Marriage
Notes
Transcript
Intro
Intro
Dear brothers and sisters, friends, still remember that date I did my brother’s wedding. It was in the Chinese university. The church was very beautiful. It was on a little hill. My brother and his current wife are both beatuiful, haven’t seen my brother so neat for a long while, actually everyone is beatuiful. There are still a few you know go casual with jeans but most were wearing their best. And then I was asked to preached. I was a bit nervous because it was a bit last minute. I thought I could prepare in HK but my journey was packed. Anyway, it was my second point. I was looking into today’s passage and I said, marriage is a painful convenant. Yes I said that. And immediately I see people grasp, feeling uncomfortable. There was absolute silence. And unfortunately I see Jessica’s parents, their faces turned black. Not particularly happy I guess. I think my wife was not particular happy either. But don’t worry, I didn’t end with that point. And since then I have been more careful with weddings.
But after that sermon, interestingly some old couples come to me. And they said thanks for acknowledging it. It was not easy for them but God’s word comfort them and encourage them. But isn’t it especially true in the post-covid, 21st century. As we gathered as pastors in the churches in the northern side of Sydney, a pastor shared on that day he has to counsel three married couples that their marriage is in crsisis. The thing is that the marriage institution is being attacked from all sides. 21st century we saw the divorce rate went right up, nearly twice since 1960. The definition of marriage has changed in 2017. The average marriage length is around 14 years in Australia. Probably a lot of you are doing very good. Many more people are cohhabitation because they felt marriage would made them unhappy. But covid didn’t help the situation either, it probably worsen it. Some relationship was stress with such a crisis, some relationships are weaken. So in a way the upcoming 5 weeks, we would like God speak to you in your every relationship, to encouage you, to strength you. In the upcoming five weeks, we would look at human relationships post-covid, marriage, kids, friends, parents and work colleagues and neighbours. Just want to say to all the singles here. Please rest assured you will not be exlcluded in this series. Actually knowing about marriage is good in that you will not have too high an expectation of marriage, either too low. It will help you encourage others. May God help us to in seeking to continue love in every relationship. Let’s pray:
Genesis 2 and Ephesians 5 are probably the two most important Biblical text on marriage. Hopefully there will be time for me to do a few more later on. There is some much to talk about this topic. But let’s start today with Genesis 2. The first marriage out of all the marriages of all marriage. And this marriage passage also provide great resources sustaining a marriage. Let’s look at this passage to learn what we need for a good marraige over the long run, over decades. Want to share will you three things in particular.
The beginning: God’s design
The beginning: God’s design
The first point to all marriage, no matter which stage you are, is to remember that marriage is God’s design. Marriage is God’s design. It is customary in weddings for the bride to walk to the groom, often accompanied by her father or someone else. Genesis 2 shows us that the tradition strectheds back to the garden of Eden. In this case it is God who is doing the honours, drawing the wife to the husband. To give you a bit of background.From the creation of the whole cosmic in Genesis 1, Genesis 2 talks about God being close, and giving peace and joy to his creatures, especially man and woman. After creating the men, and giving him a place to live in the garden of Eden, God gave him a task, Genesis 2:15 “The Lord God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to work it and keep it.” All is good here. Actually, there were six joyous refrains from God, and God saw that all his creation. So in verse 18, readers unprepared for the “not good” Genesis 2:18 “Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.”” The observation and declaration of Adam’s need is all GOd’s. God did not consult Adam. INdeed, Adam may not even have known that he was alone. Remember, he was in Eden with every bountiful provision his heart could desire, including all animals under his rule. It seems to be God image, God does not only want to share a God-human relationship, he wants his creatures to have human and human relationship as well, just like him being one in three. So God is going to make a helper for him. And to do that, he gave Adam an awareness program. Genesis 2:19-20 “Now out of the ground the Lord God had formed every beast of the field and every bird of the heavens and brought them to the man to see what he would call them. And whatever the man called every living creature, that was its name. The man gave names to all livestock and to the birds of the heavens and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper fit for him.” As Adam fulfilled his kingly responsibility of interpreting the animals for what they were and giving them appropriate names, he saw there was none that corresponded to him, even animals have them. So Adam began to long for companionship with a being like himself. God was preparing him to value his helper.
Therefore, marriage is not only a human construct, where the society needs marraige to maintain. Marriage is also not only because we fall in love, and then to commmit so we marry. Marraige ultimately is God’s design, the creator’s design, that man is alone and is not good, that he needs a helper, so both of them could cultivate the land, and fill the earth with God’s glory. Right from the creation starts, God already have plan for marriage, God created man, and than woman to help him, and then marriage to seal their relationship. No wonder when Jesus quoting this passage, he also said, Matthew 19:6 “So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” Jesus point is that marraige is not of human origin - it is orginated with God and is part of the way God designed the human race to live. ONce a couple is married, they have been joined togetgher by God himself, just like what Adam and Eve did. Marriage is not simply a human convention similar to a business partnership or club membership, where people enter and exit at well. Marriage is intended by God, for man and for female, for life until death apart. To sustain our marriage, we need to first understand it is God’s design, let us not seperate.
