Parenting and Gospel
Notes
Transcript
Intro
Intro
Dear brothers and sisters, freinds. That was these moments in your life where you feel you have done well in your parenting, and those which are in your low point. And there was this moment. It was when I received one of kids graduation yearbook. And it lets the kids write down what they want to do in their future. It’s interesting how many kids want to become a youtuber. It’s really a occuputation I thought about during my days. And so as I read, I read my kid, and it stated, “Hopefully I would get a good job.” I mean it is not bad, at least when I grow up I don’t need to continue support them right? But it is that moment where I felt I fail in some of my parenting. I could do better in my parenting. Shouldn’t our future as God’s children involve Him as well? Sometimes I thought, have I really bring them up to be God-submitted children, to acknowledge of his existence and surrdenr to authority. To let them all know Proverbs 9:10 “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and the knowledge of the Holy One is insight.” Do I really brought them out this way. Or unintentionally, I am actually raising them up to live an indepenedent live away from God. To get good education, to study hard, to work hard so they could get a good job, be comofrtable and be successful in earthly terms. And in truth through my kids potray of future it shows my priority? My hopes for the kid’s future?
I confess I have not done this job very well. And I’m today sharing with you God’s word as a fellow parent who needs God’s grace and wisdom even more. The truth is we are losing the next generation of the church. Statistics has shown that all across australia we are losing the millenials, now only 30% are still called themselves CHristians, and that includes all Catholics as well. Even in this church, we know many of us our kids have not follow Jesus anymore. Sometimes I see the sadness in the parents face and my heart broke for them too. It’s not easy.
But I believe the most important thing is that God did not give up on them. We as parents, as a church member should also not give up on them. And it is probably we know that we are at a dire stage, we are so incapable of producing Godly kids, that we could come to our kneels, and through God’s grace that we could start parenting. Let’s pray.
Calling
Calling
Today, I will only be able to share a few important command from God about parenting. For those who have no kids, while this primarly responsibility lays on parents, we are also part of the church community to raise another GOd’s generation. So let’s all get involved. The first is to remember that parenting is a calling. Parenting is a calling. Let’s look again first into Deuteromony 6:4-9
Dt 6:4-9 ““Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.”
Your work as a parent is at hing of extreme value because GOd has desinged that you would be a principal, consistent and faithful tool in his hands for the purpose of creating God-submisssion in your children. You can’t create this yourself, only God can, but you have been appointed to be an irreplaceble tool in his powerful hands. You see, at the core here to Israel is to acknowledgment of his existence and surrender to authority. Those are things that he meant to rule the heart of everyone who ever lived. You kids will never be what they’re suppposed to be if they lack this GOd-consciousness. It is essential that must be developed in the heart of every child, and the passage says that task was assigned by God to parents.
These days we would like to outsource our parenting right. But your church was not designed to replace you, but to assist and equip you for this essential work. Your government was never designed to replace you, but to protect you as you do this work. Even the school will never replace you, at the very best support you. You could argue from this passage that the chief reason God put parents in children’s live is so that they would know him. The most important thing that a hcild could ever learn about is the existence, character and plan of God. If they know this fact, it will alter the way you understand and intepret every other factet in your life.
In a way, this role we could put two terms into it. The first is a sheperd, we are to be sheperd of the heart of our children. As we know children’s developing is determine but a lot of things, one particular large influence in their family, their original family history, family values, family roles, family way of dealing conflict resolution. THey often have a big impact towards the kids. But probably more importantly, it is theri Godward oreintation, whether he is loving his God. It is this Godward oreintation that determines his response to those shaping influences. And so parent cannot be concerned only with positive shaping influences; it must shpered the heart so that the kid is loving his God with all his heart, his soul and his might.
Not only are you a sheperd as a parent, you are an ambassdorial work from beginning to end. From this passage, we could see parenting is not first what we want for our children or from our children, but about what God in grace has planned to do through us in our children. To lose sight of this end up with a relationship with our children that at the foundational level not Christian because it become more about our will and our way than about the will and way of our sovereign Saviour King. Instead of all these different styles of parenting, especially tiger mums, we are to be ambassdors, we ar eparents who approach parenting as representatives come to it with a depe sense of identity from Christ, not finding meaning or purpose from our children. We know our work cannot change children’s heart or turn our children to be successful, to know we are tools of God’s parenting. Success parenting is what we do, being faithful to God in our duty, not hanging on achieving certain markets, such as enter academic achievement, living a comfortable life.
