Marriage and Divorce

David Poland

Matthew: Kingdom Authority • Sermon • Submitted a year ago

Matthew 19:1–12

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Sermon 59 in a series through the book of Matthew

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Psalm of the Day: Psalm 2

Psalm 2 ESV

Why do the nations rage and the peoples plot in vain? The kings of the earth set themselves, and the rulers take counsel together, against the Lord and against his Anointed, saying, “Let us burst their bonds apart and cast away their cords from us.” He who sits in the heavens laughs; the Lord holds them in derision. Then he will speak to them in his wrath, and terrify them in his fury, saying, “As for me, I have set my King on Zion, my holy hill.” I will tell of the decree: The Lord said to me, “You are my Son; today I have begotten you. Ask of me, and I will make the nations your heritage, and the ends of the earth your possession. You shall break them with a rod of iron and dash them in pieces like a potter’s vessel.” Now therefore, O kings, be wise; be warned, O rulers of the earth. Serve the Lord with fear, and rejoice with trembling. Kiss the Son, lest he be angry, and you perish in the way, for his wrath is quickly kindled. Blessed are all who take refuge in him.

Scripture Reading:

Psalm 119:129–131 ESV

Your testimonies are wonderful; therefore my soul keeps them. The unfolding of your words gives light; it imparts understanding to the simple. I open my mouth and pant, because I long for your commandments.

Sermon

Good Morning Church! I was Glad when they said to me let us go and worship in the house of the Lord!

Well as we continue our way through the book of Matthew, we find ourselves in, probably unsurprising, ay least it should probably be unsurprising to us at this point, but we find ourselves in another of the more controversial we could say, teaching of Jesus. It is certainly one of the more loaded and possibly difficult teachings of jesus, but this is in many ways the beauty of just going through books, for we are not really allowed to skip over the difficult parts and skip over the things we would rather not talk about and rather not deal with. instead we are forced to dive into what can be difficult, or painful, or even divisive teachings of Jesus.

today we will be looking at what is the most extensive teaching of Jesus on the subjects of marriage and divorce and even singleness. Here then Jesus is speaking into what are the most intimate and the deepest relationships that we may have on this earth. here in this passage Jesus will talk about them, teach on them and give us life. however, with that being said, while Jesus is certainly teaching us about these things, there is also something a little deeper going on here that I hope and pray that we can see.

So with that in mind lets read our passage for today. Our passage is Matthew 19, verses 1-12. So we have made it all the way to Matthew 19, no small accomplishment by itself, but with that lets dive in

Matthew 19:1–12 ESV

Now when Jesus had finished these sayings, he went away from Galilee and entered the region of Judea beyond the Jordan. And large crowds followed him, and he healed them there. And Pharisees came up to him and tested him by asking, “Is it lawful to divorce one’s wife for any cause?” He answered, “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” They said to him, “Why then did Moses command one to give a certificate of divorce and to send her away?” He said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.” The disciples said to him, “If such is the case of a man with his wife, it is better not to marry.” But he said to them, “Not everyone can receive this saying, but only those to whom it is given. For there are eunuchs who have been so from birth, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. Let the one who is able to receive this receive it.”

These are the words of the Lord for us this morning, Lets open with a word of Prayer

Dear Lord we thank you for today, for your love and mercy. Thank you for your words given to us that we might know you, that we might be known by you, that we might serve you and love you. thank you for giving us all we need for life and godliness, and for empowering us to live for you. may you speak to us, give us ears to hear, help us to receive your words for us this morning., it is in jesus name that we pray. AMEN

As we approach this passage, before we even dive in, I would like to sort of share a principle of bible reading that I have come to treasure. if I were to put it simply it would be this: if you are reading scripture and do not have the same questions as the characters you are reading about, you are probably reading it wrong.

