A Deeper Look

Jordan Battani

Grenades, Bombs & Wiretaps • Sermon • Submitted a year ago • Presented a year ago

Family Relationships

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Grenades, Bombs & Wiretaps

Week 3: A Deeper Look

I N T R O

_______

Few things in life I hate — Laundry — Painting — “We need to talk, talk”

Ex. Painting

Using wrong tools — took too long — unnecessary pain — wasted time

With the right tools — saved time, money, pain

Same true with our relationships

Desire to fix what is broken — reach for the wrong tools

All felt the tension of broken / strained relationships

Be it marriage — work — friendship — family

Honest — never learned to navigate — relational tension / conflict

Most of us wasn’t modeled — taught — left to our own to figure it out.

When relationships go south — the tools we reach for first are often don’t lead us to where we ultimately want to be.

T R U T H

________

Five Decisions to Restore Broken Relationships

Learning together over past few weeks — reconciliation isn’t just a goal — required

I believe God shows us a way — In fact he calls us to it

May seem reaching or impossible — It is possible. With his help

(2 Corinthians 5:18–20) All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: 19 that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting people’s sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation. 20 We are therefore Christ’s ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us.

Reconciliation.

Restoration of friendly relationships and of peace where before there had been hostility and alienation.

(Romans 12:18) If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.

#1 Lead with the big picture.

#2 Reopen lines of communication

#3 Allow God to transform our pain so that we no longer transfer it.

Time heals all wounds — malarky — sticks and stones

Wounds that are neglected — get infected

Nurse — stuck in pain of past — victim spirit

Curse — angry

Rehearse — bleed all over people who didn’t cut you

spouse — kids — boss — pastor

Nothing to do with them — a wound never healed

The unhealed wounds of our past always find a way to bleed

into our present

Four steps to transforming our pain.

1. Take a deeper look

Often the source of the conflict is closer than we think

We can treat the symptoms but until we get to the root — continue to resurface

✓ Go back to family origin

Important to take a step back and take a deeper look what cycles, patterns have been running in my family?

All of us have an origin story — don’t like where we are — go back and look why

Apple doesn’t fall far from the tree

If it runs in the family, it might be chasing you

Ex. Genogram

Look for patterns — sin and blessing

Only model you had was brokenness — divorce, addiction, toxic relationships

I don’t know how to communicate — yell — scream — throw things

I don’t know what health looks likes — raised in dysfunction

✓ Identify the lie.

1. Bought into the lie — generational curse

Believed a lie — generational curse — father was alcoholic — his father — you’ll be

Mother was abuse — her mother — find yourself in abusive relationships

Believe the curse

Declare today — You are not cursed — family is not cursed — children are not cursed — business is not cursed.

When Jesus was nailed to the cross — curse of sin was broken

(Colossians 2:13-15) You were dead because of your sins and because your sinful nature was not yet cut away. Then God made you alive with Christ, for he forgave all our sins. 14 He canceled the record of the charges against us and took it away by nailing it to the cross. 15 In this way, he disarmed the spiritual rulers and authorities. He shamed them publicly by his victory over them on the cross.

Curse has been reversed — through Jesus

While the curse has been broken — the patterns can be repeated.

Many — cycle of dysfunction is the pattern that’s been repeated generation to generation.

Repeating patterns of broken people

Only model we had — broken, toxic, addictive,

Cannot change what we tolerate

What we do not confront — we will repeat.

Curse has been broken — you have to break the pattern

Awareness doesn’t give us an excuse — gives us a responsibility!

Part of looking deeper — taking responsibility

Might not have started this battle — but it stops with me.

I will no longer transfer the pain — take the steps to transfer healing

The broken patterns of my father don’t have to be my story!

2. Lie of a word spoken

Word spoken over you by a father — teacher — influential

Someone spoke something to you — grafted itself deep inside

You’ll never amount to anything — Not worthy of love

One word — spoken years ago by someone— mayn’t even be living — words living with you.

