Family Matters - wk3 - The Broken Family
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Family Matters
Family Matters
We’ve taken quite a break from this series about the family. If you remember all the way back to the first week, we kicked off this series by talking about the one thing that matters most in every family. The one thing that every family needs. God. Every family needs God and needs to make God more important every single day.
God created the structure for family and laid it all out when He created the world. He created family because He cares deeply for the family. He cares about your family. If we want our families to be strong and successful, we have to put God at the top of the family. We must adhere to His family structure and be intentional with our family.
We also talked about creating healthy habits within the family and getting rid of bad habits. The key thing we can do to create healthy habits is create and maintain a healthy habitat for those habits to grow. A healthy habitat is one of selflessness, encouragement, and respect.
Today I want to look at another family in the bible. It’s November. The holiday season is in the air. Christmas and Thanksgiving are right around the corner. Let’s talk about the most famous family who has ever walked the planet Earth. Joseph, Mary, and Jesus. To refresh our memories of their story, I want to read how they became a family real quick. As we look at this story, think about how you might relate to someone in the story. Do you connect with what any of the people must have felt or experienced?
18 This is how Jesus the Messiah was born. His mother, Mary, was engaged to be married to Joseph. But before the marriage took place, while she was still a virgin, she became pregnant through the power of the Holy Spirit. 19 Joseph, to whom she was engaged, was a righteous man and did not want to disgrace her publicly, so he decided to break the engagement quietly. 20 As he considered this, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream. “Joseph, son of David,” the angel said, “do not be afraid to take Mary as your wife. For the child within her was conceived by the Holy Spirit. 21 And she will have a son, and you are to name him Jesus, for he will save his people from their sins.” 22 All of this occurred to fulfill the Lord’s message through his prophet: 23 “Look! The virgin will conceive a child! She will give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel, which means ‘God is with us.’ ” 24 When Joseph woke up, he did as the angel of the Lord commanded and took Mary as his wife. 25 But he did not have sexual relations with her until her son was born. And Joseph named him Jesus.
How crazy would it be to experience something like this? How shocked would Mary have been to find out she was pregnant? Granted, this was a blessing from God and not brought about by some mistake that Mary made, but in the context of your family, have you ever experienced something that came as a total shock that completely changed life for your family?
What about Joseph? How must he have felt? You know he felt betrayed. Hurt. Confused. Even when he found out the truth, it must have been a hard pill to swallow. Maybe he had plans, but now they will never be the same. Life in Joseph’s time was much different from ours. It’s important for us to know some of the customs for marriage in their day. According to “The Bible Knowledge Commentary”…
Marriages were arranged for individuals by parents, and contracts were negotiated. After this was accomplished, the individuals were considered married and were called husband and wife. They did not, however, begin to live together. Instead, the woman continued to live with her parents and the man with his for one year. The waiting period was to demonstrate the faithfulness of the pledge of purity given concerning the bride. If she was found to be with child in this period, she obviously was not pure, but had been involved in an unfaithful sexual relationship. Therefore the marriage could be annulled. If, however, the one-year waiting period demonstrated the purity of the bride, the husband would then go to the house of the bride’s parents and in a grand processional march lead his bride back to his home. There they would begin to live together as husband and wife and consummate their marriage physically. Matthew’s story should be read with this background in mind
Mary and Joseph were in the one-year waiting period when Mary was found to be with child. They had never had sexual intercourse and Mary herself had been faithful (vv. 20, 23). While little is said about Joseph, one can imagine how his heart must have broken. He genuinely loved Mary, and yet the word came that she was pregnant. His love for her was demonstrated by his actions. He chose not to create a public scandal by exposing her condition to the judges at the city gate. Such an act could have resulted in Mary’s death by stoning (Deut. 22:23–24). Instead he decided to divorce her quietly.
Have you ever thought about their relationship from that perspective? Joseph and Mary did everything right, but from the beginning of their marriage they would be a blended family. In today’s world blended, mended, and extended families are the norm. In fact, in one of his shows this week, Ben Shapiro discussed the rising stats for broken families. If you are interested, it is episode 1609.
In that show he discussed the rising number of singles since the 70’s due to the almost militant push in the US for people to co-habitate rather than get married. He contrasted that viewpoint with that of his religion as an Orthodox Jewish person, which is much like the practice Joseph and Mary would have been a part of.
He describes marriage for a person in his community to be a community affair. The whole community is invested in their families success. He claims, that is why you will see other people in his community support families when their is a wedding or when someone has a baby.
Having experienced some of the heart ache that comes with being a part of a broken family, I love Joseph and Mary’s story. I find it very encouraging. Here are just a few of the things we can see Joseph do when he was faced with the heart ache and realization that Mary might not have been faithful to his love.
When Joseph learned that she was pregnant he didn’t get angry and start throwing stuff. He didn’t show up on an episode of ‘COPS’. He didn’t even go off somewhere to hide and cry.
1. JOSEPH WAS HONORABLE AND RESPECTFUL
1. JOSEPH WAS HONORABLE AND RESPECTFUL
19 Joseph, to whom she was engaged, was a righteous man and did not want to disgrace her publicly, so he decided to break the engagement quietly.
