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There seems to a theme that has become increasingly prevalent in relationship in the past few years- the theme is “complicated.” The world that we live seems to be more complicated day by day. And one of the ways that the complicated fabric of our world shows through the most is in relationships. In a world where there is more and more polarization in our culture, there are more and more ways that any relationship can get complex and flat our weird. In fact, I bet if I asked everyone in this room who has been hurt by someone they never imagined getting hurt by in the past 2 years to raise their hand I bet that about every hand would go up.
From a pastoral perspective I have seen it, heard it, and experienced it. Personally I have been hurt by some of my closest friends and family members in the past year or so. I have sat with many of you in this sanctuary and heard you say “I never thought my own----- would hurt me like this.” But here’s the truth, anytime 2 human being enter into any kind of relationship there is going to be complications- even hurt at some point. Bob Marley might have hit the nail on the head when he said “The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
But the Gospel revolves around forgiveness at it’s core. Forgiveness and grace are the axis that it all rotates around. Forgiveness is essential to the Gospel. Not just in how we receive the Gospel of Jesus, but how we live the Gospel of Jesus. The parable of the unmerciful servant in Matt 18 is not just a parable to tell us how God forgives us, but sets for us the truth that we are to use God’s forgiveness as a measuring stick for our own lives. In fact, let’s think about that Bob Marley quote again for a moment. “The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.” The cross of Christ shows us that God decided we are all worth suffering for…
So, with this measuring stick in mind, let’s look at some of the forgiveness principals that the parable of the unmerciful servant lays out for us, today.
First, our forgiveness for others is built on the forgiveness we have been given. The parable Jesus tells focuses on one main character, a man who both owed a debt, and was owed a debt. Everyone of us is the man in the story. We all have things we need to be forgiven for- both by God and other people. Also, we all have people we need to forgive. There is no person in here today that is outside of the scope of forgiveness.
In fact, if you don’t think there is anyone who has offered you forgiveness lately, just look at your spouse, your kids, or your parents real quick, and I bet you will change your mind.
Sometimes the first step in forgiving others is taking an inventory of how much other people have forgiven you.
I once heard a pastor say that the people who hold grudges the hardest are the people who have the least amount of awareness of how messed up they are. If I want to be ablr to forgive people on the outside, I may need to start by looking inside. Because when I remember how many times I have messed up lately it becomes a lot easier to forgive someone else.
Second, Jesus is talking about a radical amount of forgiveness. The debt that the man owed the king was unimaginable. The talent was the highest unit of currency, and ten thousand the highest Greek numeral (2)—this is like 2 kids arguing and one saying - you are times infinity! The debt he owed was that big.
In the parable of the unforgiving slave (18:23–35) the first slave owes the king ten thousand talents (v. 24), that is, several million dollars. Given the enormity of his debt, the slave’s promise to repay everything is absurd (v. 26). The king does not merely postpone or reduce the debt—he cancels it. The second slave owes the first only a hundred denarii, that is, a few dollars; yet the latter responds in utter ruthlessness (vv. 28–30). (1)
There is n realistic way that the man was ever going to repay the debt- ever. The servant looks at the King and says “have patience and I will pay it all back.” No he wouldn’t- it just was not possible. The man was in over his head----have you been there?
Have you ever been in over your head with someone? Done something so wrong, so stupid, so mean there is no way you could ever make it right?
Or maybe you are on the other side. Maybe someone has wronged you, hurt you so bad there is nothing they could ever do to earn your forgiveness.
Forgiveness so big you can’t earn it----that’s the point.
Third, Jesus is talking about a representative, vulnerable kind of forgiveness. You ever let your kid push a shopping cart behind you in the store? Good training opportunity for driving one day, right? Until the run that bad boy up against your Achilles tendon one good time! Now, my kids will tell you they get one pass with hitting me with that thing- after that DONE!
Evangelical Commentary on the Bible B. Teaching about Relationships among Jesus’ Followers (18:1–35)
The subject of radical forgiveness (18:21–22) follows next. Peter’s question in verse 21 is prompted by Jesus’ teaching in verses 15–20. Peter is to be credited for his willingness to forgive, to do so repeatedly, and to do so (it is implied) as many as seven times (the rabbinic consensus was that a brother might be forgiven for a repeated sin up to three times).
Peter’s original question is what sparks this parable with Jesus. He asks Jesus how many times he is required to forgive someone who wrongs him. Peter is looking for the bear minimum.
You see, the Jewish rabbis had gotten together many years before this exchanged and discerned together and established that 3 was the magic number.
Let’s face it, we can all have a little Peter in us. We look for the earliest exit. But let me tell you, I am so glad God forgives over and over again, because he has forgiven me so many times, and many of those times have been the same thing over and over again.
We must push past our emotions, because forgiveness is often unfair. Bob Stultz once said “Forgiveness is not about making the other person right in what they did… forgiveness is about 2 things, first it is obedience to your calling as a Child of God, and 2nd it is an instrument that frees you from the bondage of resentment and revenge”
Did you notice? The servant was given the most generous gift- complete forgiveness of a debt he could not pay. He leaves and immediately comes across another servant that owes him 100 denari. To give some context- that’s about a day’s wages.
This guy flips his lid over a days wages when he had just been forgiven a debt he could literally never pay…why? His emotion clouded his reality.
A lady had two children. The older son was 7 years old and the little girl about 2½ years old. She heard this terrible scream upstairs and as she ran upstairs she found out that the little girl was pulling the hair of her brother. He was crying out in pain. The mother gently removed the girl's hands off her brother's hair and says to her brother, "Sweetheart, your sister does not understand that it hurts."
The son nodded okay to it. But as she was walking down the stairs, she heard this blood cuddling sound and ran to see what happened again. The boy was sitting next to the girl and the girl was now crying out in pain, and he said, "Now she understands!"
Many times we are like the little boy who wants to make sure that the person who has hurt us knows what it is like to be hurt. But forgiveness means we sacrifice our right to inflict pain on the one who has pained us.
Unforgiveness is a chain, but forgiveness is glue.
Matthew: An Introduction and Commentary v. Forgiving Personal Offences (18:21–35)
. If the church is the community of the forgiven, then all its relationships will be marked by a forgiveness which is not a mere form of words, but an essential characteristic; from your heart excludes all casuistry and legalism.
1- J. Knox Chamblin, “Matthew,” in Evangelical Commentary on the Bible, vol. 3, Baker Reference Library (Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Book House, 1995), 745.
2- R. T. France, Matthew: An Introduction and Commentary, vol. 1, Tyndale New Testament Commentaries (Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press, 1985), 280.