A God Honoring Marriage in a Broken World, Part 2
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Love is blind and marriage is an institution. Therefore, marriage is an institution for the blind.
Anonymous
There is no estate to which Satan is more opposed as to marriage.
Martin Luther
Sin = Hard Hearts = Isolation = Divorce
It Was Not That Way From The Beginning
We’re going to keep looking back to the beginning in our definition of things.
It All Starts With the Adam
The Blessing of a Husband
Men, Retake the Mantle
Headship
leadership and authority
NOT Lordship and autocracy
Covering
Protectors
NOT Predators
To watch over and keep an eye on it
Worship
Cultivate - Labor done in worship of God
Worship leaders
Mutual Submission (vs.21)
Mutual Submission (vs.21)
Grammatically, this is a hinge verse. It serves a twofold purpose of bringing conclusion to the previous section and then introducing the next.
Let’s first tackle the word submission.
This word has been misrepresented and misunderstood even among Christian denominations.
It has often been pushed to mean more than what the biblical text allows.
What Does “Submission” Mean?
hupotasso - to place under in an orderly fashion.
middle in form - to willingly place oneself under another.
participle - to continually do so. A conscious choice to keep on doing it.
one to another - indicates equality of all concerned.
Equals who are willing to put themselves under the authority and care of another.
It doesn’t mean the other is not capable of doing so and doing it themselves, they just willingly give that responsibility to the other person.
This fits the thought of both man and woman being created in the image of God, therefore they are equals.
But they were given different roles and responsibilities.
The Man - Cultivate and Keep
protect, provide, doing it all in worship of God and leading in that worship.
The Woman - Helper
complementary not competitor
Marriage, and the process of coming to it, is not heaven! It is the bonding together of two needy sinners in order to make a partnership which is substantially greater than either of them alone.
Sinclair Buchanan Ferguson
So husband and wife are to continually make the choice to put themselves in the proper order that God ordained.
Husbands submit to the wife by loving her even when she acts in disrespectful ways.
Husbands submit to the wife by continuing to sacrifice for her even when she doesn’t deserve it.
Husbands submit to the wife by covering her even when she is unwilling to be covered.
Husbands submit to the wife by continuing to defend her, even when she continues to offend.
Wives submit to the husband by being respectful to them even when they act in unloving ways.
Wives submit to the husband by willingly placing themselves under his leadership, even when he is not leading as a servant.
Wives submit to the husband by staying under his covering of authority even when he hasn’t earned it.
Wives submit to the husband by encouraging Him even when he should be criticized.
How can we do that? There are 2 primary ways.
In The Reverence of Christ (vs. 21)
In The Reverence of Christ (vs. 21)
This first one deals with our Attitude. We must have the right attitude.
The literal translation is the fear of Christ.
A deep and reverential sense of accountability to God or Christ.
The fear of the Lord is a fountain of life, That one may avoid the snares of death.
We are to submit to one another with a sense of accountability to Christ.
We do it not necessarily because we want to, but because we love Jesus and He tells us to.
Be Filled With the Spirit (vs. 18)
Be Filled With the Spirit (vs. 18)
The second way deals with our Ability. Or maybe I should say lack of ability.
Remember hinge verse? So this issue jumps back to vs. 18
The ability to submit to one another out of reverence for Christ comes from being filled with the Holy Spirit.
And the command here is to keep allowing the Holy Spirit to fill you.
How do you know if you are filled with the Spirit?
You will by nature manifest the following things:
Communicating to one another using Scripture.
Singing or playing songs of praise with a joyful heart.
Giving thanks for all things.
And when your mind and heart are right because you are filled with the Spirit…then you are able to submit properly to one another.
And the emphasis in this as well? Jesus! Doing it in the name of Jesus.
Wives, Submit Yourself to Your Own Husbands…as to the Lord (vs. 22-24)
Wives, Submit Yourself to Your Own Husbands…as to the Lord (vs. 22-24)
Willingly place yourself under the covering of your husband.