But also, by God’s design, it means before human relationship in marraige, Adam first and formost relationship is still God. Let’s not make marriage an idol. These days the world has this obession of the right person, of this romantic relationship, so much pressure on marriage so that there is so much pessmisitc on it. When love and happiness in marriage become the ultimate firm, criticism from your spouse crush you. Problems with your spouse can devastate you. If anything goes wrong with your partner, your life may begin to collapse. And if your spouses die, how can he/she comfort you with love when they are in coffin? Therefore, we must not try to lesson love for spouse but increase love for God. The triangle relationship is still true this day. As we grow close to God, we are closer to partner. Marriage will ruin us unless we have a true and existential love relationship with God.
Illusrtate:
One of the hardest time in my marriage, maybe Rebecca would disagree, is the third year of our marriage. Maybe there would be harder times ahead I don’t know. Maybe it’s me. It was the decision to change career at the middle of having some babies. We were fighting, we were not happy. It was a big change, not only would we hit financially for this decision, but maybe the change in my time and scrafice in the long run which is such a hard decision. A lot happeneded at that time, what I remember is that we both closed our eyes, we come to the Lord, we ask him for wisdom, we ask him for grace, we ask him for peace. It didn’t solve everything , but it gave me a relief , that he would sustain our marriage, he would sustain our journey.
Apply:
Today, would invite marriage couples to make a few commitments, or re-commitments about your marriage. It is sourced from actually a book that i’ve been written. And from this point, since marriage is God’s design, we will work to protect our marriage. We will work to protect our marriage. So today after the sermon, especially husbands and wives, we will work to protect our marriage. Three steps is inolved. First, eyes wide open. Too many couples after they married a while, they could into cruise control mode. The quit watching and praying. They just lie back and quite working on marriage. We quite paying attention, let go of good habits to sustain the marriage, allow ourselves to be lazy and impatient, respond in discouragement, when you cruise, you allow devil into your marriage to do his nasty work of division and destruction. When you see these issues, how to work? The one thing I did right about my marriage in my early days, in to be on my knees. Not really understand the importance of this, actually how prayer helps us reminding us our lives do not belong to us and we are needy people as sin hits us. In a way then it also acknowledge God is in your marriage. He controls every situation and relationship we are in. Prayer attaches us to the wonderful grace of God but reminds we are needy and God is gracious. In our marriage camp, it asks us to prayer together. It needed be long, a few minutes is suffice. Maybe just prayer the Lord’s prayer, or something that is in your mind. No matter how long you have married, no matter how muc you have leartned, you must stay in the battle, you must continue to admit your need for God, and God’s grace would be with you. But the third thing, to live a life of worship. It’s not just attending Sunday, but your whole life is about worship. To be God’s glory first. IT doing so, you don’t shrink your world down to the size of your wants, feelings, you get your ultimate satisfiaction in Jesus, you rely on him to change both of you, you can give grace to your spouse. The triangle again., a marraige of unity, understanding and love is not rooted in romance, it is rooted in worship. Brothers and sisters, let’s work to protect our marriage.
This passage not only teach us that marriage is God’s design, but our journey we need patience, we need patience.
The journey: Patience (v21-22)
The journey: Patience (v21-22)
If we first go back to Genesis 2:18 “Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.”” we see the first description of husband and wife, they are helper. A lot of males here would think, yes wife, help me. assist me. As if wife is inferior. But no, the original use is for military reinforcement. The word is often used to describe God at places in the Bible. But there’s another word here, “suitable” What does it mean by helper fit for him? The original translation is “I will make a helper like opposite him”. Is it like or opposite? But it clarifies things to think as two puzzle fit together not if they are identitical and not if they are randomly different. They only fit perfectly and form a whole if they are rightly different, different in a way that both correspond yet complements. God is sending into Adam’s life someone with enormous power, but with a power that is different. Each gender has excellencies and glories, perspectives and powers, that the other does not have. In marriage, a person of a different gender comes into your life. After 13 years of marriage, I see how me and Rebecca become helpers of each other.For example, when I start to interact with kids, or become furious. Sometimes I know that I knew I need to be gentle, because I know that’s what Rebecca would do, though no always. I become more wise that way.
But on the other hand, this different could become a source of tension and fight. to become the puzzle of each other is a long journey, a drawn out process. We are to use our different gifts and to love each other sacrifically to help each other grow and thrive all through our lives. It is fair to say this is not the view of marriage that is on the rise in our culture. Today we are told to be consumers, we do cost-benefit analysis. The logic of market, investing, buying invaded even our marriage. So we look for spouse who meet our neets, who is not high-maintenance, who won’t try to change us, who is compmatible in every way. If we got into marraige with someone “like opposite” to us, who beings telling us things about oursleves we don’t want to hear, we say, “THis isn’t right, this should be bliessful. The answer is because you are getting help. God is completing you in your husband or wife. The result of completion is personal ease. Adam and Eve were naked and unshamed with each other before the Fall. There was no anxiety, no hiding.
