Sermon Tone Analysis

Forever . . .

for Real?

Affairs

Jeff Jones, Senior Pastor

April 30~/May 2, 2010

 

“I’m married.”

Love that line, and not a bad thing to remember.

We are finishing out our marriage series today, and today I’m calling an audible.

I had another message mostly prepared, and occasionally I’m able to say about a message, “This one’s good!”

And that was one that felt that way.

But I strongly believe God wanted me to ditch it in order to talk about what we are talking about today, because what we are talking about today is eating too many marriages alive, destroying too many lives—not just in our culture but in our church.

Today we are talking about affairs, adultery.

Sound fun? Adultery is on the rise in our culture, even though this is one area where almost every American agrees with each other.

95% of Americans believe that adultery, having an affair with a married person, is wrong.

That’s amazing!

You can’t get that many people to agree on anything.

You can’t get 95% of Americans to say diarrhea is bad!

But you can get 95% of Americans to say adultery is bad.

Yet, even though just about everybody agrees it is wrong, it sure doesn’t seem to stop many from doing it.

Getting adultery statistics is hard, because the nature of an affair is that you lie, that you keep it secret.

But the consensus of experts…well, before I go on, let me talk about experts.

A lot of people wonder where I get my statistics, who these so-called experts are.

I’ll go ahead and reveal

 

my source.

Whenever I need statistics, I call my friends in Alabama

 

Slide: ___________________________ ) (show pic   )

 

These guys are good.

They are experts in just about everything.

And experts suggest that around 40% of women and 50 to 60% of men will commit adultery in the course of their marriage.

And the younger you are right now generationally, the percentages go up from there.

We may know it is wrong and damaging, but it happens all the time.

For some it happens because people are flippant about it.

I’ve seen that in my own office, with people coming in for counseling.

One guy for example was trying to justify staying married but continuing an affair, and his reason was, “Hey, I’m a guy!” Like that was the trump card, of course guys can’t stay faithful.

I’m a guy.

What a moron!

I couldn’t believe it.

For others it happens because people are naïve.

It’s so easy to have an affair now.

Social media, like Facebook and MySpace, also makes the whole process that much easier.

We’ve seen multiple affairs in our church start with what seemed innocent enough, social media connection to an old boyfriend or girlfriend, or to someone brand new, and an inappropriate emotional connection progresses to an all-out affair.

Our culture makes affairs easy, especially for those who are flippant or naïve.

But many others, especially Christians in churches like Chase Oaks, are not flippant about it, or even naïve, but they still have affairs.

Years ago, one of our most well-known pastors, who was on the stage virtually every week, had an affair with another person who was on the platform virtually every week.

You would have never imagined it could happen, and they never would have imagined it would happen—but it did, and ended up destroying two families.

If you knew these two people, you’d know that none of us are immune from doing the same thing.

Actually, the people I’m most worried about today are not those who know that they are on shaky ground trying to stay faithful to their spouse.

I’m most worried about those of you who are thinking, “Oh, this is relevant to me.

I’d never cheat on my spouse.”

You are the most susceptible.

We need God’s perspective on affairs, how they happen and how to avoid them.

This is such a significant area of life that God devotes a good bit of biblical real estate to the topic, and today we are going to focus on one such place, the book of Proverbs.

Proverbs is Solomon talking to his sons, a father passing on wisdom to his sons, and in the book, multiple times he warns them about affairs.

He tells them to stay faithful to their wives, and not fall into the trap of adultery.

These are powerfully written passages, and I wish I had time to read them all.

But I do have time to read and explain and apply one such passage, and it is powerful—and we need to hear it.

As you listen to Solomon warn about the seductress, think of the woman as adultery itself, not so much a man or a woman.

He’s talking about how seductive an affair can be.

Here it is, from Proverbs 7.

 

Slide: ___________________________ ) Proverbs 7:1

/ /

/My son, keep my words and store up my commands within you.

Keep my commands and you will live./

/ /

Slide: ___________________________ ) Proverbs 7:5-10

/ /

/They will keep you from the adulteress, from the wayward wife with her seductive words.

At the window of my house I looked out through the lattice.

I saw among the simple, I noticed among the young men, a youth who lacked judgment.

He was going down the street near her corner, walking along in the direction of her house at twilight, as the day was fading, as the dark of night set in.

Then out came a woman to meet him, dressed like a prostitute and with crafty intent./

/ /

Slide: ______________________ ) Proverbs 7:13-27

/ /

/She took hold of him and kissed him and with a brazen face she said: "I have fellowship offerings at home; today I fulfilled my vows.

So I came out to meet you; I looked for you and have found you!

I have covered my bed with colored linens from Egypt.

I have perfumed my bed with myrrh, aloes and cinnamon.

Come, let's drink deep of love till morning; let's enjoy ourselves with love!

My husband is not at home; he has gone on a long journey.

He took his purse filled with money and will not be home till full moon."

With persuasive words she led him astray; she seduced him with her smooth talk.

All at once he followed her like an ox going to the slaughter, like a deer stepping into a noose till an arrow pierces his liver, like a bird darting into a snare, little knowing it will cost him his life.

Now then, my sons, listen to me; pay attention to what I say.

Do not let your heart turn to her ways or stray into her paths.

Many are the victims she has brought down; her slain are a mighty throng.

Her house is a highway to the grave, leading down to the chambers of death./

Let’s talk first about

 

Slide: ___________________________ ) *The Seduction of Affairs*

 

Nobody gets married planning to have an affair.

I’ve never done a wedding where the bride or groom is checking out other guys or girls at the wedding, trying to hook up with someone new.

I’m sure that happens, but 99.99% of people getting married never intend to have an affair.

Their eyes start out on their spouse.

Yet, over half those people will end up having an affair, doing something they never thought they would do.

Solomon’s story is of a young guy who falls into the seduction of the adulterer, who rationalizes something he thought he’d never do, to his own peril, and that happens all the time.

Over the years, I’ve talked to so many people who living in the shadow of a former affair, or who are in one as I meet with them, who have fallen for one rationalization or another.

They’ve fallen for the lies of the seductress of adultery.

I don’t know if I’ve heard them all, but I’ve heard a lot.

To expose the lies beforeheand might keep us from falling into the trap.

One such lie is, “I know it is wrong, but I deserve this.

I work so hard, and this is like a reward.”

I hear that to justify pornography a lot, and affairs too.

Another one is old but still very much in play, you complete it for me, “I’ve found my ____ ______.”

See, you’ve heard it.

Christians have told me, “This new person is the one God had in mind for me all along.