This is not a forced coercive or manipulated submission. It is a free choice of the will of the wife, even if she doesn’t want to or feel like it, she does it in obedience to Christ.
And this applies to your own husband. This command is not to be applied to other men.
The NT and especially Paul elevates the status of women by emphasizing their equality in Christ.
There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free man, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus.
So this command is NOT to demoralize women or demean them to servitude, but rather to get husbands and wives to understand their proper roles and responsibilities.
They are equal in rank, but have different responsibilities.
2 privates, general commands the first to do something...
Just like the church is to put itself into right order under Christ, so wives are to do the same
In all things. Qualified by the earlier statement of in the fear or reverence of Christ.
A godly husband is not going to ask his wife to do something ungodly, or treat her in an ungodly way.
No Christian should ever submit to a command to sin or disobey God.
Submit in everything that is God honoring.
Unfortunately, that would include submitting to a harsh husband, not abusive, but harsh, as long as what he asks you to do is not sinful.
Remember that each of you will be held accountable for how you did or did not apply these exhortations.
Why Does God Command This?
Genesis 3:16 (NASB95)
To the woman He said, “...Yet your desire will be for your husband, And he will rule over you.”
Natural sinful inclination is to grab the reigns. Why? Usually because the man’s natural sinful inclination is to let go of the reigns.
So God says, Men take your rightful place as the head of the house and it’s responsibilities.
Women, let the men do what God has called them to do and come under their covering an authority.
There are some women who are more strong willed than others...
The attitude: You do it in reverence to Christ. You submit to your husband as you would submit to Christ.
Just like you have put yourself under the covering of Christ, put yourself under the covering of your husband. Scary…dangerous.
How Do You Know That You Are Doing This?
How’s Your Reverence For Christ?
How’s your personal relationship with Christ doing?
Are You Filled With the Spirit?
When you think of your husband, is the first thing that comes to your mind thanksgiving to God for him?
When you think of your husband, do you want to sing praises to God for the great provision of covering God has given you?
When you think of your husband is your first response to go and communicate to Him how blessed you are that God gave Him to you?
Or is your first thought criticism, belittling, or embarrassment?
The Wife Must See To It That She Respects Her Husband (vs. 33)
The Wife Must See To It That She Respects Her Husband (vs. 33)
This ties in to the closing comments in this section.
The wife’s attitude towards her husband and her verbal words towards him reveal whether she respects him or not.
Respect is one of the greatest needs within a man.
We were created with a need to be respected and honored.
It is why men make such great soldiers. For honor and glory!!!!
It’s interesting that according to Emerson Eggerichs, author of Love and Respect, nowhere in the Bible is a woman commanded to love her husband.
Why? Because a woman loves by nature. But a woman who does not feel loved will tend to respond in disrespectful ways.
Men Love Your Wives as Christ Loved the Church (vs. 25)
Men Love Your Wives as Christ Loved the Church (vs. 25)
In loving your wife, you are submitting to Christ as your head, as your covering.
But I want you to understand that Christ is the head of every man, and the man is the head of a woman, and God is the head of Christ.
The husband is the covering (head) of the wife, as Christ is the covering (head) of the church.
Jesus being the Savior of the body…(vs 23)
Keeping it from harm and danger
Caring for its needs
Men you are to sacrifice for your wives.
You are to metaphorically be the Savior of your wife.
You are to be her Knight in shining armor.
Men, Love Your Own Wife as You Do Yourself (vs 33)
Men, Love Your Own Wife as You Do Yourself (vs 33)
This also ties in to the closing comments on this section.
The Husbands attitude towards his wife and his actions towards his wife reflect whether he loves her or not.
Men by nature know how to respect one another, but they have to learn how to love.
Men will die for their wives, but they might not be sentimental.
“Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends.
But, men who do not feel respected will often act in unloving ways to his wife.
Negative cycle. A woman who is not loved responds in disrespectful ways, and a man who is disrespected then reacts in unloving ways, which then causes the woman to act in more disrespectful ways, etc.
We are to love our wives, though, even if they do not submit to our headship.
