Serving One Another in Marriage

1 Therefore if there is any encouragement in Christ, if there is any consolation of love, if there is any fellowship of the Spirit, if any affection and compassion, 2 make my joy complete by being of the same mind, maintaining the same love, united in spirit, intent on one purpose. 3 Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; 4 do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.

Introduction

We are overjoyed to be able to celebrate with you your union in marriage today.

Marriage is a gift from God. When Adam was first created, there was not found a helper suitable for him among all the creatures that had been created. Marriage is a union that was designed by God to be good and delightful to both husband and wife.

But we will also find that marriage is not only satisfying, but sanctifying. In other words, God will also use marriage as a means to show us our own sins and shortcomings, not for the purpose of losing hope, but for the purpose of growing to be more like Christ. You will find that as you enter into marriage, you will be filled with joy and anticipation - joy that you would not know or experience as a single person. And then you will also hit some bumps in the road, some of them not so big, but some of them that would seem to crash the floor out from under you.

As you enter into marriage, I would like to encourage you both through the words of Paul to the believers in Philippi.

Paul writes this letter to call the Christians in the church to be united together for the sake of Christ and the Gospel. And in the midst of this wonderful letter, Paul exhorts these Christians in terms of how they may achieve this.

And while the words were written to promote unity in the church as a whole, the words are absolutely applicable to marriage, where there is to be the greatest unity ever - the oneness of husband and wife.

Sphiwe and Tsholo, it is my prayer that these words would increasingly be lived out in your relationship with one another as husband and wife.

1. Four Foundational Realities (v.1)

In Philippians 2:1, Paul encourages the Christians in Philippi about four realities that ought to bind them together with cords of love.

And those four realities must be constantly in your minds as professing Christians so that you will continue to foster and maintain unity in your own marriage.

Philippians 2:1 NASB95

1 Therefore if there is any encouragement in Christ, if there is any consolation of love, if there is any fellowship of the Spirit, if any affection and compassion,

When Paul uses the word “If” in this verse, he uses it as a declaration of that which is actually true. He really means, “since this is true of you.” Or, “as surely as” these are realities for you. Paul is telling them that God has done this work, and they most surely experience these realities as professing believers.

As you come to be married today, you have come together expressing the desire to serve Christ together. You have both professed your faith in Christ, and are seeking to live to His glory and praise.

What are the implications of that? There are four things that Paul draws out in these verses.

1.1. Encouragement in Christ

Fristly, he speaks about “encouragement in Christ.” If you have any encouragement in Christ. Or, “since you have encouragement in Christ...”

Christ is the one who gives us our encouragement and hope.

We know that Christ came into the world in order to save sinners, and to bring us to God.

God demonstrated the riches of His kindness towards us by redeeming us at the highest cost.

There is great encouragement to be found in considering Christ Jesus, and the work that He has done in order to redeem each of you. If God did not spare His own Son to redeem each of you, how much more so will He not give you all things that you need for life and godliness, and everything else that is needed.

This is foundational Reality number one. I would encourage you to ponder it and delight in it regularly.

1.2. Consolation of Love

There is great encouragement to us as we consider the love that God has.

John 3:16 NASB95

16 “For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life.

Romans 5:8 NASB95

8 But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.

This is the love that God has shown to each of you.

It is an undeserved love. It is a love that has spared no cost in giving you what you could never gain on your own. God has saved us through the Son whom he loved and delighted in.

1 John 3:1 (NASB95)

1 See how great a love the Father has bestowed on us, that we would be called children of God....

This is the love that God has shown to each of you. And the love of God does not and will not change, because God is unchangeable.

As you both head into marriage, it should be a wonderful comfort and encouragement that the loving God who created, the loving God that saved you, is the loving God that has led you both to one another, and is the loving God who will keep you together.

Ponder often God’s love for you. When you have joyful times together, you will need to keep thanking God for His love. When you walk through dark valleys and struggles, you will be encouraged through the reminder of God’s unfailing love!

1.3. Fellowship of the Spirit

This is another very helpful foundational reality.

Those who are in Christ have received the promised seal of the Holy Spirit. Every one of us who are in Christ have the Spirit of Christ dwelling in us, and directing us in life.

