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Advice #30

Notes & Transcripts

ADVICE DAD NEVER GAVE YOU

Ralph Sorter

   One of the biggest things for me to learn as a parent was adjusting to the behavior patterns/discipline for the boys as they grew up.  Kevin was mild mannered and compliant.  Jaremy had special circumstances due to his premature birth and being behind other kids his age.  Rob was a tank, very independent and often rebellious.  Looking back, realizing the differences is much easier than recognizing it as it develops and adjusting accordingly as a parent.     Each child is different, but here are some generalities.

   Preschoolers may do what’s right to avoid getting into trouble.  Ride that horse as long as you can.  They have a sensitivity to closeness or distance to Mom and Dad and therefore will generally do whatever pleases you.  “Trouble,” though, is defined differently with each child.  For one child, having to sit in the corner alone for a while may work, but another child may only understand the pain of a swat on the pants.

   School-aged kids may do what’s right if they will get something good in return.  Positive rewards can vary from praise for their good behavior and actions, to a reward of their favorite food or a special privilege.  They have a keen sense of fairness in their own eyes.  Mind you they are not mature yet when it comes to fairness, but getting something good in return motivates them.

   Junior highers may choose what’s right based on what their friends are doing or if there are set rules for behavior.  Wanting to fit in is huge at this age.  Finding their place is really important.  If they don’t find the right group that accepts them, they will find a potential unhealthy group that feels the rejection the way they do.  Emotions are all over the court at this age – wanting to be independent, yet wanting the safety of closeness with Mom & Dad.  Be specific on what behavior is acceptable and what is not.

   For all ages, communicate what are the consequences of their actions, and help them acknowledge responsibility.

A Message from HOPE’S

Marriage & Family Ministry

ADVICE DAD NEVER GAVE YOU

Ralph Sorter

   One of the biggest things for me to learn as a parent was adjusting to the behavior patterns/discipline for the boys as they grew up.  Kevin was mild mannered and compliant.  Jaremy had special circumstances due to his premature birth and being behind other kids his age.  Rob was a tank, very independent and often rebellious.  Looking back, realizing the differences is much easier than recognizing it as it develops and adjusting accordingly as a parent.     Each child is different, but here are some generalities.

   Preschoolers may do what’s right to avoid getting into trouble.  Ride that horse as long as you can.  They have a sensitivity to closeness or distance to Mom and Dad and therefore will generally do whatever pleases you.  “Trouble,” though, is defined differently with each child.  For one child, having to sit in the corner alone for a while may work, but another child may only understand the pain of a swat on the pants.

   School-aged kids may do what’s right if they will get something good in return.  Positive rewards can vary from praise for their good behavior and actions, to a reward of their favorite food or a special privilege.  They have a keen sense of fairness in their own eyes.  Mind you they are not mature yet when it comes to fairness, but getting something good in return motivates them.

   Junior highers may choose what’s right based on what their friends are doing or if there are set rules for behavior.  Wanting to fit in is huge at this age.  Finding their place is really important.  If they don’t find the right group that accepts them, they will find a potential unhealthy group that feels the rejection the way they do.  Emotions are all over the court at this age – wanting to be independent, yet wanting the safety of closeness with Mom & Dad.  Be specific on what behavior is acceptable and what is not.

   For all ages, communicate what are the consequences of their actions, and help them acknowledge responsibility.

A Message from HOPE’S

Marriage & Family Ministry

ADVICE DAD NEVER GAVE YOU

Ralph Sorter

   One of the biggest things for me to learn as a parent was adjusting to the behavior patterns/discipline for the boys as they grew up.  Kevin was mild mannered and compliant.  Jaremy had special circumstances due to his premature birth and being behind other kids his age.  Rob was a tank, very independent and often rebellious.  Looking back, realizing the differences is much easier than recognizing it as it develops and adjusting accordingly as a parent.     Each child is different, but here are some generalities.

   Preschoolers may do what’s right to avoid getting into trouble.  Ride that horse as long as you can.  They have a sensitivity to closeness or distance to Mom and Dad and therefore will generally do whatever pleases you.  “Trouble,” though, is defined differently with each child.  For one child, having to sit in the corner alone for a while may work, but another child may only understand the pain of a swat on the pants.

   School-aged kids may do what’s right if they will get something good in return.  Positive rewards can vary from praise for their good behavior and actions, to a reward of their favorite food or a special privilege.  They have a keen sense of fairness in their own eyes.  Mind you they are not mature yet when it comes to fairness, but getting something good in return motivates them.

   Junior highers may choose what’s right based on what their friends are doing or if there are set rules for behavior.  Wanting to fit in is huge at this age.  Finding their place is really important.  If they don’t find the right group that accepts them, they will find a potential unhealthy group that feels the rejection the way they do.  Emotions are all over the court at this age – wanting to be independent, yet wanting the safety of closeness with Mom & Dad.  Be specific on what behavior is acceptable and what is not.

   For all ages, communicate what are the consequences of their actions, and help them acknowledge responsibility.

A Message from HOPE’S

Marriage & Family Ministry

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