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Doris & Henry

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Doris & Henry

Going to the Missionary Convention

Doris:     This is so exciting Henry, another annual missionary convention.  I look forward to this drive every year.

Henry:    Yeah, well you know how I feel about it Doris.

Doris:     Sure, sure.

Henry:    It’s a chance to spread some Love.        …Had it on my mind ever since I got up this morning.  Henry, I said, today is that day that you just spread love.

Doris:     Well, you always were big on missions Henry.  You’re always doing something spiritual.

Henry:    Whatcha talkin’ about huh?  Always remindin’ myself of that too.  Henry, I say, you are Spiritual!

Doris:     Well, Henry, as I recall, you were the first one in the church to bring those…ah…ahem...well you brought those uh…ahem

Henry:    Go ahead and say it Doris, I brought the black folk right there into the church.

Doris:     Well, yes, yes that’s it.

Henry:    Sat on that pew behind the organ, remember that?

Doris:     Oh Yeah… well, we burnt that pew at the barbecue last year though Henry, remember?

Henry:    Well nobody saw’em there, but we knew they were there.

Doris:     Sure, sure…

Henry:    One person I wished I’d have told, Doris…

Doris:     Who’s that?

Henry:    The Preacher.

Doris:     Oh Yes!

Henry:    Scared him half to death.  Lost his place.

Doris:     Three times…three times.  You know I hope Dr. Byers it at the convention this year.

Henry:    Dr. Byers, Dr. Byers…

Doris:     I enjoyed him so much last year…spoke on Love.

Henry:    Oh yeah that was the guy, that was the guy that had the bad case of acme.

Doris:     I really enjoyed him, Henry.

Henry:    Had pit marks all over his face, didn’t he Doris?

Doris:     Let’s see now, He spoke on Love four times as I remember…

Henry:    Oh, and even had’em on his nose! I hate’em on that nose.

Doris:     Of course, I did enjoy his wife too.

Henry:    Now she didn’t have any of that acme…her skin was pure as a baby.

Doris:     Oh…Henry…Henry, it looks like you’re running low on gas there.

Henry:    Yeah you’re right Doris.  You know I’m glad I brought you along, huh? (Doris Giggles) Here, I’ll just pull in here…you watch this guy, you just watch him, he’s gonna be slow, he’ll be slow.

Doris:     I don’t want to be late for the convention, Henry.

Doris:     Oh, Henry.

Henry:    I’m gonna say something to him…OK I’ve had it now, would you hurry up?   What’s the problem with you, fella, you ol foot gone to sleep or something?  Can’t you see we’re in a hurry?  We’re going to a missionary convention!

Doris:     Oh my, Henry!

Henry:    This is a hick town, Doris.  I hate hicks, I hate hicks!

Doris:     Henry do you know this is a hick town?

Henry:    I knew it the minute we pulled up.  You want to know how I know it?

Doris:     Uh huh!

Henry:    Look over there; do you see that Coke machine over there?

Doris:     Uh huh!

Henry:    Look right beside it.  Look at that dog with the infected ear!

Doris:     Oh Yes!

Henry:    And I wanted some Coke & crackers, too!

Doris:     Oh My!

Henry:    Hey Mister, mister…you ought a take that dog and put him inside that machine…Doris, I hate hicks, I hate hicks, I hate hicks!

Doris:     But Henry…you were born in a hick town.

Henry:    I hated everybody there.

Doris:     And your mother & father?

Henry:    I hated them too.

Doris:     And your brother?

Henry:    Now He was from out of town, Doris.

Doris:     Oh that’s right, that’s right.  Oh Henry please tell that man to hurry…uh, uh…here he comes Henry, and he has made us late.

Henry:    I’m gonna say something to him…

Doris:     Yeah, say it!

Henry:    I’m gonna say something to him…

Doris:     Say it!

Henry:    I just want you to know, fella, you’ve made us late to a missionary convention…you’re gonna have to live with that clown.

Doris:     Oh, honestly.  Oh My!

Doris:     Oh Henry, Henry, Henry.  I just can’t wait to get to the convention and spread the love!

Henry:    Yeah, you know the way I feel about it, Doris.

Doris:     Sure, sure.

Henry:    Had it on my mind all day.  Henry, I said, just spread that love.

Doris:     Yeah…

Henry:    (Singing) Dear Lord I Love Thee, and I just want to serve Thee.  Oh my goodness, Doris, I don’t believe this, I just don’t believe it.

Doris:     What is it, Henry?

Henry:    Act like you’re fixing your makeup.

Doris:     Uh huh?

Henry:    What is that?

Doris:     Ugh…

Henry:    …a bunch of hippie freaks!

Doris:     I can smell’em from here, Henry!

Henry:    There a mile back and I can smell’em!

Doris:     Oh …My!

Henry:    You just tell me what they are, boys or girls, huh?

Doris:     Oh who knows?

Henry:    You just take your pick!  …Doris!

Doris:     What is it?

Henry:    Dor…there’s a curve coming up here!  He’s gonna pass me on this curve!

Doris:     Oh no Henry!

Both:      OHHHHHHH!

Henry:    I hope you wrap yourself around a tree!

Doris:     Oh my!  Oh I just hate people like that, Henry.

Henry:    Doris I thought we were gonna meet the Lord today.  I mean I been living right, I’m ready to go, but not today!

Doris:     Now just calm down, Henry just calm down, just …It’s alright…. Oh my…Oh Henry, did I bring my blue suit with the fur collar?

Henry:    Oh Doris, I don’t matter…you’re always the best-dressed one there!

Doris:     Oh you’re probably right! …Oh my…

Henry:    Not like that Bob Johnson.

Doris:     Oh Tacky!

Henry:    He always has on those ban Lon shirts with the little alligator on’em.  I tell you that’s the tackiest one man I ever meet in my life!

Doris:     Uh Hum.

Henry:    You know what he had on his wedding day?

Doris:     What’s that?

Henry:    I went by there and he had on white Bermudas, a white ban Lon shirt with a little purple alligator on it!

Doris:     Oh My!

Henry:    I’ll tell you something right now, Doris.  I’ll cut up about him here in the car.

Doris:     Uh huh.

Henry:    But if we get to the convention, walk into that tabernacle, and that man don’t have on a tie…I’m gonna take a tie and wrap it around his neck!

Doris:     Oh Henry!  Henry, Henry, you know I’ve been thinking…I really think they ought to let you on that platform to speak tonight.  They ought to let you take the podium Henry.

Henry:    It’s funny you’d  say that, Doris.

Doris:     Really?

Henry:    I guess you can just tell we been married a long time.

Doris:     Sure, sure.

Henry:    We think alike baby.

Doris:     Yeah.

Henry:    Now you know I’m not big on words, Huh?

Doris:     Oh No…

Henry:    I think I could sum it up in about five words.

Doris:     Really?

Henry:    Sure…Spread love to them heathens!

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