Paul is encoruaging them here by telling them that they have the fellowship of the Spirit. It is the same Spirit of God that dwells in each of you. And the Spirit of God will not be divided.

This truth will be helpful to you both as you seek to walk a path in obedience to God. Knowing that the Spirit of God will guide you is a great encouragement, so long as you will both seek to submit to His Spirit through the word and faithful instruction.

1.4. Affection and Compassion

This is the fourth foundational reality, and it is a reminder of the compassion and care that God has shown to each of you in Christ.

Psalm 145:8 NASB95

8 The Lord is gracious and merciful; Slow to anger and great in lovingkindness.

Psalm 111:4 NASB95

4 He has made His wonders to be remembered; The Lord is gracious and compassionate.

We find also the words of Jesus to his disciples…

Matthew 11:29 NASB95

29 “Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.

This is the God that you serve. He is compassionate, merciful, kind.

God has poured out His mercies and His grace on your lives. He is filled with a sense of love and care for each of you.

This is a truth to remember, a foundational reality that you must keep in your minds as you enter into marriage.

It is these truths that will sustain and encourage you both towards unity in your marriage.

Secondly…

2. Three Action Steps (v.2)

There are certain ways of thinking, heart attitudes that are to be part of your daily life together if you going to live in unity and harmony as God would desire for your marriage.

Philippians 2:2 NASB95

2 make my joy complete by being of the same mind, maintaining the same love, united in spirit, intent on one purpose.

2.1. Be of the Same Mind

Now, it may seem strange to “be of the same mind.” After all, aren’t we all just so different? And the reality is that we are so different.

One of you will like one type of food, the other will quite dislike it.

One of you may enjoy winter weather, the other summer.

One of you is a person who prefers to save the money you have. The other of you likes use the money you’ve been given.

One of you likes the interaction of people and crowded spaces. The other prefers to be in solitude and quietness.

These are natural differences. They are differences that God has designed into His people for His glory. They are good an proper.

Nonetheless, we must be of the same mind. We must think, or have a dominant attitude, towards something specific.

Verse 5 uses the same word…

Philippians 2:5 NASB95

5 Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus,

And the mind that Christ had was one of service. Humbling Himself for the purpose of serving others.

That is to each of your goal. Your goal as you enter into marriage is not to get the most out of your partner as you possibly can. It is to give the most to your partner that you possibly can.

2.2. Maintain the Same Love

Paul is saying in this phrase that they must work on growing in their love for one another. He has already said previously in Philippians 1:9 that he prays that their love may abound more and more.

So it is necessary for you in your marriage. It is necessary that you maintain a deep love, and in fact that your love for one another would only increase all the more for one another as you grow to know one another more.

This is an absolutely critical part of your marriage, because it is through love that the law of God and Christ is fulfilled.

1 John 3:11 NASB95

11 For this is the message which you have heard from the beginning, that we should love one another;

1 John 4:12 NASB95

12 No one has seen God at any time; if we love one another, God abides in us, and His love is perfected in us.

Romans 13:8 NASB95

8 Owe nothing to anyone except to love one another; for he who loves his neighbor has fulfilled the law.

We are called here to keep ourselves in the love of Christ. This will be a work that you need to commit yourself to. It is not a love that is based on the your partner’s performance. It is not a love that must be demonstrated when your partner is doing well, and serving you well, but then withheld when they sin against you and make all kinds of mistakes and judgment errors. It is a love that must demonstrated and acted out, at every moment, each of you looking to yourselves to ensure that you are loving, rather than trying to force the other to love.

1 Peter 1:22–23 NASB95

22 Since you have in obedience to the truth purified your souls for a sincere love of the brethren, fervently love one another from the heart, 23 for you have been born again not of seed which is perishable but imperishable, that is, through the living and enduring word of God.

2.3. Be United in Spirit and purpose

Paul is saying - if he were speaking to you Sphiwe and Tsholo in your marriage, that you must be two souls that are in harmony with each other.

When two people are preoccupied with their own personal agendas, they will pull in different directions and cause division. You both need to pull in the same direction.

And what direction would that be, specifically?

