The Christian Family
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The Christian Family
The Christian Family
Colossians 3:18–21 (ESV)
18 Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. 19 Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them. 20 Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. 21 Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.
Introduction:
God designed the family. God structured and ordained marriage. God created man and woman with the capacity to procreate as a means to grow the family. God designed the family. The family is not a human concoction nor a worldly manifestation. The family is God’s design and God’s creation.
In fact, Scripture establishes God’s institution of marriage. Genesis 2:18 “18 Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.”
Genesis 2:24 “24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”
God was talking about a wife for Adam. Not a date, not a girlfriend, not a side chick, but a wife. So, marriage is a Holy institution created and designed by God.
As we talk about the Christian family today, I pray that we leave this place with greater understanding of the expectations of God, as it relates to the family.
So, what does God expect from the Christian family? Paul addresses this question in this paragraph sometimes referred to as the household codes. Paul, has written this letter to instruct the Colossian church of how they were to worship God and treat each other, while exalting Christ as Savior.
Paul includes these instructions to the family and exhortations about how servants should treat their masters and masters treat their servants. The point is that being a Christian is not limited to the inside of the Church. The Christian character is manifested through the entirety of one’s life and living.
DT: When we subject ourselves to the family as God designed we please God.
Aim: We will manifest Christian character in our homes.
Propositional Statement: The Christian family can only please God when the family subjects to God’s design and structure.
Transition: There are before us three aspects of the family we will discuss. The first of which is, Godly Conduct.
Exhibit Godly Conduct (vv.18-19)
“18 Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. 19 Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.”
Verse 18, in today’s culture gets a pretty "bum rap”. There is a great resistance to the role of the wive as it pertains to submission. This word submit is not a negative word. It is not chauvinistic. It is not berating. It is not referencing inferiority. It is in this context Christian duty. Firstly, because Christians are taught to subject to each other.
Ephesians 5:21 (ESV)
21 submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.
Secondly, Paul reminds wives of their responsibility to willingly submit to their husbands and to do so “as is fitting in the Lord.” Which means that which is proper according to the Lord. This submission is not based upon culture but upon what God has determined to be His order and will. In our Christian context, The Lord determines what is fitting or not. Some things may be culturally acceptable, but reflection on them “in the Lord” leads to the realization that they are unfit for a Christian.
But Godly conduct in the Christian family is submission. I didn’t say that the bible says that.
22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.
1 Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives,
So Paul, shows the wife that it is Godly conduct to submit. Another way to look at this submit is, that it means to yield. It does not mean the wife does not have a voice or unable to think for herself. It means she willingly yields to hear what her husband thinks and considers it first in all situations.
Transition: Does Biblical submission mean that the woman is to become a “doormat” and accept physical, emotional, or verbal abuse as God’s will for her life? Of course not. Biblical submission is a partnership between the wife and husband.
Illustration: Driving down a country road, fellow came to a very narrow bridge. In front of the bridge, a sign was posted: “Yield.” Seeing no oncoming cars, he continued across the bridge and [on] to his destination.
On his way back, he came to the same one-lane bridge, now from the other direction. To his surprise, he saw another “Yield” sign posted.
“Curious,” he thought. “I’m sure there was one positioned on the other side.”
When he reached the other side of the bridge, he looked back. Sure enough, yield signs had been placed at both ends of the bridge. Drivers from both directions were requested to give the other the right of way. It was a reasonable and gracious way of preventing a head-on collision.
God never intends marriage to be a head-on collision. Biblical submission keeps the traffic of life safe and steady. Without it, the marriage will become a wreck.
Leadership Ministries Worldwide, Practical Illustrations: Galatians, Ephesians, Philippians, Colossians (Chattanooga, TN: Leadership Ministries Worldwide, 2001), 86–87.
Paul goes further and instructs the husband to love his wife. Paul does not stop there. Paul continues with, and do not be harsh with them.
See, this thing is fixed. Yes, God has given headship of the family to the husband.
3 But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God.
23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior.
Let this be clearly understood. Being head does not give the husband the right to be a jerk or as big mama would say, “a Jackass”. The Scripture says, “and do not be harsh with them”. There is this mandate for the husband to exhibit love and patience with his wife.
The husband is not to be mean, cruel and unbearable towards his wife. The husband must exhibit the love of God. That means the love God renders toward him must also be exacted towards his wife. The patience God gives the husband must be displayed and shown to his wife.
Let me tell you why. Because the way you treat your wife is the precedence for answered prayers. Ok, let me show you. . .
7 Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.
So one of the penalties for the husband who mistreats his wife is unanswered prayers. It’s good to read the bible. So, a husband does not have the right to disregard, disrespect nor dishonor his wife.
Illustration: Billy Sunday said, “Try praising your wife, even if it frightens her at first.”
Paul Lee Tan, Encyclopedia of 7700 Illustrations: Signs of the Times (Garland, TX: Bible Communications, Inc., 1996), 580.
Transition: God requires our conduct to be according to His standards which begin with love and respect.
Application: Look, marriage is not 50/50. It is 100/100. Anything you start by giving half your effort is destined to fail. Invest your total self in your marriage. Marriage does not work based upon contingencies. There are no if statements in this text. The Scripture does not say submit to you husband if . . . or love your wife if. It commands us to do it. Furthermore the process should have began prior to the marriage.
If you are unmarried and look to be married you can also apply these principles to your life because marriage takes work and the work begins before you are married. Here is what I mean, if you have already made up in your mind that you are not going to yield to your husband when you get married, you are not ready. In fact you have already decided that your marriage will not be according to God’s design. If you have made up in your mind that a woman does not deserve your time and respect you are not ready.
Stop looking at a man wallet and material possessions as the end all be all decision factor. If all you see is that you’ll never see his heart.
Looks change… (I got fat and my wife loved me more it seemed)
Marriage is not sexual because after while you won’t be able to do anything but talk.
Go into marriage looking to please God. A marriage filled with Godly conduct.
AMG Bible Illustrations Prayer of a Husband and a Wife
Keep us, O Lord, from pettiness. Let us be thoughtful in word and deed. Help us to put away pretense and face each other in deep trust without fear or self-pity. Help us to guard against fault-finding, and be quick to discover the best in each other and in every situation. Guard us from ill temper and hasty judgment; encourage us to take time for all things, to grow calm, serene and gentle. Help us to be generous with kind words and compliments. Teach us never to ignore, never to hurt, never to take each other for granted. Engrave charity and compassion on our hearts.