Advice #70
ADVICE DAD NEVER GAVE YOU
Ralph Sorter
How’s your marriage? How would your spouse say your marriage is doing? Yep, that’s the killer question. We may be thinking the marriage is just fine, but our spouse may not agree.
All marriages have ups and downs…all of them have arguments here and there. The difference between a functional and a dysfunctional marriage is how they make up after an argument.
The dysfunctional marriage has the blow-up, and then they walk away without resolve or repair. When we sweep the problem under the rug, the lump is there to trip us the next time we cross that path again. Not only is the problem still there, but also the resentment has been building inside the one who “keeps score.” Some people can pass it off and go on without resolve, but that doesn’t mean your spouse can…and it doesn’t mean you are handling it “OK.” Just because you can walk away without hurt or resentment doesn’t mean you have the better heart…in fact, your heart may be in need of a by-pass operation. What may be needed is an operation by the Holy Spirit to repair the blockage that restricted the compassion flow and has left you cold.
The functional marriage has arguments, but afterward they embrace and forgive. They are sensitive about how their spouse is taking it after the dust settles. They are careful about the nature and tone of their words during the argument…that the emotions knob doesn’t get turned up too loud. They are able to disagree, talk about the alternatives, and either decide on one or postpone acting on the matter until both can agree. Functional marriages realize compromise has to flow both directions. These marriages take effort, but the payoff is fantastic. They enjoy seeing each other at the end of the day and they celebrate 30, 40, and 50-year anniversaries.
If your marriage is dysfunctional, you may need heart surgery…or you may not see another anniversary.
A Message from HOPE’S
Marriage & Family Ministry
ADVICE DAD NEVER GAVE YOU
Ralph Sorter
How’s your marriage? How would your spouse say your marriage is doing? Yep, that’s the killer question. We may be thinking the marriage is just fine, but our spouse may not agree.
All marriages have ups and downs…all of them have arguments here and there. The difference between a functional and a dysfunctional marriage is how they make up after an argument.
The dysfunctional marriage has the blow-up, and then they walk away without resolve or repair. When we sweep the problem under the rug, the lump is there to trip us the next time we cross that path again. Not only is the problem still there, but also the resentment has been building inside the one who “keeps score.” Some people can pass it off and go on without resolve, but that doesn’t mean your spouse can…and it doesn’t mean you are handling it “OK.” Just because you can walk away without hurt or resentment doesn’t mean you have the better heart…in fact, your heart may be in need of a by-pass operation. What may be needed is an operation by the Holy Spirit to repair the blockage that restricted the compassion flow and has left you cold.
The functional marriage has arguments, but afterward they embrace and forgive. They are sensitive about how their spouse is taking it after the dust settles. They are careful about the nature and tone of their words during the argument…that the emotions knob doesn’t get turned up too loud. They are able to disagree, talk about the alternatives, and either decide on one or postpone acting on the matter until both can agree. Functional marriages realize compromise has to flow both directions. These marriages take effort, but the payoff is fantastic. They enjoy seeing each other at the end of the day and they celebrate 30, 40, and 50-year anniversaries.
If your marriage is dysfunctional, you may need heart surgery…or you may not see another anniversary.
A Message from HOPE’S
Marriage & Family Ministry
ADVICE DAD NEVER GAVE YOU
Ralph Sorter
How’s your marriage? How would your spouse say your marriage is doing? Yep, that’s the killer question. We may be thinking the marriage is just fine, but our spouse may not agree.
All marriages have ups and downs…all of them have arguments here and there. The difference between a functional and a dysfunctional marriage is how they make up after an argument.
The dysfunctional marriage has the blow-up, and then they walk away without resolve or repair. When we sweep the problem under the rug, the lump is there to trip us the next time we cross that path again. Not only is the problem still there, but also the resentment has been building inside the one who “keeps score.” Some people can pass it off and go on without resolve, but that doesn’t mean your spouse can…and it doesn’t mean you are handling it “OK.” Just because you can walk away without hurt or resentment doesn’t mean you have the better heart…in fact, your heart may be in need of a by-pass operation. What may be needed is an operation by the Holy Spirit to repair the blockage that restricted the compassion flow and has left you cold.
The functional marriage has arguments, but afterward they embrace and forgive. They are sensitive about how their spouse is taking it after the dust settles. They are careful about the nature and tone of their words during the argument…that the emotions knob doesn’t get turned up too loud. They are able to disagree, talk about the alternatives, and either decide on one or postpone acting on the matter until both can agree. Functional marriages realize compromise has to flow both directions. These marriages take effort, but the payoff is fantastic. They enjoy seeing each other at the end of the day and they celebrate 30, 40, and 50-year anniversaries.
If your marriage is dysfunctional, you may need heart surgery…or you may not see another anniversary.