12. The Mission Of Marriage

God's Plan Our Place in it • Sermon • Submitted a year ago • Presented a year ago

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In Christ Jesus we all have the same worth, dignity and honor, but God has given us different roles to play in His Kingdom. Those who have roles of more responsibility and authority are not more valuable than those with less, God brings the entire body of Christ together in a fitting and complementary way to accomplish His purpose to gather and unite all things under Christ (Eph 1:10).

Notes

Transcript

Ephesians 5:22–24 (ESV)

22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

Ephesians 5:25–33 (ESV)

25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. 28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body.

31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. 33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself,

and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

Introduction

Thank you Todd and Ann for helping us by tag teaming on the reading today. I asked this husband and wife team to read for us because I wanted us to see how the Biblical call to “spirit filled” submission that we introduced last week is one that is often objected to in an unbalanced way when it comes to marriage.

Our culture teaches us to recoil at the untenable idea of a wife being called to willingly submit to her husband, but we too often forget about the insurmountable calling of a husband to sacrificially love his wife as Christ has and does love the Church. There is much more written about his role in submission to this calling than there is hers.

Tension

And I believe that one of the main reasons that we have such a hard time with this in our culture today is because we have largely adopted this value system where we place greater value on the person who fills the role of greater authority.

So instead of seeing intrinsic value in how each person plays their God given role, we believe that anyone who willingly submits to another is automatically of less value than that the person they are submitting to. This misunderstanding of submission is at the root of so many tensions, fights and even wars in our world today.

But God did not design His world this way. From the very beginning God designed humans to enjoy equal value in their distinct and different roles.

Looking at the creation story, we can see how every day in the creation account ends with “and God saw that it was good”. Over and over as God spoke another aspect of His world into existence and it was just “good, good, good, good, good…and then very good” .

But did you know that on the way to that last “very good” there was a “not good”?

I am not talking about “not good” in the sense of the corruption of good…as in “sin”, that is not found till chapter 3. But in Genesis chapter 2 we see that God progressively went from the good creation of the first man into a declaration that more was needed to reach the very good.

It went like this in...

Genesis 2:15–24 (ESV)

15 The Lord God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to work it and keep it. 16 And the Lord God commanded the man, saying, “You may surely eat of every tree of the garden, 17 but of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat of it you shall surely die.”

It is the violation of this command that we see unfold in chapter 3 when sin entered our world but that is not yet. Before that dark day we have a different “not-good”

18 Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.”

God recognized that His good creation needed something more so he continued his creative process. This time, however, he did not create in the same way as He created everything else. This is how God had created up to this point...

19 Now out of the ground the Lord God had formed every beast of the field and every bird of the heavens and brought them to the man to see what he would call them. And whatever the man called every living creature, that was its name.

I don’t have time to go into all of this, but in the ancient world - much more than today - to give something a name was about more than just liking the sound of it. It was a profound statement of value, identity and purpose. So keeping that in mind, the text continues to say...

20 The man gave names to all livestock and to the birds of the heavens and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper fit for him.

One by one Adam gave name, purpose and identity to the all of God’s creatures and in that he found that none of them were a good fit for him.

As much as you may love your dog, cat or horse… we need more than animal companions in this life.

So how did God resolve this creative dilemma? He took something from Adam to make something for Adam.

21 So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. 22 And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man.

So unlike every other “good” thing that He had made from the dust of the ground, God made the woman from the man, and then God was the first Father to bring in the beautiful bride and give her away.

23 Then the man said, “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.”

And if you are wondering how we are going to get all the way from Genesis back to Ephesians it is right here in this next verse...

24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

You see, this was God’s very good design from the beginning. None of God’s other good creatures on earth were fit to be a helper to Adam, so God specifically designed Eve to play that role.

She was created from him, so she is like him

She was created after him, so he is to lead her

She was created for him, because he was alone or lonely without her…and that was not good.

And we don’t often think about this, because we mostly picture Adam and Eve together, but Adam lived on the earth without her for at least some period of time. Have you ever thought about that?

So after Eve was created, Adam got to show her around the garden. He got to introduce her to all the animals that He had named before she got here…and before she got her name from Him.

He got to show Eve all that He had discovered about God’s incredible world. The sights, the sounds, the feel of it all. How the water, the plants and the stars all worked together for these incredible tastes of the garden. Tastes that satisfied but still you could go back for more…well...to every tree except one that is.

Adam also was to lead his wife in obeying God’s one and only rule in the garden… “but of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat of it you shall surely die.” And unfortunately that is exactly what happened.

We don’t really know how much time there was between chapter 2 and chapter 3, but we know that everything changed in that moment when Adam stood idly by while Eve listened to the serpent, gave the fruit to Adam and they both disobeyed. The rebellion of our first parents corrupted everything in our world so that it was only a dim reflection of the “very good” that it was designed to be.

This effected everything on earth…including Adam and Eve’s relationship. Among the list of their many consequences in Genesis 3, God says to the woman...