Apply:
So what’s the second commitment. First we will work to protect our marraige. Second, we will deal with our differentce with grace. We will deal with our difference with grace. As God created us as helpers, as opposites to help each other. We are to face the reality that we are very different people, and conflict happens. But we deal honestly with our anger or irration to each other. We don’t harbour our bitterness and anger of each other till dark. God said, Ephesians 4:26 “Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger,” So important, communicate, but whole communication which build up each other. And run to your resources, especially the larger community. And today, just two resources.MFFC and first light. I guess, to really for the two to work, we have to admit there is difficulty. Weeach have to humbly that the struggle still goes on, but we do not have to give away to cyncicism, because grace guaranttees that we are not alone. Grace has bound Jeuse to us forever,
The goal: Another covenant (v23- 24)
The goal: Another covenant (v23- 24)
To sustain our marriage, we are to remember GOd’s design, patience of our difference. But thirdly understand the goal of marriage. Genesis 2:23-24 “Then the man said, “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.” Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” After Adam’s joyous shout echoes to the present day, proclaming the joy and intimacy of marraige. Here in the text Adam’s voice subsides, and the voices of MOses concludes. These words, became the deep well for Bible’s teaching on marraige family. Here there are three main points, first to leave. It is understood relatively and as a prescription for the loyalty and intimacy that a man must give to his wife. The union with wife is so profound that he leaves his family even though he remains with them. Second Cleave. The term cleave indicates that marriage is to be viewed as a convenant. Leaving and cleaving involves a public declaration in the sight of God. Marriage is not a private matter. It involves a declaration of intention and a reorganization of relationship. The idea of a purely private marraige is spwanwed by the culture of individualism. Christian marraige calls for a public vocenant before God, church, family and state.
But these two words are not only quoted in Matthew, but also Ephesians. Ephesians 5:31-32 ““Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.” The marriage between man and woman is a illustration of Christ loves his church. To understand this, we need to understand God actually shows us through Old testament through prophets such as Isaiah, JEremiah and Hosea, that I am the bridgegroom, and you, my people are the bride. He is our help because he is like-opposite you. For israel to call him bridgegroom is when he have an intimacy in your relationship, he speak through his Word and shed in your heart the Holy Spirit. It means God you have the most patient and long-suffering spouse who ever exists. Even Israel constantly turning to worship other gods, God stuck with his people. Most famouse exposition of this theme in the book of Hosea. There God tell his prophet to marry GOmer, a woman who will be unfaithful to hosea. Hosea 3:1-2 “And the Lord said to me, “Go again, love a woman who is loved by another man and is an adulteress, even as the Lord loves the children of Israel, though they turn to other gods and love cakes of raisins.” So I bought her for fifteen shekels of silver and a homer and a lethech of barley.” God is hinting that, just as it requires costly self-scarfice to love a way-ward spouse, his love will ential cost and scrafice on his part. And in Jesus’s life and death we see the conclusion of this love. In Jesus Christ, God entered the world and paid the price to buy us away from our sin and enslavement by dying on the cross. IN Jesus Christ, God says I laid down my life to you. I did the thing that you have to do everyt ime you try to love somebody who is flawed and imperfect? Do you undersxtand how much I love you. ANd isn’t this the greatest encouragement for the long journey of marriage. Some of you may be in bad marraige and think, my spouse is cruifying me, but in God’s case it really ahppend. Whenever you ready to give up on a difficult spouse, remember JEsus’s patience with you. IN order to really stick with a marraige you need over and over again look at your spouse. “You wronged me, but I wronged my greatest spouse, Jesus Christ, and he kept covering me and forgiving me. That’s the only way you’ll have patience for the journey.
Apply:
And so the final commitment is. We will commit to building a relationship of love. Maybe your marraige has already have a love drough, filled with conflict, disunity, misunderstanding. And to love, to truely love, is to love like Jesus did in this passage. Love is willing self-sacrifice for the good of another that does not require reciprocation or that the person being loved is deserving. Christ was willing to go to Christ because there was nothing that we could ever do to earn, achieve, or deserve the love of God. It stays the course while refusing to quit. Maybe today, you are ready, willing and waiting to love again.
At the end, my wife said I spent too much time on sermon, to little time on her. And so it is that time to think about how I could build a life of love with her. Rebecca, it means getting my life complicated without impatience or anger. Rebecca I know you have been busy with your studies, I got angry with you because I thought you sepnd all this time studying, but you’ve actually spend all this time supporting me with my theological studies, thank you. Rebecca, yes in the past it was so easy to be critical and judgemental towards you, also pointing to minor offesnes that you did. Yes I admit sometimes I’m know in the best mood, I will learn to love, learn to provide more encouragement. Rebecca sometimes your criticism is right, but I get angry easily because I get critizied a lot, and as you say, sometimes my energy has been so focused on church. Also, yes I have been making excuses of not doing things in household, being lazy and sometimes a bit selfish in marriage, even sometimes being calculated in my times. I know I could not change by my our effort but God’s. Let’s learn to love like Christ and the church.
And so it comes to the end, final recap. Marriage is God’s design, let’s work to protect our marriage, be a watchful eye for our brothers and sisters. Marriage is a lifelong journey of patience. Let’s be grace
Let’s pray.