The Subtle Trap of Comparison
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Introduction
Introduction
Text: 2 Cor 10:1-18
As i thought about a message for Mother’s day, I asked myself what is a topic that Mother’s could really benefit from. My mind automatically thought, “Many women struggle with the feeling that they are less than others and the constant desire to be better than someone else. And this isn’t just ladies who struggle with this. In fact this message was originally about comparison in our marriages; but as I began studying, I saw how applicable it is in so many women’s lives as well.
Women often struggle with not feeling thin enough.
They look at the things that others have and think they don’t possess enough.
They scroll facebook and see how happy and exciting other people’s lives are and think they aren’t happy enough.
Maybe they see someone else’s marriage and it seems to be so happy and they think their marriage isn’t enough.
They see other women in their new dresses and think if only I was pretty enough.
Like the tax collector in the temple, they see other people’s kids and think mine are better than that.
She sees a woman snap at her children and thinks I would never treat my kids like that.
Comparison is something that women thrive on. Their image and identity are founded on how they measure up. But Comparison is what led Satan into his fall: Isaiah 14:14 “I will ascend above the heights of the clouds; I will be like the most High.” Satan saw God in His glory. In fact, Satan was one of the angels closest to God; but in his heart, Satan was comparing himself to God. He desired to be more. Comparison led to the fall of Satan and in our lives it leads to sin as well.
Comparison takes on a negative form and a positive form:
Sometimes we compare ourselves and think we are better than every one else. This leads to:
pride
self-focus
perfectionism
Judgmental criticism
arrogance a
obsession with performance
Sometimes we compare ourselves and think we are worse than every one else. This leads to:
humiliation
self-consciousness
fears
quitting
depression
jealousy
insecurity
In 1 Cor 10, Paul had to deal with a group of false teachers who thrives on comparison to make themselves look better than Paul. Paul had ministered there for about 20 months and then had to travel elsewhere. In the mean time, problems had arisen in the church to which Paul wrote a non-canonical book warning them about these things (1 Cor 5:9 “I wrote unto you in an epistle not to company with fornicators:”) After that letter Paul had heard reports of further problems and been asked questions by members of the church so he wrote a second letter which is our 1 Corinthians. Paul then wrote a third letter severely warning about false teachers who were coming in and standing against him. Finally, we have our second letter to the Corinthians which is actually the fourth letter written by Paul to the Corinthians in rebuttal to the attempt of the false teachers to destroy his reputation with the church. Paul acknowledged that the battle with comparison that he was fighting was not against other people.
Comparison is actually a spiritual battle designed to take you out of the fight. Paul says in vs 3 we do not war after the flesh. The battle is not flesh and blood. And in vs 4 the weapons we use are not carnal, fleshly weapons. Satan wants nothing more than to get you living in defeat by living in comparison because whether you are proud or depressed, critical or jealous, obsessed or insecure; he has you living in defeat.
We are going to return to the first few verses of this chapter because they give us the solution to the problem; but let’s look first of all at the problem of comparison.
The Wrong Criteria for Comparison vs 7-12a
The Wrong Criteria for Comparison vs 7-12a
The problem with comparison is that we have the wrong criteria for comparison. Jesus often spoke of comparisons like the Pharisee and the sinner. Jesus compared the widow and every one else who gave. When confronted by Martha about Mary not helping her, Jesus made a comparison that Mary had chosen the better part. Jesus wasn’t so much saying comparison is wrong as he was saying that the standard by which we compare ourselves is wrong. When ever we compare ourselves with others, our mentality is always “me centered”
We enter the room, we might might engage in conversation with other people but the conversation always boomerangs back to being about us. We posture and project ourselves or we shrink away and hide ourselves; but the focus is always me. Who have you been comparing yourself against?
Paul points out two wrong criteria for comparison:
Paul points out two wrong criteria for comparison:
Appearances- vs 7 These false teachers were tearing down Paul because according to them in his letters he was bold, deep and powerful; but in person Paul was weak and his speech was not very good. Its kinda like reading a powerful speech by Abraham Lincoln and then finding out that he had a high pitched nasal voice. We expect him to sound more like James Earl Jones. Paul had physical ailments. We read about his thorn in the flesh and then elsewhere it seems that Paul had a problem with his eyes. One letter even says You see how large a letter I write unto you. The letter itself wasn’t large but the letter he wrote were large letters because of his eye problem.
Girls put a lot of stock on beauty. According to one survey women spend an average of $8 a day worth of makeup. There is nothing wrong with beauty and taking care of yourself; but to become consumed with it is wrong. In high schools accross our country, girls are ostracized and shunned because they are not pretty enough. Beauty is only skin deep. What matters more than beauty on the outside is who you are on the inside.
Socially awkward girls strive to be part of the in crowd and compare themselves to beauty magazines or even just others girls who seem to have it all together. But with vanity, we often find girls who are shallow and hateful. There will always be someone who is more beautiful than you are. This type of comparison is a loosing battle. And you will find that people only accepted you for all the wrong reasons. If you remember, Jesus described the Pharisees as white washed tombs. They were beautiful on the outside. You drive by a cemetery any day and you will se beautiful monuments to people, but what is inside those beautiful tombs? dead people. They looked good on the outside but were rotten on the inside.
