Married on Purpose

Marc Minter

FBC Diana

How Should We Live? • Sermon • Submitted a year ago • Presented a year ago

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Main Point: We believe marriage is the uniting of one man and one woman in covenant commitment for a lifetime.

Notes

Transcript

Introduction

On June 26, 2015, the Supreme Court of the United States ruled in the case of Obergefell v. Hodges. The Court affirmed that the Fourteenth Amendment of the US Constitution included “a fundamental right to marry” for “same-sex” couples.[i] In late November of last year, the US Senate passed the Respect for Marriage Act, the House voted to affirm on December 8, and the President signed it into law five days later.

The bill specifically aimed (1) to replace the previous language of American law and (2) to repeal the Defense of Marriage Act, which had been signed into law by President Bill Clinton in 1996. The Respect for Marriage Act (which is now American law) says, “an individual shall be considered married if that individual’s marriage [1] is between 2 individuals and [2] is valid in the State where the marriage was entered into…”[ii] The only stipulation is the number “2,” but it doesn’t take much to imagine the removal of even that limitation.

In contrast to American culture and politics, Vladimir Putin (the Russian President) said (in a speech about a week ago) that people in the West need to “look at the Scriptures.”[iii] He said that all of the three main religions of the world know that “family is a union of a man and a woman.” Now, I’m sure that Putin and I have all sorts of disagreements, many of which center on religion and doctrine, but on this point, he is exactly right.

And yet, I don’t want to give the impression that America’s present-day sexual confusion is the chief culprit in the erosion of marriage as an institution. Friends, marriage as a societal good has been dislodged from its historic and biblical ground for a very long time. In America, before 1969 (that’s 54 years ago), a husband or wife had to petition a state court for a divorce, and only on the grounds of adultery or abandonment. And the accusation had to be proven in a court of law, so this made divorce quite difficult.

It was Ronald Reagan, then Governor of California, who signed the Family Law Act in 1969, which was speedily replicated in state courts across the US. This Act provided married couples with an option to divorce without providing any reason for it, other than the fact that the husband and wife no longer wanted to be married. This was the beginning of “no-fault” divorce in America, and divorce rates have risen ever since.

What’s more, cohabitation (or living together) has skyrocketed. As of 2022, 1 in every 5 unmarried individuals aged 18-29 are cohabiting.[iv] That number jumps to 1 in 4 for unmarried people in their 30s. I can speak from experience that nearly all of the young couples who have asked me to officiate their wedding at this church have been cohabiting, and this has made for some uncomfortable conversations (for all three of us).

I could go on about infidelity, abortion, “hook-up” culture, and a host of other issues related to the degradation of marriage, but I guess the main point of this introduction is that we live in a culture that is very confused about marriage. We don’t know what it is… and we don’t know what it’s for… and this is not new, nor is it just a problem for “those people out there.” Those who profess to be Christians in America have nearly identical patterns in all these areas (divorce, cohabitation, pornography, promiscuity) as unbelievers. It seems that “Christians” in American appear to be far more American than they do Christian.

So, with this third installment in our series “How Shall We Live?” I’m arguing that marriage is defined by God, delineated as covenant, and directive for Christians. And it’s in that last point that I intend to get really practical about what we (as Christians) can and should do to live as faithful witnesses of Christ in the world by honoring marriage for what it is. Essentially, I’m arguing that Christians should live as Christians, in whatever culture they find themselves, and one of the main ways we can do this is by honoring marriage for what it is… for the sake of our own witness, for our own benefit, and for the benefit of the world around us.

Let’s start by reading our primary Scripture for today: Genesis 2:18-25.

Scripture Reading

Genesis 2:18–25 (ESV)

18 Then the LORD God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.”

19 Now out of the ground the LORD God had formed every beast of the field and every bird of the heavens and brought them to the man to see what he would call them. And whatever the man called every living creature, that was its name. 20 The man gave names to all livestock and to the birds of the heavens and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper fit for him.

21 So the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. 22 And the rib that the LORD God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. 23 Then the man said, “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.”

24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. 25 And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.

