Sermon Tone Analysis

*A Few Thoughts on Mothers:*

 

1.

TYPE CASTING After years of hauling children, pets, groceries and camping gear, the family station wagon sputtered to a stop.

My wife told me she was ready for a change, but I didn’t realize how big a change until we got to the car dealer and she fell in love with a foreign sports car.

I pointed out, “But honey, this eight-passenger wagon over here has power steering, luggage rack and fold-down seats, all for the same price as the sports car.”

She glared resentfully at the big car.

She snapped, “I don’t like it.”

“But why not?” “It has ‘Mother’ written all over it!”

2.

SFMay87 A CHILD’S PERSPECTIVE A little boy was talking to the girl next door:  “I wonder what my mother would like for Mother’s Day.”

The girl answers:  “Well, you could promise to keep your room clean and orderly—you could go to bed as soon as she tells you—you could go to her as soon as she calls you—you could brush your teeth after eating you could quit fighting with your brothers and sisters, especially at the dinner table.”

The boy looked at her and said, “No, I mean something practical.”

3.

MY NAME IS A teacher had just given her second-grade class a lesson on magnets.

Now came the question session and she asked a little boy: “My name starts with an “M” and I pick up things.

What am I?”  The boy replied instantly, “A mother?”

4.

RETROSPECTIVE A little girl, shown pictures of her mom and dad on their wedding day asked her father, “Daddy, is that the day you got mom to come and work for us?”

 

5.

WHAT’S A GRANDMOTHER? BY A THIRD GRADER A grandmother is a lady who has no children of her own.

She likes other people’s little girls and boys.

A grandfather is a man grandmother.

He goes for walks with the boys, and they talk about fishing and stuff like that.

Grandmothers don’t have to do anything except to be there.

They’re old so they shouldn’t play hard or run.

It is enough if they drive us to the market where the pretend horse is, and have a lot of dimes ready.

Or if they take us for walks, they should slow down past things like pretty leaves and caterpillars.

They should never say “hurry-up.”

Usually grandmothers are fat, but not too fat to tie your shoes.

They wear glasses and funny underwear.

They can take their teeth and gums off.

Grandmothers don’t have to be smart, only answer questions like, “Why isn’t God married?” and “How come dogs chase cats?” Grandmothers don’t talk baby-talk like visitors do, because it is hard to understand.

When they read to us they don’t skip or mind if it is the same story over again.

Everybody should try to have a grandmother, especially if you don’t have television, because they are the only grown-ups who have time.

6.

NOTES TO MOTHER

Dear Mother:  I am going to make dinner for you for Mother’s Day.

It’s going to be a surprise.

Your daughter, Angie H., 8, Seattle.

P.

S. I hope you like pizza and popcorn.

Dear Mom: I got you a turtle for Mother’s Day.

I hope you like the turtle I got you this year for Mother’s Day better than the snake I got you for Mother’s Day last year.

Your son, Robert H., 8, Portland, Maine.

Dear Mother:  I wish Mother’s Day wasn’t always on Sunday.

It would be better if it was on Monday so we wouldn’t have to go to school.

Love, Aileen W. 9, Baltimore, Maryland.

Dear Mother:  I hope you like the flowers I got you for Mother’s Day.

I picked them myself when Mr. Smith wasn’t looking.

Your daughter, Diane P.  8, Cincinnati, Ohio.

Dear Mom:  Arthur and I promise not to fight all day for Mother’s Day.

Your son, Billy G., 9, Dallas, Texas.

Dear Mother:  Here is the box of candy I bought you for Mother’s Day.

It is very good candy because I already ate three of the pieces.

Love, Marcy C., 8, Washington.

Dear Mother:  Here are two aspirins.

Have a happy Mother’s Day.

Love Carole H., 8, Los Angeles, California.

7.

SFMay86 RECIPE FOR MOTHERS Preheat oven . . .

check for rubber balls or plastic “He-Men,” which might be lurking inside.

Clear counter of wooden blocks and “Key-Cars.”

Grease pan.

Crack nuts.

Measure flour . . .

remove Johnny’s hands from flour.

Re-measure flour.

Crack more nuts to replace those Johnny ate.

Sift flour, baking powder, and salt.

Get broom and dustpan.

Sweep up pieces of bowl Johnny knocked on floor (accidently).

Find a second bowl.

Answer doorbell.

Return to kitchen.

Remove Johnny’s hands from bowl.

Wash Johnny.

Answer telephone.

Return.

Remove one-half inch of salt from greased pan.

Call for Johnny.

Look for Johnny.

Give up on search.

Grease another pan.

Answer phone.

Return to kitchen and find Johnny.

Remove Johnny’s hands from bowl.

Remove layer of nut shells from greased pan.

Sternly turn to Johnny . . .

who knocks second bowl off counter while running away from you.

Wash kitchen floor and counter and dishes . . .

and walls.

Final scene:  Call bakery.

Place order.

Take two aspirin.

Lie down.

8.

Ancient Jewish Proverb: God could not be everywhere and therefore He made mothers.

9.

Mother is the name of God in the lips and hearts of little children.

10.

NEEDED—THE PERSONAL TOUCH A man stopped at a flower shop to order some flowers to be wired to his mother who lived two hundred miles away.

As he got out of his car he noticed a young girl sitting on the curb sobbing.

He asked her what was wrong and she replied:  “I wanted to buy a red rose for my mother.

But I only have 75 cents and a rose costs $2.00.”

The man smiled and said, “Come on in with me.

I’ll buy you a rose.”

He bought the little girl her rose and ordered his own mother’s flowers.

As they were leaving he offered the girl a ride home.

She said, “Yes, please!

Take me to my mother.”