Sermon Tone Analysis

*Notes from *

*/Just How Married Do You Want To Be?/*

*By Jim & Sarah Sumner*

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Marriage is not a possession for people to “have.”

Marriage is a holy relationship, not a commodity for couples to consumer.

Our commitment to each other is rooted in our commitment to Jesus Christ.

We can’t give up on our commitment to each other without breaching our commitment to Christ.

The further they go up the triangle, the closer they get to God and to each other.

Oneness calls for conflict resolution, realistic expectations, truthfulness, vulnerablility, excellent listening skills, humble cooperation, and an ongoing willingness to forgive.

Ironically, when the leadership of the husband becomes a primary focus, the headship of Christ is virtually forgotten or ignored.

The challenge for Christian couples is to make it their priority to build a “one flesh” marriage with their spouse.

There is a big difference between a Christ-centered marriage and a self-centered marriage of any sort.

Only when a marriage is Christ-centered can a couple maximize their marital oneness.

1        Unlikely Couple

2        Models of Marriage

3        Deeper Understanding of Headship

 

I am inspired by Christ’s headship.

He uses His power to free me, so that I can give freely to others.

Chris’s headship is distinctive both from his lordship and his saviorhood.

Once we begin to see ourselves as belonging to Christ our head, we start to understand how much we all matter to God.

 

Married couples in the church do not consciously think of themselves as being member of each other---as being a head an dbody union tha t symbolizes Christ’s union with the church.

We are “in Christ” because we are Christ’s body.

Our relationship with Christ is what fluctuates.

We are responsible to follow Christ each day in order to practice oneness in our marriage.

Would it change my view of marriage if the word “head” were removed from Ephesionas 5?

 

Headship does not mean lordship.

Husband and wife are to relate as head and body---not as body and lord.

The Bible says a husband is the head of his wife not the Lord of his wife.

I cannot be responsible for my wife’s thoughts and actions because I don’t have control of her will.

She has response—ability—the ability to respond—because she is created in the image of God.

No husband is told to act as Lord or Savor of his wife.

4        A biblical Model of Marriage

 

To be a faithful spouse is to be wedded to Jesus Christ along with being married to a person.

Christ alone is treated as the leader of the marriage because Christ alone is Lord.

When the Greek word head is defined by words such as authority or source married couples in the church tend to minimize the tragedy of divorce.

When head and body are used readers begin to see in graphic form why God hates divorce.

It is a horrible bloody scene.

It is not so disturbing to envision a leader departing from his assistant or vice versa.

And it is not that big a deal to see tow individuals, both equal and independent, choosing to move on their own ways.

But it is utterly disconcerting to imagine a physical body being wholly amputated from its head.

*5        **Practicing Oneness in the Grind of Daily Living *

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Being present.

Remembering One’s oneness.

Honoring Wise Boundaries

Helping Each Other

Building Strong Friendships with People of the Opposite Sex

The Husband’s Call to Cleave

The command to cleave is given by God to husbands.

Some Christian men seem tempted to cleave instead to a worldly sense of manhood.

Submission and Sacrifice

Instead of being taught the biblical dynamic of oneness---in which the wife submits to her husband, and the husband sacrifices himself for the wife---most have been taught that the wife is to submit so that the husband can lead her.

Take note: wives are to submit not so that the husband can lead her but so that the two can be one.

To submit literally means to “come under.”

When a wife submits to her husband “as to the Lord,” she does not enthrone him as if he were her Lord.

The husband is not the wife’s Lord.

The husband is the wife’s head.

The wife submits to her husband by coming under him with her support.

As the church supports Christ by laboring with him, so the wife supports her husband by laboring with him.

The wife is the husband’ helper.

She was designed to give help.

God created Eve for the purpose of being helpful to Adam.

Adam is the one who need help.

Eve was created to be helpful not helpless.

When God created her she wasn’t there to be rescued.

When a wife submits to her husband, she does not give up her will.

She exercises her will to conform her will to her husband’s.

Submission is not forfeiture.

And the Bible says she is to do it in everything not just the impasse things.

Husbands are under the impression that the commandment to sacrifice for their wives counts only in crisis when he might take a bullet for his wife.

But the Bible says to love our wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.

He did more than prepare himself to do something.

Christ actually gave himself.

He wasn’t merely willing

to sacrifice his advantage.

He really did it.

Husbands are to do the same.

*6        **Resolving Conflict*

 

Sometimes forbearance is not enough.

Sometimes what is needed is reproof.

To reprove means “to expose” our of love for that person.

It does not mean to be judgmental.

Rather it is to love someone enough to help them see a sin they might not see.

If you can’t seem to let it go without distancing yourself emotionally, or feeling sorry for yourself, or complaining to someone else about your partner, or retaliating vindictively in reaction, then it is probably time for you to confront.

Matthew 7:3-5 (ESV)Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? 4 Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? 5 You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.

The person who feels offended must take the log out o his~/her own eye.

Because biblical confrontation is itself an act of love, doing it calls the person to act from a heart of love.

Confrontation should come not from a self-righteous attitude but rather from a heart of humility.

Am I for or against my spouse in this situation.

Am I harboring resentment against my partner?

To hold people accountable Christianly means to speak into their lies for their sake.

It means to be for them, not against them.

You are doing it for them, not yourself.

To reprove means “to expose.”

It does not mean to scold or gripe at.

If your spouse is defensive it is time to apply the next step.

The smart thing is to take one or two persons whom your spouse respects; the whole point is to help your spouse to gain the incentive to repent.

First.

We are afraid to utilize the process given in Matthew 18, because we think our spouses might misunderstand and feel betrayed.

They might think we’re against them.

Secondly.