Main Idea:

We believe marriage is the uniting of one man and one woman in covenant commitment for a lifetime.

Sermon

1. Defined at Creation

Our confession of faith says, “We believe marriage is the uniting of one man and one woman in covenant commitment for a lifetime.”[v] But from where has this affirmation come? Why must I put this flag in the ground and say out loud that FBC Diana believes in such an outdated, exclusive, and bigoted idea as monogamous, committed, heterosexual marriage?

Well, I could start by saying that FBC Diana merely holds to the same view of marriage that any Christian confession has articulated about marriage for the last 2,000 years. It may feel like the biblical definition of marriage is the minority view today (and indeed it may be), but it is not rational to argue that Bible-believing Christians have all-of-a-sudden become closed-minded bigots on this point. Christians who uphold the institution of marriage as the Bible defines it are simply doing what Christians have done for centuries.

I guess what I’m saying is that I’m not putting any flag in the ground on marriage today… I’m just pointing to a flag that’s already been waving for a really long time… and I’m calling us to remember what it stands for.

But this still doesn’t really answer the question about why Christians can’t just “get with the times” on the modern idea of marriage. If all we’re doing is standing on tradition, then we may indeed be the closed-minded bigots that some people say we are. Especially for the teens and young adults in the room (and for those who have not been taught or catechized in Christian doctrine and practice), we need to dig down deep to the bedrock of why we believe what we do… and that’s what we’re doing right now.

We believe marriage is the uniting of one man and one woman in covenant commitment for a lifetime, because (1) we believe that God invented marriage, and (2) we believe God gets to define the stuff He invents. Let’s look together at Genesis 2, and let’s see how God both invented marriage and defined it as well.

First, we must understand that Genesis 2 is the culmination of God’s creative activity. Genesis 1 is creation from the view at 30,000 feet, and Genesis 2 takes us down to the ground level. The two chapters overlap, but the second emphasizes God’s ordering of creation. In v5-7 we learn that man (or humanity)[vi]is a specially created thing (God “breathed” into him “the breath of life” [v7]), and we learn that man is entirely dependent upon God (man did not spring up on his own).

Then in v8-17 we learn that God cares for man (He “planted a garden” and “put the man” there with all he would need for life and enjoyment [v8-9]). And we learn that God orders or arranges man’s duties and man’s limitations(man is to “work” and to “keep” the garden [v15], but man is “not” to “eat” of one particular “tree” in the midst of the garden [v17]).

All of this speaks to the intentional design and orderGod has for His creation. God made it this way (and not that way), and He intends for it to work this way (and not that way)… and up to v18, the repeated refrain has been that all of God’s creative work is “good” (Genesis 1:3, 10, 13, 18, 21, 25) or even “very good” (Genesis 1:31). But for the first time in all of this good creative activity, God Himself says that something is “not good” (v18).

What is missing? What is not good? Ah, there is one more work of design or order that God established at the very beginning of creation – He established the fundamental human relationship… the one that produces and influences all other human interaction in the world.

This next scene in Genesis 2 (v18-25) focuses exclusively on the establishment, the defining, and the commissioning of the marriage relationship… and the next scene to come is the Fall of Genesis 3. That’s why I’m arguing that marriage is the climax of God’s creating and ordering of the world as He intends it to be. Marriage is the final creative act of ordering, not just the world, but the society of people who will live in it.

Marriage, therefore, is the fundamental human relationship… it’s the one that produces all other human relationships… and that influences all others.

So, how does God establish, define, and commission marriage in our passage today? Let’s consider it together.

God established or instituted marriage by presiding over the creation of it. There’s a sense in which God Himself is the first wedding officiant! God announced the need for a “helper” that was “fit” (v18) or “meet” (KJV) or “suitable” (NIV) for the man. The passage describes one who is “opposite” or “corresponding” to him, and simultaneously one who is “from” him and “of” his same “bone” and “flesh” (v22-23).[vii] And God provided exactly what was needed!

