy a little…

A man was taking it easy, laying on the grass and looking up at the clouds. He was identifying shapes when he decided to talk to God. "God", he said, "how long is a million years?" God answered, "In my frame of reference, it's about a minute." The man asked, "God, how much is a million dollars?" God…

A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's half past three in the morning. "I'm not getting out of bed atthis time," he thinks, and rolls over. Then, a louder knock follows. "Aren't you going to answer that?" says his wife.…

Hebrews 10:25 A small town had only three Churches in it, but they all suffered with the same problem. You see, all three had a serious problem with squirrels getting into the Church. Now each Church, in its own fashion, had a meeting to deal with the problem. The first Church congregation decided that…

JOKE: For example when they had a fight, Eve couldn’t call her mother on the phone to complain. Eve never had to cope with the in-laws coming over for dinner. Adam couldn’t compare her cooking to his mother’s. Eve couldn’t talk about all the other men she could have married. One week Adam came home late…

(Thanks to Cybersalt for today's humor. KB) AFROPHOBIA: Fear of the return of the 70's hair styles. DEJA FLU: The feeling that one has had this cold before. HYPOCOINDRIA: Fear of not having correct change. HAIRPIECE SWIMPLEX: Rash caused by wearing a toupee in a pool. CELESTIAL SEASONINGS AFFECTIVE DISORDER:…

1. A day without sunshine is like night. 2. On the other hand, you have different fingers. 3. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot. 4. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name. 5. Remember, half the people you know are below average. 6. He who laughs last, thinks slowest. 7. Depression…