Husband and Wife For Life, Part 2
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God’s Harbor - 3 Purposes of Marriage: Why Did God Create Marriage?
God’s Harbor - 3 Purposes of Marriage: Why Did God Create Marriage?
Mirror God’s Image
Imago Dei and Fill the Earth.
For God’s Glory.
Christ and the Church.
For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and shall be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church.
Mutually Complete One Another
Companionship.
Not good for man to be Alone.
Replacing Isolation with Intimacy
Created Male and Female.
Helper.
Multiply a Godly Legacy
Be Blessed.
Be Fruitful and Multiply.
God’s Equation - 4 Commitments: When One Plus One Equals One
God’s Equation - 4 Commitments: When One Plus One Equals One
Commitment 1: Receive Your Spouse (Genesis 2:21-22)
Commitment 1: Receive Your Spouse (Genesis 2:21-22)
What did Adam know about Eve? Nothing except that she had come from God.
What was Adam’s Response? (Genesis 2:23)
Wow! Where have you been all my life?
I am excited, I am beside myself.
Woah - man!
Like Adam we need to receive our spouse as God’s provision for us
Not as a perfect person, but rather as a perfect provision
Everything we need, not necessarily everything we want.
You are a gift from God.
Faith in God’s integrity.
Sometimes God knows every rough piece of wood needs some good gritty sandpaper.
Focus on God’s character and not our wife’s performance.
Adam knew God was good and that God was providing what was good for him.
That means accepting their strengths and weaknesses.
Some people go into a marriage thinking, “Oh, once we’re married, I’ll change that about him/her.”
We cannot change the other person.
By the power of the Holy Spirit and submission to His working in us, we can change, but we have no power over the other person, but we try.
manipulation / passive aggressiveness.
casting blame on something / never accepting fault.
This requires an attitude of continual acceptance throughout your marriage. Why?
Married life is a marathon.… It is not enough to make a great start toward long-term marriage. You will need the determination to keep plugging.… Only then will you make it to the end.
James C. Dobson
We are selfish people. Self-centeredness. Best man - Jim Phillip’s call to me.
We have to keep remembering that the other person’s weaknesses and differences and part of the package deal that God gave to us.
Differences are God’s tools to teach us to trust Him and His goodness.
Marriage, and the process of coming to it, is not heaven! It is the bonding together of two needy sinners in order to make a partnership which is substantially greater than either of them alone.
Sinclair Buchanan Ferguson
Prayer 1: God please help me to accept and receive ___________ as your perfect gift to me.
Prayer 1: God please help me to accept and receive ___________ as your perfect gift to me.
Prayer 2: God thank-you for providing your perfect gift to me through __________.
Prayer 2: God thank-you for providing your perfect gift to me through __________.
Commitment 2: Leave Your Parents (Genesis 2:24)
Commitment 2: Leave Your Parents (Genesis 2:24)
As children we are dependent upon our parents for the material and nonmaterial things in life.
food, shelter, clothing.
Emotional stability, godly values, and spiritual growth.
Severing 2 cords - Establishing independence from your parents.
The cord of dependency.
Choosing not to rely upon your parents for material or emotional support.
A wedding day is like the 4th of July - a declaration of independence.
The cord of allegiance.
Our priorities shift and change.
You will always honor your parents and be committed to them.
We honor them by reflecting on all they have done for us and thanking them for it.
But your first and foremost loyalty is to your spouse.
Prayer 1: God, help me make __________ my first priority after You.
Prayer 1: God, help me make __________ my first priority after You.
Prayer 2: God, help me keep _________ my first priority after You.
Prayer 2: God, help me keep _________ my first priority after You.
Commitment 3: Cleave to Your Spouse (Genesis 2:24)
Commitment 3: Cleave to Your Spouse (Genesis 2:24)
2 meanings: Merriam Webster
Definition 1: To adhere firmly and closely or loyally and unwaveringly. The NT translates this as to stick like glue.
Definition 2: To divide with a cutting blow.
Word nerds. Comes from two separate Old English Words that in modern english are spelled the same.
To adhere: clifian
To split: cleofan
Irony: So if you don’t cleave in the first sense, you will end up cleaving in the second sense.
Vow - Covenant
A promise not just between two individuals, but between two individuals and God.
3 Main promises
to stay married throughout your lives.
For Better, For Worse
till death do us part - has become till debt do us part, or till Debbie do us part.
to love and care for each other.
in sickness and in health
If we’re rich or we’re poor
to maintain sexual fidelity.
forsaking all others
a faithful wife / husband
Commitment: To love is to will another person’s good.
It is not based on feelings or emotions.
Willing another person’s good through an unbreakable pledge of fidelity and devotion
Commitment to each other just like God is committed to us.
It’s another way we Mirror God’s Image to the world.
It’s you and me against the world.
I’m at your side.
I’ve got your back.
The “D” word is not in our vocabulary.
A woman, married thirty years, was asked, “In your many years of marriage did you ever consider divorce?” She said, “No, I never considered divorce … murder, maybe.”
—Ray Stedman, sermon “How to Repent,” January 13, 1980
Back to the first commitment: The good, the bad, and the ugly.
this is a reason why I require pre-marital counseling.
Many of these issues get ferreted out and discussed.