Apply:
Have we got a calling wrong? Have I value other goal above being God’s tool to form a human soul? To love God with whole mind, whoe heart and whole soul.
FIrst, good education and comfortable life. Maybe a lot of us spend so much time making sure the kids have a good education., so they could get a successful job. These are all horizontal markers such as academic perfromance, atheletic ahievement, musical ability and social liability. In doing all these activities, we and our kids are so busy. But in their business, are they really growing in their knowlege of God. Are they reciving biblical isntruction such as sportmanship, endurance, freindship, integrity and respect? Would it be possilbe they are so well-educated, so indepnedent that they start to ponder a life without God. A life that doesn’t need his grace?
Second, maybe something I often aimed at with 4 kids, is to raise well-behaved kids. With the busy life here in Sydney, a well-behaved kid makes our life much easier. Yet having well-behaved children is not a worthy goal. It is a great secondary benefit of biblical childrearing, but an unworthy goal in itself. But focusing on external behaviour and control, we miss the chance of sheperding the hard.
Illustrate:
And so I have to change. You know, I have been doing family worship together for quite a while since the first child. So it is a regular routine. I am thankful that as a family we and grown with such spriitaul discipline . So we read a passage, sometimes just ask what is the main theme and any questions. Then we would sing and pray. It is a good spiritual discipline we have, but this family worship needs to connect with family living and family values. Sometimes I feel there is a discrepenciy. Sometimes I feel it is just a routine that we go through. we tell them to love God, but we love comfort. We till them to puruse grace, but value independence and self-sufficient. May God help us to use it well.
Understanding the goal of parenting, the calling of parenting, what is the relationship of parent? What is the relationship of parenting, it is a relationship of authority.
Authority
Authority
Deteronomy 6 underscores the view that as a parent, you have authority because God calkls you to be in your child’s life. You have the authority to act on behalf of God. Dt 6:2 “that you may fear the Lord your God, you and your son and your son’s son, by keeping all his statutes and his commandments, which I command you, all the days of your life, and that your days may be long.” God says his goal for Isralities and their children and grandchildren to fear the Lord by keeping his Decreeds. THe person whom God’s decrees are passed on is the parent Dt 6:7 “You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.” Eph 6:1-4 “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.” Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” have the smae idea.
Note two things here. First, use your authority. Sometimes we are so tired, and helpless, or our love is distorted that we forgot we are tasked to have authority for children and discipline to children. And in that way we lost control, and if they rebel us, it is very likely they have same rebellion heart towards God. We need to establish authority early in little things. Fight your authoirty battles early and when issues are small. My little girl six years are constantly rebelling at morning what to wear, doing chores, I’m reminded that those little moments are proundly important as it is from hearts that will resist all authority. These are moments that God uses us to shape our kids. But these discipline moments are also to be exercise consistently. While discipling is heart, we need to be keep doing it. Our children need the security of faithful, consistent, firm and uncromprmising and loving authority. We have to exercise authority consistent because it is driven by God’s call, not the emotion of the moment.
On the other hand, while we need to exercise authoiirty, it is ambasddorial authority. The abmassdor doesn’t have any authority in and of himself. He has authority only because he represents a king who has authroity. He makes his invisible authority visible by sending parents in children’s live. And it is this reason, we are not to love without discipline, but also never exercise authority in an abusive way. Because when we exert our authority it is to show them how beautiful, wise, patient, guiding, forgivng God’s authority is. This means you don’t let you anger at your childd’s disobediecne control so you do things that you should not. Here, to provode your children to anger. It means you never combine your discipline with berating, demaning or condemning talk, which I’m guilty of. We are not not exercise authoirty that are lazy, abusive and selfishly. And also, since it is an abassdorial authority, we point them towards the cross of Jesus Christ. Every rebellion moment is God-given opportunity to talk about the Savior who alone can deliver this child from himself. It is important to embed your child’s rebellion into the larger story of redemption.