Other people- There are many problems with comparing ourselves to other people. God calls it not being wise. It is not the way God thinks about things. People only show you what they want you to see. For the most part we don’t every really get to see all that a person is. Social media is curated media. Its what we want the world to see about us. Comparing yourself to other is like a C student comparing themselves to a D student and thinking they are doing pretty good. What truly matters is not how you measure up to other people, but how does God feel about you.
The Foolishness of Comparison vs 12
The Foolishness of Comparison vs 12
Verse 12 says that comparison is not wise. It isn’t the way God thinks about us. The end result will always be negative. We will either rise up in pride or shrink back in depression. In James 3:14-16 “But if ye have bitter envying and strife in your hearts, glory not, and lie not against the truth. This wisdom descendeth not from above, but is earthly, sensual, devilish. For where envying and strife is, there is confusion and every evil work.” James 3:17 “But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, and easy to be intreated, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality, and without hypocrisy.”
Words like envying, strife, glorying are all words of comparison. I envy because I see what you have compared to what I don’t have and I want it. Strife comes because when I compare my way with your way, I think mine is better than yours. Glorying comes because when I look at all the things I have, I think I have come out on top compared to everyone else.
But what does James say about this type of thinking: It is of the devil. This way of thinking does not come from God. It is worldly wisdom. Our world thrives on who is better than who. What actress is prettier than the rest. “Mirror, Mirror on the wall who is the fairest of them all.” Who is the richest person and are we keeping up with Kardashians. It is a downward cycles spirally away from God. This type of thinking is pushed, motivated by the devil and our own selfish desires. The verse says it is earthly- the way of the world, but the Christian is not of this world. Sensual- it makes us feel better if we can come out on top. Devilish- it is an attack from Satan to keep us from pursuing God and serving others.
But God’s wisdom is
pure- it is focused on true inward beauty and purity
peaceable- it promotes harmony not fighting between people.
gentle- it isn’t part of the violent ruthless rat race.
easy to be intreated- it is teachable because it is humble. full of mercy and good fruits- God’s wisdom seeks to serve others. It is not Me focused but others focused.
without partiality- if you are partial, you are excluding someone from the group. That means they didn’t compare and meet your expectations. They aren’t good enough for you.
without hypocrisy- hypocrisy is focused on putting on a front so you will be accepted by the in crowd.
Comparison is foolish because all it does is destroy.
The Right Criteria for Comparison vs 13-18
The Right Criteria for Comparison vs 13-18
Paul contrasts the wrong criteria with two things we should be concerned about:
Obeying God-What others think of you doesn’t matter as much as what God thinks of you. The bible uses the terms the fear of man and the fear of God. Who matters more to you? Those friends and the shallow image you have tried to put out their could come crashing down at any moment; but God says I will never leave you nor forsake you. Paul was focused on preaching the gospel where God had sent him to preach. vs 14-16
the acceptance of the Lord- What should matter most to us is what does God think about us. Paul quotes Jer 9:24 “But let him that glorieth glory in this, That he understandeth and knoweth me, That I am the Lord which exercise lovingkindness, judgment, and righteousness, in the earth: For in these things I delight, saith the Lord.” in vs 17 The person who is approved is the one that God commends or puts his stand of acceptance on.
The Solution to Comparison vs 4-6
The Solution to Comparison vs 4-6
I said the solution to this comparison game was found in the first few verses of the chapter. Verse four tells us that our battle is not to climb up the ladder and become more accepted by the world, but our battle is a spiritual battle. comparison is a battle of the mind and the heart. The solution is:
Cast down the thoughts that oppose God’s way of thinking- resist the thoughts, say No to them. When they come in you mind say No.
arrest them and force them to submit to God’s way of thinking- Stop the wrong thoughts and replace them with right thoughts. Meditate on God’s truth so that when those thoughts come in your mind, you can replace them with right thoughts.
I want to challenge you with a study if you are struggling with comparison. Instead of comparing yourself to others and deciding where you stand, read Eph 1 and 2. Ask yourself this question, Who does God say I am or what does God say about me in these first two chapters?
I’ll give you one hint as you approach this study: I am accepted in the beloved. My performance, how I measure up will never make God love me more or accept me more. My value has been established by Jesus Christ.
The problem with comparison is that it is all about me, but God wants us to live our lives concerned about what He thinks about us and how we can bless others with out lives.
Conclusion
Conclusion
What really matters is what does God think about you.
Then go and serve others in obedience to God.
Ask yourself, in what ways has God gifted me to help this person? or how has God designed this person to be a help in my spiritual growth? Both questions get our minds off of ourselves and oriented on others.
Measuring cup- we all want to measure how much water is in our measuring cup. Maybe you have 4cups of water in yours and I’ve only got 2 cups of water; but what is more important that how much water is in your cup is what you are doing with the water in your cup. As soon as you start pouring the water out of your cup to meet the needs of others, no one is paying attention to how much water is in your cup. The lines don’t matter any more. People who are sitting there comparing their cup to someone else’s are not pouring out any water to help others.
If this is a particularly hard struggle for you, I have a book that I just put out on the curated library rack: Comparison Girl by Shannon Popkin. Shannon writes for Revive our hearts and has been a helpful resource. The book is a bible study or even a small group study on Lessons from Jesus on me-free living in a measure-up world.