The direction of godly living. In other words, you are to both be fixing your eyes on the hope that is found in Christ. You are to do all that you do primarily with the goal of glorfying and bringing honour and praise to Christ in your lives, rather than seeking your own pleasures, treasures and comforts in this world.

You need to both acknolwedge that Jesus Christ is Lord, and submission to Him, and what He calls each of you to, is the most important and greatest priority for you each.

Be united in spirit and purpose.

3. Two Sides of the Right Attitude (v.3-4)

Paul now addresses the attitude that you must have in order for this to work out practically in your lives. And they are presented as two sets of opposites.

Philippians 2:3 NASB95

3 Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves;

And then, saying a similar thing with different wording in the next verse, he writes

Philippians 2:4 NASB95

4 do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.

These verses describe the attitude that each of you should have. And as I’ve mentioned, the attitude is presented as the two sides of the same coin.

The first side is…

3.1. Deny Yourself

Do nothing from selfishness are empty conceit (pride).

In the marriage relationship (as with all relationships in the church) we are called to look away from ourselves and what we would like, and what our dreams and goals are as first and greatest priority.

That is not to say you cannot have dreams or goals or ambitions.

Rather, it is to say that you must not put those dreams and goals and ambitions as your highest priority, without careful consideration of your partner.

The Letter to the Philippians B. Think of the Interests of Others (2:1–4)

As long as Christians have the attitude that what matters most is self-fulfillment and self-advancement, they will never experience the unity of one mind.

The same is true in marriage.

If your goal is vain glory (empty conceipt) it means that you have set your heart on self-exaltation. You have set your heart on looking great in the eyes of others. You have sought after the glory of position, prestige, power, and possessions.

These are things that will disappear with time. They will not last.

Christ gave away all of these things, all of His power and position and comfort in heaven, and he became a servant. He humbled Himself.

So, your attitude should not be, how can I excel, and advance, and become someone great. Rather on one side of the coin, it should be, how may I humble myself and be sure to do nothing out of selfishness.

Then, the other side of the same coin…

3.2. Serve Your Partner

Paul says here that you are to regard one another as more important.

In verse 4, look to the interests of others.

When Christ gave up all that he had in heaven at His father’s side, he came into this world as a person, more than that, as a slave. He came to serve. He came to give his own life the sake of those who were utterly unworthy.

Eventually, he would have his own life sacrificed for the good and benefit of sinful people.

That is the attitude that Paul calls Christians to. That is the attitude that will serve you well in your marriage. You need to both, each of you, seek to serve the other, and to regard them as more important than yourselves.

This is a call to humility. It is something that goes against our natural way of thinking. It is thought of very often to be a demonstration of lowliness, weakness, lack of freedom etc. But this is the call to the Christian.

I would suggest to you, that if you would enjoy a long, happy, and truly prosperous marriage together, it will only come through deep humility and serving one another in love.

Christ humbled himself, and God ultimately exalted him.

You have been called to a life of servanthood.

One of the greatest examples of this is found in Jesus himself, when he performed a task that was reserved for the lowest of the low. For the lowest servant of the house. He washed the feet of His disciples.

He was the King of kings. He was the one by whom all things were created. But he got down on his knees, and he served his disciples by washing their feet.

They were rightly shocked. How could He do this? He was their Rabbi… their master… their Lord. But He said to them that He must serve them in this way. And after doing that, we read what he says further to them (and I’ll end with this)....

John 13:12–17 NASB95

12 So when He had washed their feet, and taken His garments and reclined at the table again, He said to them, “Do you know what I have done to you? 13 “You call Me Teacher and Lord; and you are right, for so I am. 14 “If I then, the Lord and the Teacher, washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another’s feet. 15 “For I gave you an example that you also should do as I did to you. 16 “Truly, truly, I say to you, a slave is not greater than his master, nor is one who is sent greater than the one who sent him. 17 “If you know these things, you are blessed if you do them.

Sphiwe and Tsholo, your Master and Lord Jesus Christ has set you an example. You will be blessed not by knowing the example, but by doing it. By serving one another in marriage.

It is our prayer for you both that the Lord would richly bless you both as you enter into this marriage together!!

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