Sermon Tone Analysis

Scripture Reading

Introduction

We've just heard from the previous verse that wives are to be submissive to their husbands, they are to respect their husbands.

The danger is that the husband, in his sinful nature, takes this as an opportunity to use and abuse his wife for selfish reasons, rather than to genuinely love her.

We need to keep in mind that the husband is called to lead.

But there is a particular manner in which the husband is to lead his wife.

Requiring wives to submit to husbands, as we have noted, matches widespread Greek and Jewish teaching about marriage.

Requiring husbands to love their wives does not.

The concern in the secular codes was usually effective household management—especially since the household was typically viewed as a key building block of society and of the state.

Accordingly, the focus of the codes was on the paterfamilias—the “head of the household”—and what he should do to maintain order and decorum in his household.

Referring to a husband’s love for his wife would not fit this purpose—and, indeed, no other code we have discovered from the ancient world requires husbands to love their wives.

Moo, D. J. (2008).

The letters to the Colossians and to Philemon (p.

302).

William B. Eerdmans Pub.

Co.

There was thus a striking distinction in the Christian teaching that is found in Scripture.

While it remained true and valid that a wife ought to submit to and respect her husband, the husband was not then left to run roughshod over his wife.

As the Christian husband would be the leader in the home, we find through the teaching in God's word that this leadership must be fashioned by love.

This love acts as a moderating influence upon the husband’s exercise of authority.

How is a husband, as the one who leads in the home, to carry out this leadership ?

In our short verse, there are two distinct instructions issued.

Or, one instruction with two sides.... a positive and negative...

1. Love your Wives

Introductory thoughts

Christian husbands are nowhere told to "exercise their headship."

They are not told to enforce their dominant role.

While the leadership role must be there, the exhortation is to the manner in which this leadership is to be carried out.

A husband is to lead with love.

What are the marks of this love?

Christocentric

The word that is used the word for “love” here is agapaō, the distinctly Christian word for the kind of sacrificial, self-giving love whose model is Christ himself

Perhaps significantly, the only other occurrence of the verb “love” in Colossians refers to God’s love for us, his people (3:12).

This is made clear when we look to the parallel in Ephesians...

Christ took on a posture of deep humility.

He was motivated as he entered into this world by a concern and care for a particular people.

In order to work to their benefit, there was a need for unparalleled humility.

Forsaking that which was His in glory, he gave it up, entered into this world of sinful humanity, and served them in love.

This is the example that is set before husbands as that to follow in serving their wife.

Obviously that goes a step further...

Self-sacrificial

Ephesians 5:25

...and gave himself up for her...

"And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death— even death on a cross!” (Philippians 2:8)

The ultimate demonstration of the love of Christ for the church was that he was prepared to lay down his life for them.

And so the husband is called to be prepared to sacrifice self for the sake of his wife.

This does not merely mean you should find the first opportunity to have your life taken in order to prove your love to your wife.

It does mean that you must be prepared to sacrifice your own selfish wishes and desires for the sake of demonstrating love to your wife.

The nature of humanity is such that each man seeks his own desire.

In Judges, we find that each man did was right in his own eyes... that is the state of a heart that is lost in sin....

But the heart that has been regenerated and redeemed knows the sacrifice that has been made for them, and thus is prepared to sacrifice for others.... first and foremost, for their wife.

The danger of being in the place of authority as a man is the temptation to take liberties and seek your own desires and pleasures without any consideration for your wife.

Practically speaking?

Husbands are known to want to meet up with the guys... or get out with the guys.

They want to go out and play golf...

Or they want to go out to the braai...

And while not intrinsically wrong... this is very often done while the wife continues to slave away looking after kids, keeping the home... and barely able to breathe.

This could even take place in terms of working... a man becomes so involved in his work, so tied down in "bringing home the bacon" that he doesn't spend any meaningful time in the home, with his wife...

He becomes too obsessed with achieving, with being "successful..."

There is no willingness to sacrifice.

Husbands, are you sacrificing your own desires and pleasures because you have a deep love and care for your wife, and you long to show love through sacrifice....?

Constructive

The husband is to provide a loving care over his wife, for her good and wellbeing.

He is to be a provider and a protector for her, considering her according to her needs....

The need for physical provisions.

The need for emotional intimacy

The need for physical protection.

The need for social interaction.

His work is to care for her welfare, and this not only physically and culturally but also, and in fact mainly, spiritually.

This raises a really important point, that must be at the forefront of the Christian husband's mind.

The husband's most important, his primary concern, is the spiritual wellbeing and growth of his wife.

Notice how this comes through in Ephesians 5...

3 Purpose Clauses

That he might ‘sanctify her’ (v.

26),

‘present her to himself’ in splendour (v.

27a)

and enable her to be ‘holy and blameless’ (v.

27c)

Picture from Ezekiel

Implications for the husband...

Now, these purpose clauses are most truly speaking about the will of Christ for the church.

Nonetheless, the manner in which the Christian husband is to love his wife has this goal in mind.

As a husband leads his wife, his desire is that she would be a sanctified vessel.

His desire is that she would through time be all the more conformed into the likeness of Christ.

His desire is that should would holy and blameless.

Thinking this through....

A husband certainly cannot physically or spiritually transform his wife and conform her to the image of Christ.

But there is a responsibility upon the husband to be a spiritual leader in the home in order to provide the context, the environment, the spiritual guidance and leadership that is helpful for the spiritual growth of his wife.

Christ gave himself to the church to make her holy by cleansing her.

This cleansing was effected by a spiritual washing brought about through Christ’s gracious word in the gospel.

His love for the church is the model for husbands in its purpose and goal, as well as in its self-sacrifice (v.

25).

In the light of Christ’s complete giving of himself to make the church holy and cleanse her, husbands should be utterly committed to the total well-being, especially the spiritual welfare, of their wives.

O’Brien, P. T. (1999).

The letter to the Ephesians (pp.

423–424).

W.B. Eerdmans Publishing Co.

It equals love for self

Ephesians Text

The statement applies the second great commandment, ‘You shall love your neighbour as yourself’ (Lev.

19:18), in a direct way to the love which the husband should have for his nearest and dearest neighbour, namely, his wife.

The assumption is that each and every person has a love for themselves.

Contrary to the worlds idea that you have to first build a love for yourself, the Scriptures teach that each of us by nature has a love for ourselves.