God defined marriage – He tells us and teaches us what marriage is – by poetically describing affirmations and denials about this union. The text is clear, God intends “the man” to be united with “a helper fit for him” (v18). But “there was not found a helper fit for him” among any of the other creatures (v20). So, God “made” (v22) or “fashioned” (NASB) a “woman” (v22). And God “brought” the “woman” to the “man,” and the man “named” her after himself (v22-23).

This, now, is (1) a companion, (2) who is made from the same stuff as the man, (3) but who is distinct from the man, and (4) their union is the nucleus of a distinct human institution, whereby a man and woman will leave their previous family unit and become an entirely new one of their own (that’s the meaning of v24: “a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife”).

And here is God’s commissioning of marriage as well… God said that this sort of union, between one man and one woman, is to effectively create a new family… with a new father and a new mother, who will “be fruitful and multiply” in order to send their children out (when they become adults) to do the same (Genesis 1:28). I’m not saying that getting married and having kids are the only things we should do… but I am saying that this relational and developmental order and structure is built into the very way God made us.

Friends, I know that this raises all sorts of questions about what to do or say or think about single people, widows, orphans, infertile marriages, and so many others who don’t easily fit into the definition I’ve laid out… but let’s not destroy the measuring stick just because we find a few pieces that are a little more difficult to measure. The union of one man and one woman in a lifetime commitment that normally produces children is what marriage is… and marriage is good!

Simply put, if you are young and single, (generally speaking) you ought to be thinking about how to prepare yourself to be a good husband or wife. You ought (again, generally speaking) to aim for marriage earlier than later, and you ought to have babies earlier than later as well. Husbanding and fathering, wifing and mothering, these are far more important and significant in life than getting an education, building widgets, or making money. If you wait until you are “established” before pursuing marriage, then you are missing the point that marriage itself is one of the main ways that most of us have been or will be established in society.

And if you are married, then let’s marvel at God’s good design for marriage! What a gift marriage is to us… that even after the Fall of sin, and the myriad of ways that we’ve neglected our marriage, corrupted it, or failed to live up to God’s definition of it… God’s institution of marriage has still provided us with true friendship, a real love that doesn’t stop when times get tough, and (for many of us) the joy of children, which is a great blessing (despite the pains and heartaches).

2. Delineated as Covenant

So far, I’ve been arguing that God established (or created or invented) marriage, He defined it (He told us what it is), and He commissioned it (He told us what it’s for) at the very beginning of creation. But there’s one particular feature of this definition that I want to key in on for just a bit today – the feature of covenant.

As I said earlier, our confession of faith affirms that “We believe marriage is the uniting of one man and one woman in covenant commitment for a lifetime.” Again, we need to make sure that we’re not just repeating traditional phrases without thinking them through… so, we need to ask at least a couple more questions. First, does the Bible teach that marriage is a covenant? And second, if it is covenantal, then what does that mean? How does that shape what marriage is?

I’m arguing that marriage is indeed a covenantal relationship. And right here in Genesis 2, we have the ingredients of a covenant. The Bible speaks of marriage in covenantal language throughout, but let’s start here and work our way forward.

Bible students have noticed that there are 4 key features of God’s covenants with man in the Bible. When God made a covenant with Adam, Noah, Abraham, and so on, we notice these four features in each case: (1) the parties are named, (2) conditions are stipulated… “you must” or “you must not,” (3) there are promises of blessing for obedience, and (4) there are warnings of curse for disobedience.

Now these are the characteristics of God’s covenants with man, so this is a formal way to recognize God’s covenants when we see them in the Bible, whether we read the specific word “covenant” in the text or not. So too, we have a model of what a covenant is, which we can hear echoed in other relationships as well.

In Genesis 2, we see the parties of the marriage covenant named or listed: there is “man” and there is “woman,” and these two are “brought” together by God (v22-23). We also see conditions identified in v24, which tell us the how of the commission God gave back in chapter 1. In Genesis 1:28, God commissioned man to “be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth,” and Genesis 2:24 tells us that it is the “one flesh” union of “a man” and “his wife” that shall produce more humans and more marriages or families.

And it seems to me that Genesis 2:25 is much more than a blessing on this marital union, but it is not less than that. It is in the very “nakedness” and exposure to one another (the sort that is reserved only for a husband and wife in marriage) that there is “no shame” before God. In other words, there is an implied blessing upon the union of a husband and wife which is necessary for procreation.

