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All excuses are not created equal. Recently a Canadian resident found a “postal worker's delivery failure notice” in his mailbox explaining why the postal worker did not leave a package at his home—it was because there was a “bear at door.” "Ok, fair enough” the man tweeted, “that's a decent reason to…

A survey by CareerBuildercom found that nearly a third of workers called in sick to their employer to get a day off. One in six ditched work just to catch up on sleep. Some of the more creative fabrications include a botched hair-dye job, a grandmother who was being exhumed for a police investigation,…

The commanding officer was furious when nine GIs who had been out on passes failed to show up for morning roll call. Not until 7 p.m. did the first man straggle in. “I’m sorry, sir,” the soldier explained, “but I had a date and lost track of time, and I missed the bus back. Being determined to get in…

Excuses? "It's impossible." All things are possible (Luke 18:27). "I'm too tired." I will give you rest (Matt. 11:28-30). "Nobody really loves me." I love you (John 3:16; 13:34). "I can't go on." My grace is sufficient" (2 Cor. 12:9; Ps. 91:15). "I can't figure things out." I will direct your steps (Prow…

Divers’ Diseases The old preacher stood up to preach. He read his text in Matthew 4:24, “… they brought unto him all sick people that were taken with divers’ diseases.” The preacher said: “Now, the doctors can examine you, analyze you, and sometimes cure your ills, but when you have divers’ diseases,…

DISTRACTIONS A Texas man says a low flying pelican and a dropped cell phone caused him to damage his expensive sports car. The man was driving a 2006 Bugatti Veyron (the fastest and most expensive production vehicle in the world) north on a frontage road about 35 miles southeast of Houston when the bird…

It has been said that blaming your faults on your nature does not change the nature of your faults. Thus, “I am like that” does not help anything. “I can be different” does. I’m OK You’re OK, Thomas A. Harris M.D., page 140

As psychiatrists we cringe whenever patients use the word can’t. They say, for example, “I just can’t get along with my husband.” “My husband and I just can’t communicate.” “I can’t seem to discipline my children the way I should.” “I can’t give up the affair I am having.” “I can’t find a job.” “I can’t…

The new preacher looked coldly at Deacon Smith and said he had heard that the deacon went to a ball dame instead of to church last Sunday. “That s a lie:” the shocked deacon cried, “and I’ve got the fish to prove it.” Gospel Advocate, October 23, 1975

Lady, after being absent the previous Sunday, was called. She said her husband needed rest. She also said that she would not be there the following Sunday. However, she said that every time she missed she had an excuse.

EXCUSES A survey conducted by Careerbuilder.com found that in 2004, 43 percent of workers in the United States called in sick when they felt fine. The results indicate a growing trend, because the numbers were up from 35 percent from the previous year. The survey revealed excuses for missing work were…

We are all manufactures – some make good, others make trouble and still others make excuses.

The manager of a semi-pro baseball team was so beset with health and injury problem, he sent his shortstop into left field to play a game. In seven innings, the converted outfielder dropped three easy flies, committed four throwing errors and let a grounder get through him. Furious, the manager took…

Results, Not Excuses For some time now, the members of our church that work at Intel have been praying against my office computer with a Cyrix CPU. Their prayers were answered last week--it gasped, and returned multiple registry errors as I rushed it to the local computer emergency room. The repairman…

I had to give up jogging for my health . . . My thighs kept rubbing together and setting my pantyhose on fire. I’m So Glad You Told Me What I Didn’t Want to Hear, Barbara Johnson, page 11

In Argentina, everyone is required by law to spend two years in military service. One fellow showed up at the induction center objecting, “What good would I be? I have no arms!” They put him in the army anyway. At basic training camp his commanding officer said, “See that fellow up there on the hill…

Church Attendance “Get Up and Go, Church Members” (Dear Abby Column) Dear Abby: I thought this was so good, more people should see it. It’s written in a half-teasing way, but there’s a lot of truth in it. I hope it makes your column. -V.M., Bremerton, Wash. Dear V.M.: It did. Dear Church Member: Don’t…