Good cook, bad cook. Burn the toast?
Matthew 19:3–8 (NASB95)
Some Pharisees came to Jesus, testing Him and asking, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any reason at all?” And He answered and said, “Have you not read that He who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” They said to Him, “Why then did Moses command to give her a certificate of divorce and send her away?” He said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart Moses permitted you to divorce your wives; but from the beginning it has not been this way.
Why then did Moses permit divorce?
hardness of heart.
from the beginning it has not been this way...
Prayer 1: Heavenly Father, my commitment level to _________ has dwindled. Please forgive me and help me recommit myself to Your will and to ____________.
Prayer 1: Heavenly Father, my commitment level to _________ has dwindled. Please forgive me and help me recommit myself to Your will and to ____________.
Prayer 2: Heavenly Father, please strengthen and increase my commit level to ___________.
Prayer 2: Heavenly Father, please strengthen and increase my commit level to ___________.
Commitment 4: Become One Flesh (Genesis 2:24-25)
Commitment 4: Become One Flesh (Genesis 2:24-25)
One Flesh - This is where one plus one equals one. 4 Levels of Intimacy.
Physical Intimacy. Body
sexual intercourse consummates a marriage, binds a couple together, and symbolizes the oneness they experience in their relationship.
Although integral in becoming one flesh, it is not the whole of becoming one flesh.
Relational intimacy. Mind (Intellect) and will
Love-making cannot be just physical, it involves the total person - intellect, emotions, body, spirit, and will.
of the same mind - purpose, direction, and goals.
It is the total giving of ourselves to the other person
Emotional Intimacy. Soul and Emotions
“Soul mates”
It is a level of vulnerability that one does and should not have with any other human being.
Naked and Unashamed. (vs. 25)
Spiritual intimacy. Spirit
I have counseled many couples where the wife comes to church and the husband did not. Every one longed for their husband to be there. Some actually would not come because their husband did not.
The Cord of Three Strands. Also a subtle nod to severing of cords with parents.
Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor. For if either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion. But woe to the one who falls when there is not another to lift him up. Furthermore, if two lie down together they keep warm, but how can one be warm alone? And if one can overpower him who is alone, two can resist him. A cord of three strands is not quickly torn apart.
In the sight of God and in the presence of these witnesses...
But God must be in the middle of it.
2 Questions:
Is God the center of your life?
Is God the center of your marriage?
The Order of Becoming One Flesh:
In the order that God established, it is clear that it should follow the commitment, not precede it.
Receive
Leave
Cleave
Conceive
Marriage provides the Divine context for having children.
We model commitment to our kids through our commitment to each other.
We model reconciliation to our kids by forgiving each other.
We model unity to our kids by being an interdependent team with each other.
We model peace to our kids by pursuing peace in the home.
Cohabitation has been on the rise to the point where it is now accepted and the norm.
The US Census Bureau reported that by 2005, nearly 10 million people were living with someone of the opposite sex, up from about 878,000 in 1960. Up to 17 million in 2017. 7% of the total adult population.
Most see cohabitation as a trial run to see if marriage will work. One woman wrote, “I couldn’t imagine getting hitched to anyone I hadn’t taken on a test-spin as a roommate. Conjoin with someone before sharing a bathroom? Not likely! - Nancy Wartik, “The Perils of Playing House,” Psychology Today, July 1, 2005.
In the end it is simply like a month-to-month rental agreement, and not a purchase. Used car analogy?
3 Purposes for Sexual Intimacy
Procreation: Psalm 127:3-5 Children are a gift. The fruit of the womb is a blessing.
Pleasure: Proverbs 5:18-19
Protection: I Cor. 7.2-5
But because of immoralities, each man is to have his own wife, and each woman is to have her own husband. The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
Do not abuse, misuse, or downplay this text.
Becoming one flesh is not just a one-time act, but rather a process that helps us grow as individuals and grow closer to each other.
Physical intimacy in the end becomes the outward expression of being intimate in the other 3 areas: Emotional, Relational, and Spiritual.
And if our marriage is to be a reflection of Christ and the Church and of our relationship to God, this makes sense in light of:
and you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind, and with all your strength.’
Prayer 1: Dear God, we have not been in a one flesh relationship. Please help us become one flesh in body, mind, soul, and spirit.
Prayer 1: Dear God, we have not been in a one flesh relationship. Please help us become one flesh in body, mind, soul, and spirit.
Prayer 2: Dear God, thank-you that we are one flesh. Please help us to continue to be one flesh in body, mind, soul, and spirit.
Prayer 2: Dear God, thank-you that we are one flesh. Please help us to continue to be one flesh in body, mind, soul, and spirit.
Summary: God’s Blueprint: When One Plus One Equals One
Summary: God’s Blueprint: When One Plus One Equals One
The Spirit Says, “I Desire God’s Plan, first.”
Interdependence Says, “I’m on Your Team.”
Commitment Says, “I Trust You.”
Companionship Says, “I Like You.”
Passion Says, “I Want You.”
Intimacy Says, “I am One with You.”
Next Week: Testimonies from the Stint weekend.
Palm Sunday
Easter Sunday
A God Honoring Marriage In A Broken World. Ephesians 5.
Closing Song: Ever Be