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Illustration: Truth


It was an A 500 years ago and it is an “A” today

You can sing flat or Play sharp

But an A is an A and you will be judged by it

A Good Sermon

“Have a good beginning and a good ending and keep them as close together as possible”  …George Burns

Three boys are in the school yard bragging about their fathers.
The first boy says, 'My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, they give him $50.'

The second boy says, 'That's nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on piece of paper, he calls it a song, they give him $100.'

The third boy says, 'I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon, and it takes eight people to collect all the money!'

Terrible Night

It was a terrible night, blowing cold and rain in a most frightful manner. The streets were deserted, and the local baker was just about to close up shop when a little man slipped through the door. He carried an umbrella, blown inside out, and he was bundled in two sweaters and a thick coat. But even so, he still looked wet and bedraggled.

As he unwound his scarf, he said to the baker, "May I have two bagels to go, please?"

The baker said in astonishment, "Two bagels? Nothing more?"

"That's right," answered the little man. "One for me and one for Bernice."

"Bernice is your wife?" asked the baker.

"What do you think?" snapped the little man. "My mother would never send me out on a night like this!"

A little boy opened the big, old family Bible with fascination, looking at the old pages as he turned them.

Then something fell out of the Bible and he picked up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from a tree. The leaf had been pressed in between pages.

"Momma, look what I found," the boy called out.

"What have you got there, dear?" his mother asked.

With astonishment in his voice, the young boy answered:

"It's Adam's suit!"

A husband looking through the paper came upon a study that said women use more words than men.

It read, "Men use about 15,000 words per day, but women use 30,000."

Excited to prove to his wife that he had been right all along when he accused her of talking too much, he showed her the study results.

The wife thought for a while, then finally she said to her husband, "It's because we have to repeat everything we say."

The husband said, "What?"

I dialed a number and got the following recording:

"I am not available right now, but thank you for caring enough to call. I am making some changes in my life. Please leave a message after the beep. If I do not return your call, you are one of the changes."

God made man before woman so as to give him time to think of an answer for her first question.

I was always taught to respect my elders, but it keeps getting harder to find one.

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