Genesis 3:16b(ESV)

16 ...Your desire shall be contrary to your husband, but he shall rule over you.”

In the garden, Adam joyfully introduced Eve to all of God’s creation and they submitted together to the very present and benevolent rule of God, but when they were kicked out of the garden everything changed.

This was one of the darkest days on earth...but God still had a plan. Because even among the many consequences of the fall we read of how the offspring from the line of Adam and Eve will bring us back under God’s rule and reign again.

God the Father will send His Son as the Savior of the world and He will redeem the world from it’s corrupted state and set it back on course to the established Kingdom of God once again.

This Plan is what the first half of Ephesians is all about, and our place in God’s plan is to submit ourselves to God’s rule again, be filled with the Holy Spirit and so walk in that restored original design in every one of our roles and relationships... starting with our marriages which is our focus for today.

So if you haven’t already, open your Bibles up to Ephesians chapter 5, it’s on page 978 in the Bible in the chairs. I’ll pray and we will dive into this teaching on willingly submitting to the roles that our Savior and Lord Jesus Christ has given us in marriage.

Truth

So up to this point in Ephesians, Paul has been addressing how the body of Christ, the Church, should walk or behave in light of all that Jesus has done for us, but now He is going to “bring it Home.”

The first relationship that Paul addresses is the bedrock relationship of human society and that is the marriage. And the first thing he says is that, just as the Church submits to Christ,

“Spirit-filled” wives willingly submit to their husbands. (Ephesians 5:22-24)

A literal translation of verse 22 would read...

Ephesians 5:22 (ESV)

22 Wives,________ to your own husbands, as to the Lord.

I know that sounds funny, but the original Greek did not include a verb in this sentence, but instead it borrows the verb-like participle “submitting” from the previous sentence. This is probably why so many translators try and include verse 21 in this section of verses, even though grammatically it does not fit.

But if we take what we learned last week about participles and verbs and applied it here we would understand this as a command from verse 18 to

“...be filled with the Spirit” which looks like...21 submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ. 22 Wives, ________to your own husbands, as to the Lord.

This is double dose of that illustration that I gave last week when I showed how Christians aim our submission at Jesus, but it goes to and through the person that is standing in front of us on it’s way to honor Jesus as our one true“Lord”.

As “spirit-filled” Christians, we are called to submit every aspect of our life to Jesus as Lord, and this includes every earthly role, responsibility or authority that we live in. Where we previously might have submitted only out of fear, force or some other form of self-preservation, we are now free to honor God with our submission in any relationship because ultimately we are aiming our submission at Him.

So when a “spirit-filled” wife submits to her husband, what is really happening is that she is submitting herself to the rule and reign of Jesus.

Because in the patriarchal society of Paul’s day, it was not a new idea that a woman would submit to her husband. That was common place in Jewish and most all Gentile marriages. What is new and different here is that Paul is commanding her to do it in obedience to Jesus.

So Paul goes on to show us how this works as a part of God’s mission for marriages. As it is written, it says...

Ephesians 5:22–24(ESV)

As much as the culture around us will insist that Paul is degrading women here, like some sort of oppressive chauvinist, I submit to you that it was very much the opposite. Remember we have this skewed value system that says that to submit to another is to declare yourself of less value, dignity or worth than them. But God doesn’t see it that way.

Instead, Paul is continuing to teach us that God’s plan is all about increasing His rule and reign over all the earth. “…to unite all things in [Christ] (Eph 1) So our value is found in the fact that God lovingly invites us to play a part in His beautiful plan for the world.

Like a gear in a watch we are fit into this plan according to His design.

In this way Paul is really elevating women into a call to not just to submit to their husbands but to do so as a part of bigger plan to display for the world what a right relationship between God and His people looks like. It is a calling to preach the good news of Jesus in how they willingly submit to their Christian husbands.

And there is so much potential in this way of sharing this message that the Apostle Peter said that even “non-Christian” husbands can be won to Christ through this new way of “spirit-filled” wives submitting to their husbands as to the Lord. (1 Peter 3:1-3)

That being said, there have been times when sinful people have hijacked this good and God-honoring calling and twisted it into a command for wives to submit to their husbands even in ungodly things. That is a gross misunderstanding of this teaching. You can’t submit “as to the Lord” in a way that is a rebellion against His will and commands.

But just like every other time someone twisted Scripture, we don’t reject a Biblical teaching just because some people have taught it wrong. There is still a blessing to be found when a “spirit-filled” Christian wife willingly submits to the leadership of her husband in order to display the glory of God to a world that desperately needs to see it.

Of course this blessing is greatly diminished if the husband is not answering his calling to submit to the rule and reign of Jesus in his role…

So we will spend a greater amount of time look at how, just as Jesus sacrificed himself for the Church,

“Spirit-filled” Husbands sacrificially love their wives. (Ephesians 5:25-27)

Paul goes on to say...

Ephesians 5:25-28 (ESV)

25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,

EPHESIANS 5:25 Men. Read it again. Memorize it. Understand it. Love it. Live it. This is us guys. When you want to know what a real man is…this is it!

