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CHILDREN: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 telling them to sit down and shut-up. Grandchildren are God's reward for not killing your children. Mothers of teens know why some animals eat their young. Children seldom misquote you. In fact,…

Rev. W. O. Taylor, 91, was the oldest man attending the Southern Baptist Convention a few years ago. At the annual free breakfast for retirees, Brother Taylor rose and recited his own alliterative version of the parable of the prodigal son, which he entitled "The Final Fixing of the Foolish Fugitive"

There is the story of a preacher who got up one Sunday and announced to his congregation: I have good news and bad news. The good news is, we have enough money to pay for our new building program. The bad news is, it's still in your pockets. ------------------------------------------------- While driving…

God's missing and they think we did it!

> Why We Love Kids > >> > >>I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening > >>when a > >>woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was > >>stark > >>naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my five-year-old > >>shout from > >>the back seat, "Mom! That lady…

God divided the hands into fingers so that money could slip through. Martin Luther

THE IDEAL WIFE Always beautiful and cheerful. Could have married movie stars but wanted only you. Beauty that won’t run in a rainstorm. Never sick. Just allergic to jewelry and fur coats. Insists that moving furniture by herself is good for her figure. Expert in cooking, cleaning the house, fixing the…

Shipwrecked 8/27/2007 There were two men shipwrecked on this island. The minute they got on to the island one of them started screaming and yelling, "We're going to die! We're going to die! There's no food! No water! We're going to die!" The second man was propped up against a palm tree and acting so…

Getting into fights A young couple drove several miles down a country road, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument, and neither wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules and pigs, the husband sarcastically asked, "Are they relatives of yours?" "Yes,"…

CHURCH HUMOR Adam and Eve had an ideal marriage. He didn't have to hear about all the men she could have married, and she didn't have to hear about the way his mother cooked. ***** An elderly woman died last month. Having never married, she requested no male pallbearers. In her handwritten instructions…

EXPLANATION OF GOD: (Written by an 8-year-old in California)

BIBLE MEDITATION: “For thus saith the high and lofty One that inhabiteth eternity, whose name is Holy.” Isaiah 57:15 DEVOTIONAL THOUGHT: “Thou shalt not take the name of the LORD thy God in vain” ( Exodus 20:7 ). We all know that profanity is one way that you can take God’s name in vain, but I’ll tell…

[HUMOR] You could have heard a pin drop When in England , at a fairly large conference, Colin Powell was asked by the Archbishop of Canterbury if our plans for Iraq were just an example of 'empire building' by George Bush. He answered by saying, 'Over the years, the United States has sent many of its…

Monday, August 20, 2007 FOOTBALL QUOTES Subject: FOOTBALL PHILOSOPHY At Georgia Southern, we don't cheat. That costs money and we don't have any." Erik Russell / Georgia Southern. "Football is only a game. Spiritual things are eternal. Nevertheless, Beat Texas." Seen on a church sign in Arkansas prior…

When people make sarcastic remarks, they say one thing, that if taken at face value has the exact opposite meaning that they wish to convey. For instance, they may say, “nice going” when someone makes a blunder. Many times, it is a light-hearted way to take the edge off a criticism that encourages everyone…

Napoleon is a struggling teenager in the now classic namesake film, “Napoleon Dynamite.” In an interaction which has since become the source of many internet memes, when he finds out his new friend Pedro is asking a girl out on a date, Napoleon laments his own lack of the “skills” that a girlfriend might…

Saturday Night Live (SNL) is known for commenting and lightening the mood around serious topics. Most of the time their humor is well received and lighthearted, however, in the fall of 2018, a cast member made fun of Congressman elect Dan Crenshaw. Congressman Crenshaw is a war hero and was a member…

Jerry Merryman was a man who changed the world. When he died in February 2019, friends and family remembered him as brilliant and a kind man with a good sense of humor. Merryman and a team of two other men invented the hand-held calculator while working for Texas Instruments. Their work received a Nobel…

Have you been jilted? Do you still feel the pain? Well a British zoo is offering jilted lovers a way to get revenge. For only $2 on Valentine’s Day 2019 people could name a cockroach after their ex-sweetheart. “The Hemsley Conservation Center will display the “worthless ex-‘someone’s” name outside its…

According to news reports, Joshua Tackett, a 29-year-old New Hampshire resident crashed his car in front of his local police headquarters. Police later arrested him on the suspicion of drunk driving. In his mug shot, he is wearing a t-shirt that says, “This guy needs a beer.” While many viewing the picture…

In his autobiography, Vignettes of a Wonderful Life, Ralph Palmer lists four mottos that guide his life. 1. “Remember always to talk to and obey the Lord each day. 2. Thank God for the ability to see and enjoy beauty in all things. 3. Have an adventure a day to add spice to life and keep boredom away.…

Background: This is an excerpt from an unpublished book by Brad Berglund. It explores the Christian adage: Wise men still seek him. What would it be like if modern seekers were with the wise men when they worshiped Jesus? Higher-Status was the young adult son of a nobleman. He represented the next generation…

After John Hinckly, Jr. shot President Reagan, Reagan woke up in the hospital recovery room with his wife Nancy at his side looking down at him and extremely upset. Reagan always joked with Nancy when she was upset, so he said, “Honey, I forgot to duck.” That’s what the great fighter Jack Dempsey said…

While Ronald Reagan was president, a thirteen year-old boy sent him a letter requesting disaster relief funds because his mother asked him to clean his room. Recently, an Internet blogger rediscovered the letter and reposted it. In the original request, seventh grader Andy Smith from South Carolina wrote,…

Published September 19, 2013 FoxNews.com Someone just paid David Rees, of Beacon, N.Y., $35 to sharpen a pencil. "I think people think: 'Wow, I can't believe he actually did it,'" Rees said. "I wasn't sure what would happen when I sent this guy my money." Now before you write him off as some con-artist…