He was respectful to his family. Scripture called him a “righteous man”. That means he was just, especially in the eyes of God. He was living in a right relationship with God. In other words, no matter how much she had hurt him, he would treat her with honor and respect. Next…
2. JOSEPH HAD DEEP FAITH
2. JOSEPH HAD DEEP FAITH
While Joseph was thinking about breaking up with her the angel appears in a dream and explains everything to him. When Joseph woke up he said, “Oh, okay!” and everything was fine again. Actually, who knows how Joseph felt when he woke up. In all reality, he was probably still pretty bummed out. I’ve had a lot of dreams that made me see reality differently when I woke up, even to the point of thinking I could fly, but I’ve never been lucky enough for relational pain and deep cuts to just disappear.
We may not know how Joseph felt, but we do know what he did. He trusted in God. He had deep faith.
24 When Joseph woke up, he did as the angel of the Lord commanded and took Mary as his wife.
He didn’t do like Jonah and look for the nearest ship to somewhere else, he went straight to work trusting in God. Then Joseph does 2 more things that I think are noteworthy…
3. JOSEPH MAKES SACRIFICES
3. JOSEPH MAKES SACRIFICES
This is probably one of the most difficult things for us to do as humans. I believe it is why physical sacrifices are so important to God. God wants to be the most important thing to us, even to the point of giving up the things that are of utmost importance to ourselves. What do I need to sacrifice for the love of my family?
25 But he did not have sexual relations with her until her son was born. And Joseph named him Jesus.
This was just the least of the sacrifices that Joseph made. Think about how much of a social affair the family was in his day. Joseph was taking on a broken family and it was a big deal. In the eyes of tradition, Mary must have been unfaithful. How important was the tradition itself to Joseph? That would have to be sacrificed. Another thing we see from Joseph from the 25th verse is that…
4. JOSEPH HAD PATIENCE
4. JOSEPH HAD PATIENCE
The cat was already out of the bag. They were already living together. Why wait?
In my limited experience, these are some of the most important things you can bring to a broken family. If your family is broken, blended, mended, or extended, it is crucial that you take a step back like Joseph did and let God give you direction. When you step into the role you were called to within your family, do it with honor and respect. Have faith in the mission God has given you. Be prepared to make sacrifices. Have patience.
Don’t let all the rattling voices of today’s society tell you what you should do. Have faith in what God says you should do. I can tell you from experience that when God is involved, it won’t matter that your family isn’t perfect. The reason is because God has designed the true family structure to accommodate brokenness and continue to grow despite the dysfunction.
I have a horrible analogy. How many of you remember the “Matrix” movies? In the first movie, agent Smith told Morpheus that while he studied humans he realized that they are parasites. They move from one location to another consuming until there is nothing left to consume. If you view humanity that way, it makes sense to think of the family as an amoeba!
Think about it for a second. Sure, you may have to deal with the occasional bought of dysentery, but God has designed the family to spread open its arms in welcome to strangers as they are brought into a once separate entity. I know it’s gross and stupid, but it makes complete sense to me.
Let me give you another example that is more personal. One thing that always really bothers me is when someone is talking about how much they love their child and then they say, “Oh, you wouldn’t know since you don’t have a child of your own.” After my blood stops boiling, my first thought is always, “How do you know? What gives you the right to speak for my love for my daughter?”
Sure, Macayla isn’t my blood offspring, but does that somehow make me love her less? If that is the case, I feel sorry for a lot of children out there who believe they are in a loving family if they are somehow loved less because they don’t share blood. In fairness, I used to fall into that same trap that I couldn’t love an adopted child like my own. But then God let me experience it first hand. And God let me experience His love of me, an adopted child, first hand.
If God intended it to be the other way around, then He would somehow love me less. But He doesn’t. He loves me as His very own child.
1 John 3:1 (NLT)
1 See how very much our Father loves us, for he calls us his children, and that is what we are!…
We are His children! He calls us His children! See how much the Father loves us! He is not my physical father. I am not His physical child. BUT He loves us so very much that He has grafted us into His family and calls us His children and we call Him Father! If that isn’t the perfect picture of what God expects from the family that He created, I don’t know what is.
And the best part… He’s not done. Our Father is still extending and growing the family. His arms are still open wide welcoming people into His family. He still calls us to act as the family community that He created so long ago and welcome people into the family. Welcoming others in with PATIENCE. Making room for the family to grow with personal SACRIFICE. Lovingly caring for others with RESPECT. Stepping out into the unknown with FAITH in His promises.
Seeing Joseph’s example in the light of the world that we live in really brings James’ words to life. Joseph and Mary living out God’s calling for the family in a seemingly broken situation. A story of a blended family that plays out as common place in our world today. Common place because of the way society despises and degrades the biblical and moral idea of God’s family structure. Common place because the world today wants to destroy and redefine family to something unrecognizable to God. The CREATOR of the FAMILY!
James puts God’s idea of family into perspective for us. Especially in light of these things…
27 Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you.
God’s idea of family is caring for those in need. Reaching out to those who have been cast out and bringing them into the family. Growing the family and loving everyone in the family. And refusing to let society redefine God’s family. Refusing to let the world have it’s way with what belongs to God.
If you are a part of a blended, mended, and extended family and you don’t know if you could ever love someone like you do your own child, I promise you that you can. That is how God designed the family. Have faith. Start with faith and respect, just like Joseph. Then grow with patience and sacrifice. Always remembering that it’s all about God’s family anyway. Everything you have been tasked with within your family is all for God and His family anyway.
Because of Joseph’s faithfulness, he got to be a part of the most important family who has ever walked the earth. He got to be the earthly dad who raised the savior of the world.