I believe there is sufficient evidence for us to understand that marriage is a covenant relationship in Genesis 2, but let me offer just a bit more.

In various passages of Scripture, the Bible simply refers to marriage as a covenant. For example (in Proverbs 2) the “adulteress” woman is one who “forsakes the companion of her youth and forgets the covenant of her God” (Prov. 2:16-17). Now, this certainly refers to God’s “covenant,” which includes the seventh commandment of the Big Ten (“You shall not commit adultery” [Ex. 20:14]). And I believe it’s also a reference to the fact that marriage itself is a covenantal promise made before God and to a spouse.

But if you think Proverbs 2 is unclear, then let me give you another. When God spoke a word of judgment against sinful Israel, one of the sins God was most angry about was their easy and common practice of divorce. In Malachi 2, God said, “though she is your companion and your wife by covenant…you have been faithless [to] the wife of your youth” (Mal. 2:14). This passage is crystal clear, and God warned them, “the man who does not love his wife but divorces her… covers his garment with violence, says the LORD of hosts” (Mal. 2:16).

This leads us toward the answer to that second question I asked a bit ago. If marriage is covenantal, then what does that mean? How does the concept of covenant shape what marriage is? Well, it means that marriage isn’t something to be picked up and put down again. It means that “love” is far more than a feeling, and marriage is a promise that you and I don’t get to disregard just because we feel like it. Marriage is a covenant, which means we are obligated to hold up our end of the deal… to “love,” to “honor,” and to “keep” our husband or wife, “for better [or] worse, for richer [or] poorer, in sickness and in health,” and “forsaking all others… so long as [we] both shall live.”[viii]

Friends, when I preach like this, I confess that my own heart wants to quickly run to the gospel of Christ for all of us who have not lived up to the standard of Scripture. Some of us here have been divorced, some of us have committed adultery, many of us come from broken homes where adultery, divorce, and/or cohabitation were just the way it is. My own mom and dad have been married three times each, and I can remember my dad cohabiting for months (maybe a couple of years) with another lady who he never married.

For sinners like my own parents, for sinners like me and you, there certainly is good news in the gospel of Jesus Christ. God’s love for us is displayed in the fact that Christ graciously died for sinners… while we were still sinners! If we feel a sense of guilt today for having broken God’s law (on marriage and sexuality, or on any other point), then we can find rest and peace and hope in Christ. If you have questions about what that means or what to do, then let’s talk after the service.

But my sermon today is not primarily aimed at non-Christians who are confused about marriage… or unbelievers who have failed to live according to God’s definition of marriage… Today, I’m preaching to Christians, who know what the Bible says about marriage, and I’m urging us all to remember… to remember what marriage is… to remember that marriage isn’t ours to redefine or to disregard simply because our culture has seemed to lose all ties to the Christian worldview which was once common to western civilization.

Even if everyone around us has fully embraced the sexual revolution, which seems to deny that there even is such a thing as “a man” or “a woman,” it is for us to live as Christians… not merely as Americans. Our King is Jesus, and His laws supersede the laws that govern our state and country.

Christians ought to be the best citizens, and we absolutely should obey those laws which are not contrary to Scripture. But if every celebrity, every corporation, every politician and lawmaker, and every one of our friends and neighbors decides that marriage is something other than what God has said it is, then we had better get it straight in our own minds… that others may serve the gods of this world, but as for me and my house, we will serve… obey… and trust in the Lord.

And brothers and sisters, I’m calling us today, not to be culture warriors (in the sense of “taking back the culture” …whatever that means). I’m not telling you that we need to yell at those who disagree with us… and I’m not saying that we should mobilize some sort of conservative resistance to the onslaught of progressive ideas of morality, sexuality, and marriage.

We should all vote our conscience, and I hope some Christians will work for political, legislative, and societal improvement. But the vast majority of Christians in the world will not participate in a socially or politically organized movement that will push a community toward Christian morals or values. In fact, efforts like this are incredibly rare in history, and they seldom work out very well.