i came to this conclusion in reading through the book of Romans. In Romans, Paul is very carefully laying out a very difficult theological argument. It is difficult because it is deep and powerful, and it is difficult because it may leave us with a lot of Questions. And so over and over again in the book of Romans Paul asks rhetorical questions. So what then? Should we just keep on sinning so that grace may abound? (Romans 6:2). The reason Paul asks that question is because he sees that from what he has previously said it is possible that someone could get that wrong idea. So Up to then he as been talking about how we are free in Christ, and grace covers all our sins. and how grace in bigger and greater than our sins, and in some sense his grace is magnified in the depth f his forgiveness as it covers all our sins. So it is possible that someone could say “well great, I can magnify his grace in my sinning! No, that is ridiculous, Paul says, but we don’t get the grace of God Paul is writing about if we cant see why someone MIGHT think that. And in Romans this occurs all the time. So here is the principle, If Paul anticipates a question, you should try and figure out WHY someone might ask that question. But biblically it is greater, if you see a question, you should ascertain WHY that is there.

But now, looking to Matthew, we don’t even need to “anticipate” what the questions are for in fact the questions are asked for us. And so as we walk through this passage, I want us to see that this teaching is framed by and really guided by THREE DIFFERENT QUESTIONS

Three Questions Frame the debate

These questions are asked by two different groups, and we see their hearts and intentions come into play. but more than that when we see the heart of the questions, we are enabled to understand the heart of Jesus teaching.

This isn’t just Jesus siting down because he wanted to to explain marriage. As a pastor usually the times we get to explain marriages are a wedding or pre-marital counseling, Jesus is doing neither of these things here. But for Jesus there are some specific questions he is being asked in a specific context that he is speaking into, and we need to wrestle with these.

We should not contextually that there has been a change here, we have moved form a discourse to a narrative, how do we know that? Matthew Tells us! Matthew 19:1 “Now when Jesus had finished these sayings, he went away from Galilee and entered the region of Judea beyond the Jordan.” So he Finishes his conversations on church discipline, forgiveness, a couple of parables, the unforgiving servant and the lost sheep, the questions of who is the greatest in the kingdom. And now, having finished those he heads out, went away to the region of Judea beyond the Jordan, and large crowds are following his, as was the case. And he is healing people, as usual. So Jesus is doing Jesus things. eh is going around teaching and healing.

But here once again we are met with the enemies of Jesus (for lack of a better way to put it) that we have seen before in the book of Matthew. The Pharisees come up to him. We are going to see an increasing division between Jesus and the Pharisees as we get closer and closer to the cross. And so as this difficulty and strife between Jesus and the Pharisees begins to gear up, their heart of seeking to trick, or besmirch the name of, or just at least humiliate Jesus is going to come to the forefront. And so the fist question to Jesus comes from the Pharisees, it is about divorce and they ask: Matthew 19:3 “And Pharisees came up to him and tested him by asking, “Is it lawful to divorce one’s wife for any cause?””

Is it LAWFUL

We should note about this question a few thing. One: when asking is it lawful, the specific angle that the Pharisees are coming from is: can I still be righteous, can I still be considered sort of pure in God’s eyes, can I still be, i mean, one way that they are asking, Can I still be a pharisees, can i still be a religious leader, can I still be the important person i want to be, can I still be according to God’s law, do all the things I want to If I divorce my wife for any reason. Shortly: does it break the laws of God, can i still be righteous and holy?

This question is probably not asked by the pharisees in good faith. They think they know the answer, they just want to pin Jesus. it turns out, even 2000 years ago, divorce was controversial, there were strong opinions on all sides, there were people who would say YES to this question, people who would say NO and people all the way in between. And so part of the pharisees goal in asking this question is to get at least some group to turn on Jesus., This is the sort of question that when you ask it your goal is to pin the person to an answer, because the pharisees know SOMEONE will be mad. So in effect they are saying lets get to the heart of the matter. What are your feeling s about divorce. is it lawful to divorce ones wife for any cause.

SO Jesus answers. And Jesus answer, at the heart of it i would say is this: If you are asking the question in this way then you just don’t get it. If your very question is “how can I get out of. what are the ways and reasons that I can get out of marriage then you have missed the point completely already.”

Matthew 19:4 “He answered, “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female,” Hey Guys, I know this is difficult, you guys are biblical scholars, and busy guys, so maybe you have not made it this far in the scroll of the book of Genesis, it is you know all the way into the FIRST chapter when God creates them male and female.

