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Making Intimacy What It Was Meant To Be

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MAKING INTIMACY WHAT IT WAS MEANT TO BE

Ralph Sorter

Introduction

            Don’t feel alone if you struggle with intimacy not being what you would like it to be in your marriage.  A survey by Masters and Johnson shows that 50% of marriages struggle with intimacy.  Many couples hurt in silence in this area for years in a marriage simply because they don’t openly talk to each other about it. 

Cold Blankets of Sexual Intimacy

            First of all we need to be aware of the things that can block our own sex drive.  One of the biggest cold blankets to a fulfilling sex life is a poor self-image.  A healthy self-image is like riding a tandem bicycle: it takes two.  Our self-image is partially powered by the messages we tell ourselves.  But it is also powered by the messages we hear from others.  If you recognize this in your spouse, endeavor to be a healing balm to them.  Criticism in the area of sexual performance is devastating for both males and females. 

            Other blockers for meaningful intimacy are worry, fear, and guilt.  The giving of our body is meant to be a gift of tenderness, trust, love and trust.  We can’t devote our mind tender fulfillment of our spouse if our mind is weighed down with worry, fear and guilt.

Negative attitudes have a big impact to our intimacy.  All kinds of negative attitudes crop up when we are experience conflict with anger being expressed to our spouse.  When we short-circuit what intimacy was meant to be, it feels like we have been used by our spouse only to fulfill a need without tenderness.

Also, we need to be sure that we don’t use what God intended to be beautiful between two intimate people as a means of punishment, control or manipulation.

What the Bible says About Sex Within Marriage

1.      Sex was created by God and is good.  He instructed Adam & Eve to be fruitful and multiply.

2.      The Bible says to enjoy the pleasure of sex within marriage.  Prov. 5:18-19; Song of Sol. 7:1-13

3.      The only time we are to deprive one another of sex is for a special time of prayer.  1 Cor. 7:5

4.      Sex is for marriage.  Jesus spoke with favor about the permanence of marriage and the “one flesh” nature of it. 

5.      Paul said marriage is the desirable answer for a person who struggles with sexual self-control.

6.      No where does the Bible approve of intercourse outside of marriage.

7.      Sexual promiscuity is condemned strongly, as is adultery.

How to Improve Your Intimacy Together

            Communication is the key to a healthy sex life in marriage.  When a couple cannot communicate in general, it’s not likely they will be able to communicate about sex.  Honest, gentle communication (both verbal and nonverbal) about your feelings, physical sensations and attitudes will go a long ways to create a satisfying experience for both of you.  Feelings of love, worth and affection can enhance the response in your spouse.

            A fulfilling intimate relationship takes work.  Each partner needs to work at expressing tenderness in a thought-out approach.  Without tenderness, rushing into it can do just the opposite…throw cold water on the relationship.

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