Christ’s love for the church did not depend on whether or not people would submit to His lordship.
But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.
Christ Is the Example For Both (vs 25-29)
Christ Is the Example For Both (vs 25-29)
We must consider marriage in terms of the doctrine of the atonement.
Life in the Spirit in Marriage Home and Work, 148
David Martyn Lloyd-Jones
This is the main point of the passage.
Women submit as the church submits to Christ, and as Christ submitted to God.
Men are to love…as Christ loved the church.
Paul takes a slight digression, but makes a powerful point
What Did Jesus Do For Us?
He Gave Himself up for us. He submitted Himself over to the power of another on behalf of the church.
Do you stand up for your wife?
Do you take the heat for your wife?
Do you protect your wife’s reputation, even at the expense of your own?
How can I love her sacrificially, for her benefit?
Christ’s authority exists for service and not for prestige or for his own advantage.
That is selfishness and not selflessness.
Submission is not about me getting my own way, but about how I can help the other person be better.
“For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many.”
To set us apart as holy. Sanctified us. devoted us to the service of God. Sharing in God’s purity and abstaining from earth’s defilement.
cleansed by the washing of water with the word.
a reference to baptism.
with (in) the rhema - spoken word…most likely a reference to baptizing in the name of the Trinity and speaking that out loud.
Do you set her apart as special?
To present to Himself the church glorious.
no spot - no impurity
no wrinkle - no sign of age
look at my bride!
Is your wife your Pride and Joy?
To be holy and blameless
holy - set apart
blameless - OT sacrificial term. to be without accusation. to be above criticism. no cause for reproach. wholeness. without fault. Not subject to blame.
We are positionally blameless, but we need to possess our position.
We need to walk it out in the power of the Holy Spirit - Sanctification.
The full image of God in man will be restored.
Do you protect your wife from blame?
Will you take the fall for your wife?
Or do you cast blame? It’s her fault!
To cherish - a bird metaphor meaning “to warm” in the sense of caring for and stewarding
Christ is our Good Shepherd.
Husbands are stewards of their wives gifts as well as their own.
What are you doing to further your wife’s interests and talents?
To nourish - a bird metaphor meaning “to feed to maturity”, in the sense of training and educating.
The goal of our growth is Christlikeness, which would be a restoration of the Fall.
The spiritual leader of the home must seek the maturity of each member of the family in Christ.
What are you doing to foster a home of spiritual growth and maturity?
The subjunctive mood gives these phrases a sense of contingency, of “if, then” power.
As the church must cooperate in the sanctification process, so must the wife cooperate with the husband as he stands up for her.
This where the voluntary submission comes in.
Wives, if you are in the wrong, admit it.
Don’t throw your husbands under the bus.
Headship means self-sacrificing love.
It’s makes it one’s goal in liberating and exalting the one under them.
It’s taking the prisoner and setting them free.
It’s taking the poor and making them rich.
It’s taking the weak and making them strong.
How can I raise up, praise up, and prop up my wife?
And it’s doing it even if she doesn’t acknowledge or recognize it.
When the husband sacrificially loves his wife, he is showing that he loves himself, since she is one flesh with him.
In making one’s wife prosper, a husband prospers himself.
Dare I say, happy wife, happy life?
But a wife is not to take advantage of that, nor demand that, but rather submit to how the husband feels it is appropriate to bring that about.
Our Marriage Is A Display Of Christ’s Love For Us! (vs. 31-32)
Our Marriage Is A Display Of Christ’s Love For Us! (vs. 31-32)
He Gave Himself Up For Us
He Specially Set Us Apart For Himself
He Is Preparing Us So That He Can Present Us Glorious As His Pride and Joy!
He Took Our Blame For Us, Thus Making Us Blameless Before God.
He Cherishes Us. He is Our Good Shepherd. He leads us and cares for us, protects us and restores our soul.
He Nourishes Us. He teaches us what it means to be like Him and how to do it.
He Makes Beauty From Ashes!
Communion Song: God So Loved
Closing Song: Ever Be