Sermon Tone Analysis

*1. Marriage - not always easy*

Over the past 10 years since we’ve been here at St Mark’s the greatest pastoral stresses for me have not been births or marriages; they haven’t been illnesses or even deaths, as terrible as those things have been; but they have been marital problems.

Over the years a number of couples here at St Mark’s have split – and each one has caused great heartache and sadness.

And the likelihood is that there will be more.

Being a Christian is no guarantee of a trouble-free marriage.

Over the past few months I’ve thought it would help us to think through God’s word about marriage and marriage breakdowns – so we can be clear and act as God wants.

I was planning to do this next term, but think it may be helpful to spend some time on it now – hence this one-off sermon.

And I know it is a very sensitive subject.

Some of you have come from broken homes as I have.

My parents separated when I was about 14.

My memory is of waking up one morning to find my father had left.

Walked out.

Gone to Perth - as far away as he could go I figured, yet still be in Australia.

It was confusing; it was painful and still is.

I missed my father a lot as I was growing up.

I often resented what he did.

Sadly society seems to treat divorce as an easy, harmless matter – but it is neither easy nor harmless.

Our courts uphold no-fault divorce, but there is no such thing.

I know some of you have been through divorce, or separation, yourselves – and some have shared with me the pain of that.

Perhaps even today your marriage, or that of someone you know, is in trouble.

God’s word may be great to hear, or hard to hear.

We need to pray that I will be faithful to God in what I say, and sensitive in how I say it - and that you will be gentle and considerate in how you hear and respond.

So *let’s pray* that God will indeed help us today.

*2.

Marriage – some biblical principles*

God has much to say about marriage.

Far too much for one sermon.

And maybe next year we can spend some more weeks on it if that will be helpful.

Perhaps you can let me know some time Let’s for now point out some key principles:

 

/a) Marriage is a good gift of God, but not end point of humanity or human relationships./

We need to start with God.

God is a God of relationships.

He is relational in himself.

He is the model for all our relationships.

As we come to know God we see that relationships matter for him.

And for us.

In Genesis 1 God tells us He made humanity in his image – part of that image is that we are relational beings.

And so in Genesis 2 we meet Adam and then Eve.

Relational beings.

Eve created to be a suitable helper for Adam – equal, similar, yet different.

And at the end of that chapter Adam and Eve are joined together by God.

His action.

His initiative.

The first marriage, instituted by God before the Fall.

Marriage then is right and good.

Jesus backs that up in Matt 19:4-6 when he says - “Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ 79 w   Mt 19:5 and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’ 80 ?

x   Mt 19:6 So they are no longer two, but one.

Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.”

Marriage is a good gift of God.

We need to affirm the value of marriage.

But marriage is not the end-point of our human relationships; it is not the be all and end all of our existence.

Singleness is an equally valid option.

What matters most is our relationship with God.

And indeed human marriage is modeled on that relationship.

/b).Human marriage is modeled on (and reflects) Jesus’ own relationship with his bride, the church./

Just as human relationships reflect God’s nature, so human marriages reflect God’s ultimate plans and purposes – to create a people who are his very own.

The relationship between a man and a woman in marriage is based on the relationship between God and his people.

Paul writes then in Eph 5:23-26 - For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, u  his body, of which he is the Savior.

Eph 5:24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands v  in everything.

Husbands, love your wives, w  just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her x   Eph 5:26 to make her holy, y  

            The relationship between Jesus and his bride is to set the pattern for the relationship between a man and his bride.

A pattern of loving, active, self-sacrificing headship, and loving submissive response.

At the end of the Bible we see the true marriage is not between a man and a woman, but between Christ and the church – Rev 21:2 - I saw the Holy City, p  the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, q  prepared as a bride r  beautifully dressed for her husband.

Here is the wedding of Jesus to his bride - the church, His people.

/c) Human marriage is only for this world, not the world to come/

Which shows us that human marriage is only for this world, not for the world to come.

So Jesus says in Matt 22:30 - At the resurrection people will neither marry nor be given in marriage; e  they will be like the angels in heaven.

Sometimes people worry – if my spouse dies I can’t get married again, because what will happen then when I get to heaven?

You can get married again on earth, if you want to, because human marriage is only relevant here on earth.

It is designed for relationships in this world.

So why was it instituted by God?

 

/d) Marriage is designed by God for the procreation of children, and as the right place for human sexuality to be expressed.

/

            Marriage is the ideal place for children to be brought up – ideally with a father and mother who love and care for them, both bringing their own differences into the life of their child.

In Genesis 1 God blesses humanity and tells them to fill the earth.

Which involves having children.

And normally having children involves sex – and so marriage is also the place for us to express our sexual nature.

It’s part of who God made us, part of who we are - sex is a great gift of God.

We ought not to be afraid nor ashamed of sex – but because it is such a powerful force God lays down guidelines and laws on how to express it.

And the only God-given place for sex is within a marriage relationship – marriage is more than sex, but it is to include sex where possible.

I read this quote in a devotion recently - ‘The fire of sex is meant for the fireplace of marriage.

Once it leaves there, somebody's going to get burned.’

The first few verses in 1 Cor 7 echo this thought.

Some of the Corinthain Christians seem to have been suggesting that sex, even within a marriage, was not spiritual, and so should be avoided.

But Paul says – no.

If you’re married then have sex, and keep having sex.

How great is that!

Sex is an obligation and responsibility within marriage in vv3-5 – the husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, m  and likewise the wife to her husband.

1Co 7:4 The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband.

In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife.

1Co 7:5 Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, n  so that you may devote yourselves to prayer.

Then come together again so that Satan o  will not tempt you p  because of your lack of self-control.

This passage does not justify a spouse saying - you must give me what I want.

That is to completely misunderstand the nature of marriage.

Paul is not saying I have the right to sex when and where and how I want, regardless of what my spouse thinks or feels.

That’s not marriage.

Marriage is not about what I get but what I can give to the other.

Marriage is to be other-person centred, even when it comes to sex.

It is about what the other person likes, not what I like – marriage is about pleasing my spouse.

Which is a challenge sexually, as in so many parts of married life, because men and women are so different.

Differences which make marriage a wonder and at times a frustration.

Differences which require careful consideration, communication and often compromise.