Someone point — you become the abuser — Still hear the words — saying it to yourself

Carry into every relationships —

Leave a legacy of foundation or we can leave broken pieces

Tried to build your life on the broken pieces left behind from family members

Choice is yours — Continue the cycle — lay a foundation for healing

2. Talk it out

I don't need to talk to anyone — loose lips sink ships

(James 5:16) Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.

(James 5:16 MSG)

Make this your common practice: Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you can live together whole and healed. The prayer of a person living right with God is something powerful to be reckoned with.

✓ Confession brings healing

Tell someone — Personally or professionally

Healing process can’t truly begin until we put words to wounds.

Never shared what you’re carrying

Never found healing — haven’t put words to it

why it comes out in anger — outburst — addiction — brokenness — disfunction

As long as I don’t tell — no-one will know I’m hurting

Sad truth — hurting the ones closest to you

Don’t need to share with just anyone.

Someone you trust — loves you — professional

Small Groups are so important

Get connected to a group of people who get to know you — you get to know them

Prayer — at some point — mask drops — healing begins

(Galatians 6:2) Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.

Law of Christ

love the lord your God with all heart, soul and mind — love your neighbor as yourself.

3. Make the Daily Choice

Transformation is not a one-time decision but the result of small decisions made everyday.

✓ Daily release my past and take a step toward freedom.

(Philippians 3:13) But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and reaching forward to what is ahead …

Recognize — chose forgiveness — step toward healing

Each day — one step closer to freedom

What are you trying to show me about me?

How are you trying to set me free?

✓ Daily pursue God’s plan for my life.

Daily decision / prayer

God I want everything you want for me — nothing you don’t

(Psalm 51:10) Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.

We think our plan is best for our life — how’s that working for you?

God’s plans or you — best version of you.

(Romans 12:2 NLT) Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.

God has a plan for your life — best for you — only waiting for you to pursue it.

God’s plan — provision — grace — purpose.

✓ Daily live a life that impacts others

Conscious effort to leave a legacy — positively impacting others

Not what we’ve been saved from — what we’ve been saved for!

(Ephesians 2:10) For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

Daily choice to bring healing to others — results in a lifetime of impact.

4. Depend on the power of the Holy Spirit.

I’m going to tell you the truth that every self-help book won’t …

You cannot find healing in your own strength

Many of us — why it hasn’t worked.

Tried to give up — addiction

Tried to get past the abuse

Tried to move forward

Boomerang effect

Harder you try to get away — harder it comes back.

You need the help of the Holy Spirit

(John 14:16-17 NLT) And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Advocate, who will never leave you. 17 He is the Holy Spirit, who leads into all truth.

Advocate — helper — to come alongside

(Romans 8:11 NLT) The Spirit of God, who raised Jesus from the dead, lives in you. And just as God raised Christ Jesus from the dead, he will give life to your mortal bodies by this same Spirit living within you.

If you know God — you have the power of the Holy Spirit within you

Not saying it is easy — Not simple — Not overnight

You have a supernatural, divine enablement, to overcome broken patterns, heal deep wounds

With the help of the Holy Spirit

I can transform my pain — no longer have to transfer it.

It might have run in the family — until it met me.

Instead of transferring pain — transferring healing — freedom

Allow God to transform so it no longer transfer.

Make the declaration today —

I’m transferring healing — I’m leaving a foundation —

instead of broken pieces — I’m breaking cycles

L A N D I N G

_________

Take a deeper look

do your homework — look for patterns

Talk it out

Get in a Small Group — seek help — confession brings healing

Make the daily choice

Not overnight — daily choice — leads to transformation

Depend on the power of the Holy Spirit

#3 Allow God to transform our pain so that we no longer transfer it.

Salvation prayer

Begins with a step

Tired of living a life less than what God has for me

Transferring my pain

Surrender it today to God

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