What all Christians can do… what all Christians should do… is live faithfully as godly men and women, who honor marriage in our own homes… with our own families… interacting with our co-workers… and building relationships with our neighbors… And we should teach (both by our words and by our example) we should teach our children and our friends why we do it.

We should speak to those who disagree with love and dignity… and we should not expect sinners to live and talk like saints… but it is ok to disagree. It is ok for us as Christians to make a case for why the biblical ethic (the Christian way of living) is not only right before God, but better for us and better for society. Until Christ returns, Christians must live alongside non-Christians, and this gives us an opportunity to lovingly persuade and faithfully witness to the benefits of following Christ… benefits in this world and in the world to come.

3. Directive for Christians

With this third and final point of my sermon, I’m arguing that the definition and description I’ve laid out here (simply explaining from the Bible what we say we believe about marriage in our confession of faith)… I’m arguing that this affirmation of what we believe is directive for us. And, here again, I am talking primarily to Christians, and especially to the members of this church.

I’m arguing that we must live according to this view of marriage. We cannot redefine it… we cannot affirm any deviation from it… and we cannot speak or act in ways that undermine marriage as God has defined and described it… Instead, we need to honor marriage for what it is… the covenant commitment of one man and one woman for a lifetime.

Now, this certainly has implications for the way we talk to our neighbors and friends about same-sex marriage, cohabitation, and sexual immorality in general… but I’m going to aim the bulk of my application here at the way we personally and publicly treat marriage… our own marriages and those of others.

The book of Hebrews is probably a sermon manuscript, which draws deeply from the Old Testament to explain and apply the gospel of Christ. It tells us all about how Jesus is the fulfillment of what God has been doing from the very beginning, and it concludes (like any good sermon) by making some practical application. One specific application is found in chapter 13, verse 4.

There we read, “Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous” (Hebrews 13:4). Writing or speaking to Christians, the author of Hebrews calls them to “honor” marriage, and specifically to avoid “defiling” or making “impure” (NIV) the “marriage bed.”

From this, I want to offer some applications for how we might honor marriage in our own lives today.

First, if you are not married, then one of the most practical and counter-cultural ways you can honor the institution of marriage is by waiting to have sex. Simply put, sex is for married people. And any sexual activity outside of marriage is possibly “adultery” and certainly “sexual immorality.” The word translated here “sexual immorality” is sort of a catch-all word. It is any deviation from God’s design for sex in marriage. This verse makes it clear that God’s judgment or condemnation will come to those who do this.

Frankly speaking, our culture is incredibly sexualized. Men and women are presented to us on the regular as sex objects, and it is old-fashioned and prudish not to celebrate and participate. Furthermore, sexualized content is available to all of us with such ease that it would take me less than 30 seconds to access it on any smartphone in the room… and this is true of virtually any device with a screen that has access to the internet.

But, friends, thinking about sex in this way diminishes the honor and joy of sex within marriage. If you seek out sexual activity through impersonal videos or pictures online, then you will find it more and more difficult to enjoy the real thing… If others can get sex from you without committing to you for a lifetime, then they will just keep getting sex from you… And when you do finally realize and decide that you’d rather have a husband or a wife than a sex-partner or a digital screen, then your marriage will have to endure the consequences of the habits you’ve formed and the experiences you’ve had.

Friends, if you’re single and young, then honor marriage… If you’re mom and dad have a good marriage (not a perfect one, but a good one), then think about how great it will be when one day you can enjoy that sort of relationship… one that builds and grows stronger and more fulfilling over time. If you’re mom and dad don’t have a good marriage, then get to know some older Christians who do… and take the time to get to know them… learn how they cultivated the marriage they’ve got… And quit listening to relationship advice from anyone who hasn’t been married a while… what do they know about anything?

Second, if you are married, then one of the most powerful and influential ways you can honor marriage is by staying married and being faithful to your spouse. Even if everyone around you is dropping their old spouse for some fling… if all your co-workers are talking about how happy they are to be single again… and if your own marriage is not the “happily ever after” you hoped it would be… time will tell where all of that stuff ends… And those marriages that last are a standing reminder that there is something better than free sex and independence… Besides, these are not all they promise to be anyway.