Matthew 19:5 “and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’?” I know it is hard and difficult pharisees, to wrap your mind around what is being said by moses and God when he describes what happens, so let me help you. He leaves his father and mother and he clings to his wife. and the two become one flesh. So they are no longer two but one.

Matthew 19:6 “So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”” So here is your answer. If you re asking this question, if this is where you are starting, you have it all wrong. God ordained marriage, God made human beings such that Marriage was a perfect and beautiful gift given by God. The two who were once separate, who were once completely separate are now made ONE, and this in an intimate and personal way. but this combining is NOT BY MAN. See when you ask this question you are already talking like marriage is a man centered man ordained man empowered thing that was given to us. and so Men and women get marriage and men and women join together so that men and women can do this and men and women can get divorces, and you are missing the point Jesus says. God does this. it is a gift from God by God. No matter how we slice it, no matter what the world wants to say or how we feel Marriage is a gift, given by, instituted by, ordained by sealed by and empowered by God himself.

A difficulty that all pastors face is this question: If two unbelievers, if an unbelieving man and an unbelieving woman want to get married, should a christian pastor perform the marriage? and the answer that I have landed on is yes, and this is the reason why, because it is a gift that God has given to the world. In his common grace it is given to all peoples. But starting with the question: can i get a divorce? this means you have missed the heart and the thought of the gift.

So if you are asking is it lawful in a Pharisaical sort of way, and a still i can be righteous and holy in my own eyes if i do this? part of what Jesus is saying is - probably not. divorce is a warping and breaking of a precious gift given to us by God. it is woven into the very fabric of how God created us. It is not good. Of all the things that can and should be said about divorce, lets start there, its not good. What God has joined together let not man separate. But yet divorce exists. Even pastorally speaking I will be honest you look at situations and you see things and you know things and you are forced to wrestle with well what is going on here? OK well it is not ideal, it is not in the sort of perfect creative law of God, but then here is the next question: You know what, credit to the Pharisees, they get here. OK Maybe not lawful, maybe we overstated our case, but is it PERMISSIBLE.?

Is it PERMISSIBLE?

OK Jesus, OK, we thought were were going to get you with that one, Jesus beautifully and wonderfully dances his way out of that Question, Fine. you are saying this, and we cant disagree, it is kinda what Scripture says, but WHY THEN does moses talk about these certificates of divorce. there has to be something. Maybe it is not lawful, but it has to be permissible, I mean, right Jesus, you hear us on that one right? Maybe it is not the best plan, but it is A plan, I mean, moses himself gave us this idea. In the Law. He gave us these rules and regulations and things we could do in divorce, what is with the certificates?

We can start by speaking historically. Historically speaking it is important we understand what exactly is going on with the certificates of divorce, because I think they get us to the heart of the matter. The goal of, the value of certificates of divorce was to protect women. The problem that Certificates of divorce fixed was not just that divorces were happening, it is that men would claim to want a divorce from their wife, but would not fully separate from her. SO that he could go be free, do whatever he wanted to marry whomever he weaned to but this woman, because she didn’t have a certificate or proof of the divorce was unable to be re-wed, and so she was forced to live as an outcast or all alone or just deal with her skuzzball husband. So the purpose of these was to sort of protect people who needed to be protected in this case.

So that was the heart behind it, but then the practice became warped. Well as long as you give there certificate you are good to go. And so the Idea in the first question of “for any cause” we can go back and read some of the rabbinical writings and see this stuff. The reasons that are given are ridiculous. She burned my food, I am leaving here. I don’t think she is attractive anymore, i am leaving her. She has not given me an heir that I want, I am done with her. And so the original purpose was to protect these women from men who were foolishly and sinfully looking for any way out of the holy bond of marriage. and so Jesus responds in this way:

Matthew 19:8 “He said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so.” So is it permissible, I guess. But you gotta realize WHY moses did this. it is because Y’ALL KEPT ON SINNING! It is because you guys in your hardness of heart were bound and determined down this destructive path., So God made this caveat so that those most vulnerable would be protected from you and your sin! So sure, it is permissible, but the cases are probably not as broad as you want to think.

