I Can't Hear You
Grenades, Bombs & Wiretaps • Sermon • Submitted • Presented
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Grenades, Bombs & Wiretaps
Week 2: I Can’t Hear You
I N T R O
_______
All felt the tension of broken / strained relationships
Be it marriage — work — friendship — family
Comes to repairing broken relationships
— All want to — feeling — should to want to.
We don’t know how to — not intuitive — learned skill
Honest — never learned to navigate — relational tension / conflict
Most of us wasn’t modeled — taught — left to our own to figure it out.
Modeled your relationships — what not to do
Marriage — parent/child —
When relationships go south — the tools we reach for first are often don’t lead us to where we ultimately want to be.
weaponize words — feelings — others to prove — the problem is the other person.
In our hurt, frustration and pain —
Throw grenades, drop bombs, have side conversations with everyone but the offender Blow up family holidays — hurl text message grenades
— To be heard and feel justified
T R U T H
________
I believe God shows us a way — In fact he calls us to it
May seem reaching or impossible — It is possible. With his help
(2 Corinthians 5:18–20) All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: 19 that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting people’s sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation. 20 We are therefore Christ’s ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us.
Reconciliation.
Restoration of friendly relationships and of peace where before there had been hostility and alienation.
Five Decisions to Restore Broken Relationships
(Romans 12:18) If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.
#1 Lead with the big picture.
Relational ceasefire
Stop behavior that contrary to the goal regardless of the other persons actions
Don’t repay evil for evil — pray — bless — do good.
#2 Reopen lines of communication
#2 Reopen lines of communication
Comes to relationships — communication is foundational
Article — #1 thing that destroys relationships
Studied over 50 years — 40,0000
poor communication
Ex. Biggest fight — Jetta Story
Went for an oil change — came home with new car — 5 speed manual
How could you — not even consider talking to me
Marriage almost ended before it began
90% of conflict is the result of a misunderstanding
Disconnect between what is said and what is heard — what is expected and felt
No matter where we are — all feel we can get better
Communication — whether or not was the cause
It’s the only way out.
Once tension comes in relationship — first thing to go
Victim of the Silent Treatment
In order for reconciliation to happen at some point — have to come to the table.
Global conflicts — as long as communication channels are open — hope of resolution.
Communication is a two way street
(James 1:19) My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak …
1. We must stop to listen intently.
1. We must stop to listen intently.
Intently: with earnest and eager attention
(James 1:19) Everyone should be quick to listen …
Quick to respond — slow to listen
Get our response in — I think of the best responses leaving an argument
God gave us two ears — one mouth
irony talk twice as much as we listen.
✓ Listen to what the other person is saying.
Stop to listen
Listen for the hurt — perspective
“Most people do not listen with the intent to understand;
they listen with the intent to reply.”
― Stephen R. Covey
The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People
I can’t hear you because I’m distracted building my defense
(Proverbs 18:2) A fool finds no pleasure in understanding but delights in airing his own opinions.
✓ Listen to our own narratives.
There is a story we tell ourselves when it comes to justifying our actions
Why don’t you call them — why you feel that way towards them
Have you listened to the narrative lately — rehearse over and over in our minds
What happens when we hold it up to this
For God so loved the world — gave his son for you — you beside you
Does it start to conflict with to the teachings of Jesus we say we believe?
Just as he reconciled us to him — now his ambassadors — agents of reconciliation
Pay attention to narratives
Pause. Think. Listen.
Pause: Give caution to responding in the heat of the moment Give thought: what narratives have I been listening to? Listen: stop talking long enough
Hear what the other person is saying Hear how the Holy Spirit is leading you to respond.
We must listen intently.
2. We must guard our words intentionally.
2. We must guard our words intentionally.
Intentionally: deliberately; on purpose
(James 1:19) Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak.
Does this need to be said? — does it need to be said right now?
My words always reveal my heart.
(Matthew 12:34-35) For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks. The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in him, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in him.
Words come out at emotional moments. Check your heart
Told them how I feel. Finally let it out
Felt good for a moment followed by immediate regret
still rebuilding relationship today
Guard our words — relationships take years to build — only moments to destroy
Dealing with family. Now have a fractured relationship with no where to go
It’s not a words problem — heart problem.
✓ Allow God to transform my heart.
Anger bitterness — flowing from our hearts — allow God to begin to work in us
Until we change our heart— never change our words
(Psalm 19:14 NLT) May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing to you, O LORD, my rock and my redeemer.
When our heart is right — affect what comes out of our mouth.
✓ Decide to speak words of life.
No matter how they respond — speak words of life
Words of affection.
Don’t be afraid to tell people you love them.
Tell my boys everyday — never want them to have to wonder.
Never underestimate how much the people closest to you need to hear the words.
Only have the words of God Father to Son recorded twice
Talked everyday — baptism — transfiguration
(Matthew 3:16-17) At that moment heaven was opened, and he saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove and alighting on him. And a voice from heaven said, “This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased.”
Parents haven’t spoken to children months / years
Words of affections — You’re mine, I love you, I’m proud of you
They don’t need to hear you’re disappointed — they can feel it.
They need to know you love them.
Words of praise.
Great job — acknowledgement
I see how hard you’re working
(Proverbs 25:11) A word aptly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver.
Words of encouragement.
(Ephesians 4:29) Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.
Words can build others up — tear them down
World is full of discouragement — negativity — don’t add to the noise
Words of healing.
Right words at the right time — bring healing
(Proverbs 15:4) The tongue that brings healing is a tree of life...
Words of faith.
Faith is the substance of things hoped for — evidence of theirs not seen
Talking too much about what we see instead of telling them what they can become
Don't need to be reminded who they are
tell them what you see — tell them what they could be
Tell you who are you — sinners
You are the redeemed of Christ — you can be transformed and make a difference
Find a life of purpose — healing
(Romans 4:17) (Abraham) is our father in the sight of God, in whom he believed—the God who gives life to the dead and calls things that are not as though they were.
Speak over that relationship — person
We must listen intently
Guard our words intentionally.
3. We must keep lines of communication open.
3. We must keep lines of communication open.
Even if they don’t respond — Don’t stop reaching out.
When they are ready they will —
Takes crisis if even to reopen lines of communication
Why did it take so long
Every excuse
I just don’t care — truth care more deeply than we care to share. I’ve already tried — never respond It wasn’t my fault — they shut me out
Never shut the door —
Jesus never shut the door on us.
(Romans 10:13 NLT) For “Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.”
Faithful to forgive — every time.
Keep the line open
L A N D I N G
_________
Our words matter so much more than we think
Guard how we use them.
I’m going to show honor. Even when you’re not being honorable
I’m going to extend grace. Even when you’re not graceful
I’m going to forgive. Even if it cost me something
Because the one who forgave me. Gave it all.
This is what we have been saved for.
To bring heaven to earth
Overcome the kingdom of this world not by repaying evil with evil but by overcoming evil with goodness
Life & death in our tongue - - use it to bring life to those around us!
Today greatest word you can say is yes.
Words have the power of life and death
Life without Christ is death (dead in our sins and trespasses)
But the free gift of God through Jesus Christ is eternal life
Jesus (May have life and life to the full)
Believe in your heart - confess with your mouth