Look up the studies for yourself. Married people live longer, they are happier, and they don’t have to worry about how they’re going to find a date when they aren’t as awesome as they used to be.

More than all these practical benefits, marriage is a gift from God… when we honor it as God intended us to do. And God uses marriage to sanctify us, to teach us, and even to provide a picture of Christ and His own Bride to anyone with eyes to see it.

Martin Luther said of marriage, “[God] wants it honored, maintained, and conducted by us… as a divine, blessed estate, because He instituted it first, before all others; and with it in view, He did not create man and woman alike, as is evident… that they should live together, be fruitful, beget children, and nourish and rear them to the glory of God. Therefore God has also most richly blessed this estate above all others and, in addition, has made everything in the world serve it and depend on it… Hence married life is not a jest or an object for inordinate curiosity but a splendid institution and a matter of divine seriousness.”[ix]

May God help us to honor marriage with the divine seriousness it deserves.

Endnotes

[i] See the full content at Britannica. https://www.britannica.com/event/Obergefell-v-Hodges [ii] See the full text of H.R.8404 here: https://www.congress.gov/bill/117th-congress/house-bill/8404/text [iii] Read the story and watch a portion of that speech here: https://www.indiatoday.in/world/story/putin-russia-west-same-sex-marriage-gender-neutral-god-2337657-2023-02-21 [iv] See the full Bowling Green State University study here: https://www.bgsu.edu/ncfmr/resources/data/family-profiles/marino-age-variation-cohabitation-2020-fp-22-28.html [v] See our full confession of faith, and especially the full article titled “The Family,” at https://fbcdiana.org/confession-of-faith. [vi] It is common today to avoid the historic use of the term “man” to represent all humanity. Often, readers and hearers think this is a condescending practice that undermines the value and dignity of women. However, the text of the Bible almost always uses the term “man” in this way. Certainly, the Bible speaks of men and women in the singular (i.e., this man or this woman), but most of the time the Bible refers to all humanity, it does so by the term “man.” I deny that the use of the term “man” to represent all humanity is necessarily condescending to women. [vii] “נֶגֶד (150 ×): loc. נֶ֫גְדָה (no dagheš), sf. נֶגְדּוֹ, נֶגְדָּֽךָ, נֶגְדָּם:—1. orig. noun, opposite, counterpart, only in kenegdô like his counterpart = corresponding to him Gn 2:18, 20;—2. > prep. w. gen. or sf.” William Lee Holladay and Ludwig Köhler, A Concise Hebrew and Aramaic Lexicon of the Old Testament (Leiden: Brill, 2000), 226. [viii] Diarmaid MacCulloch, ed., The Book of Common Prayer: 1662 Version, Everyman’s library (London: Cambridge University Press, 1999). 301. [ix] Thomas Oden. Classical Pastoral Care. Volume 4. Page 104.

BIBLIOGRAPHY

Aland, Kurt, Barbara Aland, Johannes Karavidopoulos, Carlo M. Martini, and Bruce M. Metzger, eds. Novum Testamentum Graece. 28th ed. Stuttgart: Deutsche Bibelgesellschaft, 2012.

New American Standard Bible: 1995 Update. Logos Research Edition. La Habra, CA: The Lockman Foundation, 1995.

Schaeffer, Francis A. How Should We Then Live? The Rise and Decline of Western Thought and Culture. Logos Research Edition. Wheaton, IL: Crossway Books, 2005.

Sproul, R. C., ed. The Reformation Study Bible: English Standard Version (2015 Edition). Logos Research Edition. Orlando, FL: Reformation Trust, 2015.

The Holy Bible: English Standard Version. Logos Research Edition. Wheaton, IL: Crossway Bibles, 2016.

The Holy Bible: King James Version. Electronic Edition of the 1900 Authorized Version. Bellingham, WA: Logos Research Systems, Inc., 2009.

The Holy Bible: New International Version. Logos Research Edition. Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 1984.

The NET Bible First Edition. Logos Research Edition. Biblical Studies Press, 2005.

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