Matthew 19:9 “And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.”” And here it is, there may be cases, i would say corner cases, but note, and the heart of this I do not want to get into a debate about the Pauline exemption and that stuff, all that stuff, it is there, But I don’t want to get into it, the heart of the matter here is this: Because sin exists in the world, because brokenness exists in the world, yeah sure, things like divorce happen, but 1) we should mourn this, not celebrate it. and 2)praise be to God that he protects and cares for us, who does not abandon us to live in the complete wanton brokenness of the world, but instead makes a way for us.

This is a little odd, because we are dealing with divorce here, but the principle That we can say is this: sin breaks everything, but God breaks the power of sin. Ultimately the problem that we all need a solution to is sin, it is not ultimately divorce, that is a symptom. Compare this to this thought: the pharisees spend all there time trying to figure out: how do i get out of marriage, how can I do this, how can I have my cake and eat it too, how can i divorce my wife but still be considered a holy person, how can i follow all these rules and still get exactly what I want? They think their problem is being able to rules lawyer their way out of all the stipulations and the commands of god.

Jesus answers, this was a precious gift. this One flesh union given by God was designed to be perfect and beautiful. Form the beginning. Marriage, if we actually sit down and think about this marriage comes from before the fall. before Adam and eve sinned this idea of a man and a woman joining in a one flesh union it comes from before sin entered the world. Divorce only comes after. So the ideal perfect calling is DO NOT DO IT. divorce should be considered the worst case for NO REASON THAT I CAN THINK OF BUT IF I HAVE TO I GUESS IT IS PERMISSIBLE. It is surely not something to be trifled with or taken lightly. the call to marriage is difficult. it is not to be something you can get in and out of just because you want to. It is to be till death do us part.

The disciples seem to get this. Pharisees are put in their place. Go read your Scriptures, you want to come at Jesus,. just go read your Scriptures, the answers you need are there, figure it out yourself. but then verse 10 the disciples come to him. OK Jesus, if what you are saying is true, then this is really hard. Maybe it is better not to marry. What they are really asking, this is how I would phrase it, IS THIS EVEN POSSIBLE?

Is It POSSIBLE?

OK Jesus you have laid out this standard for divorce, is it even possible to live this way? Wouldn't it be better not to marry? This is where this passage gets really interesting, because in effect Jesus answered, probably. Maybe. Verse 11. Matthew 19:11 “But he said to them, “Not everyone can receive this saying, but only those to whom it is given.”

the way I read this I think Jesus is saying this to BOTH SIDES. Marriage is difficult. There are no easy marriages and there are no easy outs. You don’t get to say this is hard, I don’t like this or you, lets get a divorce. To join in marriage is to be a lifelong thing, and that is really hard. but by the grace of God I would say it is impossible. SO not everyone can receive this saying. heres another hard one: if you are not called to be married, you are called to be single.

Matthew 19:12 “For there are eunuchs who have been so from birth, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. Let the one who is able to receive this receive it.”” Maybe God is calling you to a life of singleness. As you read the standard for marriage maybe you say, well that's too hard, OK, you are right, then be single. You have that as an option too, but guess what, THAT'S ALSO HARD. Both of these options that we are left with are both inherently difficult. sometimes painful, and both are only possible by the grace and mercy of God.

One of the ways that we have, and by we I mean the general evangelical church around us, but one of the ways that we have missed the thread here is that we go to the extreme on either side. we paint marriage as happily ever after it is the perfect gift that every one should want because it is the only source of goodness in your life and singleness is a curse that you may have to endure. Or we go to the other side and marriage is so difficult and hard and miserable, I mean you have to live with this person the rest of your life. You are called to faithfulness love and compassion, lifting each other up, you have to literally live with them which for some of you living with some of US might actually be the most difficult part, so i would rather be single. When the reality is that both of these are both a gift and a challenge both of these come with goodness and empowerment by God and BOTH are only possible through the working of God.

Heres the heart, we are not called to ease, we are not called to WHATEVER we want, we are called to service to the Lord. For some that is the sanctification pressure cooker that is marriage, for others it is service to God in singleness, either way this is what I know is true: 1) it is only possible to be fulfilled through the power of Christ and 2) we need each other, we need to lift one another up knowing that we are all called differently, and that is the beauty of this life we live together as the church., lets pray!