How twisted does your heart have to be to see anything in this verse but a clear calling for men to selflessly sacrifice themselves for the good of their wives? Especially since Jesus is shown as our example in this! How can anyone see any room for any self-centered motivations in any of this.

The truth is that if husbands would get this right, than more often than not their wives would just naturally respond in willing submission. They wouldn’t even need the Bible’s command to do so... because they would see how utterly committed their husband is to their greatest needs and their ultimate welfare.

But this can get twisted the other direction as well, where a husband thinks that “loving” his wife is just deferring to her in every decision for the home, family and marriage. These men just go along with whatever because, “Whatcha going do? “Happy wife, happy life..right…so...” No, that is not so.

This was the same kind of attitude that Adam took when Eve gave him the forbidden fruit. He just went along with it when he should have loved her enough to say, “No way, I don’t care who told you that was a good idea, we are going to do what God says” That is what he should have said.

But that is really our problem isn’t it men? Too often we don’t really know what God has said about how we should be walking in this Christian life. And our lovely wives seem to have it handled so…maybe the best thing is to just let her take the lead here. She wouldn’t lead intentionally lead us astray, so what is the problem with that?

The problem is that God gave you the responsibility to do that for her, not the other way around.

25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,

26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.

Jesus is our example and His “husband-ly” love for his bride the Church is not some sort of passive, placating kind of lazy love. It never seeks to just make us happy for a moment, but it looks out at the long game. It seeks to make us holy for all eternity.

That is the kind of love that “spirit-filled” husbands are called to display for their wives. Not just roses, jewelry and chocolate on holidays, but spiritual leadership that draws her closer to Jesus in the every day.

One of my favorite books on marriage is called You and Me Together by Francis and Lisa Chan. I like to use it for marriage counseling but it is a good read for any season of marriage. And obviously they have fun in their marriage, but they insist that the best way to have a great marriage is not really focus on your marriage.

Let me just read you the the back cover that says in big bold letters at the top...

Marriage is Great, but it’s not forever.

It’s until death do us part. Then comes eternal rewards or regrets depending on how we spend our lives.

While we cannot allow lesser things to destroy our marriages, we also cannot allow marriage to distract us for greater things.

A jealous God asks us to pursue Him first and most. Then life makes sense, and everything falls into its proper place.

Love laughter and intimacy were all created to be enjoyed. So there is a way to love family deeply without ignoring heaven.

It all comes down to our focus.

Jesus was right. We have it all backwards. The way to have a great marriage is by not focusing on marriage.

You might be thinking what kind of marriage book is that? How can you write a book about marriage that isn’t focused on marriage? Because the point of “spirit-filled” Christian marriage is really not about marriage at all. Like everything else in our life, it is about the rule and reign of Jesus being gloriously displayed in every aspect of our lives. There is a mission for our marriages.

This brings us to our third and final theme this week is that...

“Spirit filled” Marriages mysteriously display the body of Christ. Ephesians 5:28–33 (ESV)

This is the mission of our marriage. It is not just about romance, happiness or intimacy…although these all have their place…it is about displaying a relationship rightly given over to the headship of Jesus in the body of Christ.

28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body.

This is not an opening for men to approach marriage selfishly,as if they should love their wives becomes it somehow comes back to them. No this is an explanation of how the original design for our relationships is recaptured in the body of Christ and then specifically in our marriages.

We know this because the very next verse brings us all the way back to the garden of Eden in Genesis as it says in quotes:

31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”

And remember this was from chapter 2, so before the consequences of sin and being kicked out of the garden. This “one flesh” experience between a man and a woman was a part of the “very good” that God reached at the end of His creation. It was corrupted by sin but now because of Jesus and by the power of the Holy Spirit…it can be realized again in “Spirit-filled” marriages. So Paul says...

32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. 33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

Application

The Bible teaches of this mysterious fellowship in the body of Christ that can not be found anywhere else on earth. That the “headship” of Jesus over the body makes it a supernatural fellowship of love, light and harmony unlike anything else. But we know that it doesn’t always look this way, because we execute it imperfectly, but the point is that because of Jesus and the power of the Holy Spirit it can look like this…and it should always be growing towards it.

It is the same thing that happens when men and women bring this relationship home. Their “Spirit-filled” marriages have the potential to be a public demonstration of the love, light and harmony like God’s plan for the body of Christ, but we execute them imperfectly too.

But the first step toward having this kind of marriage is to submit to the high calling that God has given us both as husbands and wives. The wife to submit to the leadership of her husband and the husband to sacrificially love his wife in leading her to a closer relationship with God.

Landing / Next Steps

Because if we approach our marriages as some sort of man-made arrangement that is there to make us happy, then we won’t make it very long and it won’t make us very happy.

But if we approach marriage as a God-given mission to demonstrate what submitting to God’s design can grow between two “spirit-filled” people, then it will bring us to the love, light and harmony that we are looking for.

As God said, “It is not good for man to be alone”

Let’s pray...

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