Illustrate:
Again I have to change. When I reflect back, my discipline as shown is probably a bit lazy, selfish and at times even abusive. Some of my discipline is because they have incovenented me, or have distrubed my schedule. I have used discipline as a way to control my kids, so they would be well-behaved and cause the minimal disruption to my live. Sometimes also maybe my family background, I just say mean words to my kids which is also a bit abusing my authority. May Lord help me. May everytime I discipline, I know because it was borrowed authrioty, so that they would submit their ultimate authority Jesus Christ.
Parenting is a calling, its relationship is an authority relationship, but everyday, every day parenting is a show of mercy, a show of mercy. Deutornomy 6 doesn’t stop at verse 9, it continues.
Mercy
Mercy
Dt 6: 20-23 ““When your son asks you in time to come, ‘What is the meaning of the testimonies and the statutes and the rules that the Lord our God has commanded you?’ then you shall say to your son, ‘We were Pharaoh’s slaves in Egypt. And the Lord brought us out of Egypt with a mighty hand. And the Lord showed signs and wonders, great and grievous, against Egypt and against Pharaoh and all his household, before our eyes. And he brought us out from there, that he might bring us in and give us the land that he swore to give to our fathers.”
This passage tells us that we should root all the rules and beliefs that we give our children not only in the existence of GOd, but in the things that he has, in grace, done for us. The advice here is to connect everything you require of your children in behaviour and belief to the story of redemption. When you child wonders about what is right and what is wrong, don’t threaten him with the law of God; woo him with the sweet music of the grace of God. When she is strugglign with what God says is right, dont’ talk of God as just a judge, but a helper and friend who meets us in our weakness with forgiveness. Blow your child away with God’s patience, mercy and love. Go beyond enforcing your authority and point to his authroity and his grace.
In a way, this passage is about God’s mercy. The thing with deteronomy is to remember, remember God’s mercy, remembers God’s law. The parents of Israel has themselves see, feel, hear God’s mercy, but it is so easy to forget, forget that we as parents still need daily mercies from our Father. And so we forgot to parent our children with mercy as well. What does children need? They need tenderheartedness and compassion, they need guidelines and protection, they need wisdom and isntruction. There is not a day kids don’t need your mercy. Heb 4:16 “Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.” This brings back to the beginning of this sermon, parenting is about being God’s ambassdors in the lives of our childeren. It’s about working to make the invisible mercy of God visible as we respond with mercy toward our chidlren. what hebrews described is how this looks like. Jesus was willing to subject himself to the hardships of life in the fallen world, so that he would be an understanding high priest able to sympathize with our weakness. Because he can sympahtize with us, we cna rest assured that he will bless us with mercy.
Parents, that’s our model. Allow yourself to reflect how much you need God’s mercy now, reflect how much you need mercy of your parents, and let that mercy grow in your heart. Mercy doesn’t mean you abandon discipline and correct, mercy is parenting with a tneder heart. Mercy is not taking your childeren’s failures personally, but viewing theri struggles with compassionl Mercy is about blessing your chidlren with patience. It is about as careful to encourage as youare to rebuke. It’s about discipline that is kind and gentle. It is about being firm and unyielding and loving all the same time. It is about refusing to indulge in your irration and your anger. It is about ready to forgive, and love them even they don’t deserve your love. It is about refusing to motivate your children by shame and threat.
Illustrate:
And I don’t know about you, but mercy simply isn’t nature for me. It’s nature for me to be harsh and demanding and impatient. I have to confess there are times when I am pretty poor representative of God’s mercy. How well have you pictured God’s mercy in the way you’ve responded to your children in the last month? So I need help, and I suspect you too. I don’t need to be rescued from the sin, weakness and failures of my children. I’ve been called to be a parent because of that. My struggle is not them, but inside of me. And so maybe we more than our children needs mercy. His mercy toward us provide the only hope that we will have what we need to respond with mercy toward our children. The cross of Christ is still our only hope in parenting.
WHen I prepared my sermon, I was looking at my wall. Here. it is a naughty dad who collects weirld pictures of his children. Anyway, time flies. In a moment they already don’t look like anything here. We only have around 18 years to really do this work well. As a church we also only have this amount of time to raise up the next generation. Will we answer to this calling, to be God’s tool to shape them as ambassadors, to use authority kindly, to show mercy everyday. Let’s pray.