Sermon Tone Analysis

*Ten Counts to a Strong Marriage*

*Topical                October 27, 2002*

* *

*Scripture Reading:*

 

*Reference:*

 

The basic points for this message are found in an RBC Discovery Series booklet entitled /Building Blocks to a Strong Marriage/ by staff writer, David Egner, RBC Ministries, Grand Rapids, 2001.

*Introduction:*

 

Marriage is a divine~/human institution both ripe for untold blessing and riddled with destructive temptations.

Christian marriages are in more trouble these days than you can imagine.

The divorce rate equals or exceeds that found in secular society.

Joan and I recently heard that some Christian friends of ours, a younger couple with several children, have filed for divorce.

Divorce has beset other Christian couples we have known in the past as well – all quite tragically.

Divorce has beset some even in our own congregation, and you have endured much pain through it all.

But before you shut me off because of your pain, let me assure you that we love and accept you in your walk with the Lord as we know you now.

Listen for God's truth in this message where you can apply it.

The tragedy of divorce is that you are not in control of your spouse.

If they wanted a divorce instead of working out whatever difficulties your marriage faced, you may have been relatively powerless to prevent it.

Maybe even you were the one who left.

But the other tragedy of divorce is that it is a divine coupling of two sinners, each with enough problems of their own, each with issues from their own family of origin, many of which would be fatal if it weren't for the grace of God.

And people make foolish mistakes of judgment in their lives that are inexplicable and irretrievable.

In other words, it is hard for any two people to get along all the time in close company.

Nothing is totally one-sided, even if one party messed up more than the other.

Mutual forgiveness is a continual mandate – or womandate.

So how can we apply God's Word toward a lasting and beautiful marriage?

One thing we could do is apply the little lesson our parents taught us when we were kids.

ILLUS: Just count to ten – when you are tempted to do something you'll regret or you've given up caring.

Stop and think about it.

There are ten points to this message that will help you do just that.

When you think, "I'm getting out.

This isn't the person I thought I was marrying.

Life is too short for all of this pain.

We're no longer good for one another," just count to ten – these ten points that is.

When you think, "We've tried everything.

Nothing seems to work.

He just insists on having everything his own way.

It's just hopeless.

The only thing to do is bail out," just count to ten.

When you think, "This is the 3rd millenium.

Marriage doesn't mean what it used to.

A lot of people aren't even bothering with a ceremony anymore.

You try it; and if it doesn't work, you leave it.

It's nothing to get moralistic about," just count to ten.

When you think, "Look at how high the divorce rate is.

Everybody's getting a divorce – even prominent church leaders.

So why should I suffer through a bad marriage?

There's no need for me to be the exception," just count to ten.

When you think, "Our marriage needs a little excitement.

We're too used to each other.

Maybe if I have an affair, it will put the spice back into our marriage," just count to ten.

When you think, "We've been going from counselor to counselor.

I don't know how much money we've spent.

We even went to a preacher.

Somebody must have the right formula for us.

I guess we'll just have to keep searching," just count to ten.

When you think, "I know our marriage will eventually work.

Once I've had a few drinks, I can tolerate just about anything.

It will help me make it until things get better," just count to ten.

When you think, "I guess I'm destined to a life of unhappiness.

There's nothing I can do about my marriage.

Maybe when the children all leave home I'll have the courage to get out.

Until then, I'll just have to pretend everything's okay," just count to ten.

Divorce, extramarital affairs, counselors, alcohol, drugs, resignation – these are just some of the ways people try to deal with troubled marriages.

But these ways of killing the pain just make a bad situation worse.

There is a better way.

You can go to someone who knows your heart and understands your trouble.

He made marriage and he alone can give you what you need to make it.

God is the only one who can make you into the right kind marriage partner – the kind that pleases him.

He is the only one who can make your spouse into the right kind too.

Charlie Shedd said, "Marriage isn't so much finding the right person as it is being the right person."

God is the One who made marriage in the first place, and he can give you the inner strength you need to take that first step.

He'll give you ten principles upon which marriage is founded and tell you to count them out and add them up.

*Big Question:*

 

/How can I make sure my marriage will have a chance to last for the full count?/

*I.

Count One – lifelong commitment*

 

*          A.

Narrative*

 

God's ideal for marriage is one man and one woman for a lifetime.

“ "Haven’t you read," he replied, "that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’  and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’?

So they are no longer two, but one.

Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate."”

(Matthew 19:4-6 NIVUS)

 

Jesus did address that possibility, but certainly offered no mandate.

“ Jesus replied, "Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard.

But it was not this way from the beginning.

I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery."”

(Matthew 19:8-9 NIVUS)

 

Marriage is a vow not to be broken.

“ When you make a vow to God, do not delay in fulfilling it.

He has no pleasure in fools; fulfill your vow.

It is better not to vow than to make a vow and not fulfill it.

Do not let your mouth lead you into sin.

And do not protest to the /temple/ messenger, "My vow was a mistake."

Why should God be angry at what you say and destroy the work of your hands?

Much dreaming and many words are meaningless.

Therefore stand in awe of God.” (Ecclesiastes 5:4-7 NIVUS)

 

When we consider the Garden of Eden and our first parents, we cannot fail to see that (1) they were created to live forever (2) all they had was each other since there were no other humans at the time and (3) therefore marriage was for life.

When tempted in our marriages, we should think in terms of the Garden.

*          B.

Implication*

 

I must make a lifelong commitment.