God is Reconciling Relationships

As we continue our GOD’S NOT DEAD sermon series, we’ve seen how GOD’S NOT DEAD because He is still Transforming Lives, Helping Hurting People, and last week we saw how He is Solving People’s Problems. Today we are looking at how God is still Reconciling Relationships.

Let me ask,

How many you you have had a relationship that ended on a bad note?

High school - girl broke up by giving me a bible… ran over me with a car

A friend had one play, baby don’t get hooked on me...

Another had a girl break up with him saying the blessing at McDonalds.

Some of you may be experiencing a bad relationship right now. Don’t look to the right or left… Some relationships end due to bad decisions and some due to misunderstandings.

A couple was going out for the evening. The last thing they did was to put the cat out. The taxi arrived, and as the couple walked out of the house, the cat shoots back in. So the husband goes back inside to chase it out. The wife, not wanting it known that the house would be empty, explained to the taxi driver "He's just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother." A few minutes later, the husband got into the taxi and said, "Sorry I took so long, the stupid thing was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out!"

Jacob and Esau

The Bible has an amazing story about a relationship that definitely needed to be reconciled. In Genesis 25, we are introduced to two twins named Jacob and Esau. Their parents, Isaac and Rebekah, were not able to become pregnant so they prayed to the Lord and God blessed them with twins.

Even before they were born, Rebekah knew that the two of them would be trouble because the Lord told her that these two would be separated and that the older would serve the younger.

Trouble started early because the parents picked favorites: Isaac loved Esau and Rebekah loved Jacob.

Later when they were older, Jacob made Esau - who was the firstborn - sell his birthright for a bowl of stew. The birthright was a special honor given to the firstborn son. It was a double portion of the family inheritance and the honor of one day becoming the leader of the family. Esau showed contempt for that future blessing by being willing to sell it for basically a bowl of soup.

The trouble only continued when Jacob later also tricked Isaac into giving him his blessing by dressing up and pretending to be Esau. That’s where our story picks up so read with me about this broken relationship.

Genesis 27:41–45 NLT

41 From that time on, Esau hated Jacob because their father had given Jacob the blessing. And Esau began to scheme: “I will soon be mourning my father’s death. Then I will kill my brother, Jacob.” 42 But Rebekah heard about Esau’s plans. So she sent for Jacob and told him, “Listen, Esau is consoling himself by plotting to kill you. 43 So listen carefully, my son. Get ready and flee to my brother, Laban, in Haran. 44 Stay there with him until your brother cools off. 45 When he calms down and forgets what you have done to him, I will send for you to come back. Why should I lose both of you in one day?”

Everyone experiences conflict with other people and sometimes that conflict occurs between people who care about one another. Conflict can be caused by many things: fear; frustration; hurt; misunderstandings and many more.

Esau and Jacob experienced conflict because: Esau felt disregarded by Jacob; Jacob deceived their father; Jacob dishonored Esau; and Esau had destructive feelings towards Jacob.

I think we can understand Esau’s feelings toward Jacob, but unlike Esau, we should never hold onto feelings of hatred toward someone else, and should never think about how we can get them… in any way. Out of respect for his father, Esau decided not to kill Jacob while Isaac was alive, but he let it be known that it was just a matter of time until he exacted his revenge. Thankfully, deceptive people like Jacob can change.

Even the worst people can be transformed by the Lord and Jacob is in God’s Hall of Fame (Heb 11:21)

Hebrews 11:21 NLT

21 It was by faith that Jacob, when he was old and dying, blessed each of Joseph’s sons and bowed in worship as he leaned on his staff.

God was able to do a mighty work so that Jacob was able to finish well and find peace in his life. That teaches us of is that the person who has hurt and wronged us the most can be changed by the power of God, if we will pray for them rather than try to get even with them.

Let’s talk about the feelings of anger we get when others hurt us.

Unresolved anger is one of life’s most destructive emotions because it negatively affects our perspectives, our health, our relationships, our careers, and our relationship with God.

Proverbs 29:11 NLT

11 Fools vent their anger, but the wise quietly hold it back.

Realize that when you get angry, you are choosing to get angry.

We say, “you are making me so mad!” but we have more control over our anger than we care to admit. How do I know that? Have you ever been in an argument with your spouse? Tensions are high, voices are raised, and both of you are mad but what happens when the phone rings . . . hellooo? What happened? You turned your anger off. Anger is controllable but you must decide to manage it

Ephesians 4:26–27 NLT

26 And “don’t sin by letting anger control you.” Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry, 27 for anger gives a foothold to the devil.

Managing and controlling your anger is deciding beforehand what you will do. When you blood pressure is high, your face is red, and your fists are clenched, then it’s too late because you’ve already lost the battle. There is a right way and a wrong way to overcome anger.

To overcome anger, we must not suppress it or express it; but we must confess it as sin in our lives. (1 John 1:9)

Don’t suppress it by shoving it down deep inside. Suppressing anger is like trying to hold a basketball underwater - eventually it is going to explode to the surface. Don’t even repress it by pretending it’s not bothering you because while suppressed anger leads to an explosion, repressed anger leads to a depression. In either case, you are not overcoming your anger. The only healthy way, and the godly way, to overcome anger is to confess it.

1 John 1:9 NLT

9 But if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness.

You talk to God about it: “I’m hurt, I’m angry, I feel stressed, I feel scared, I’m frustrated, my life feels completely out of control.” Step one is confessing the hurt because God cannot bring supernatural healing to your life if you are pretending that you’ve never been hurt. But when we do confess our anger and hurt to the Lord and ask Him to forgive us for allowing it to remain in our lives, He can begin to work in mighty ways in our lives and relationships.

One of the ways we know God’s not dead is seeing how He is able to supernaturally reconcile relationships.

How can God reconcile broken relationships?

1. God helps us reconcile relationships when we seek forgiveness from others Gen 32:3-5)

JOKE - A woman bought a parrot for a pet. It was sold as a very intelligent bird but all the parrot ever did was curse and insult the woman. Finally one day she got fed up with the parrot and while it was cursing and screaming, the woman opened the freezer door and threw it in and closed the door. From inside, the parrot carried on for about 5 seconds but then it was suddenly quiet. The woman thought, "Oh no, I killed it!" She quickly opened the door and the parrot calmly walked out and said, "Ma’am, I would like to ask for your forgiveness for my bad behavior and promise you there will be no more of that. From now on, I will be a respectful, obedient parrot." "Well OK" she said. "you’re forgiven." The parrot then said "Thank you and may I ask a question?" Turning and pointing to the freezer, “What did the Chicken do?"

We know what Jacob did to create conflict in his relationship with Esau. He had tricked, taken advantage of and wronged Esau. But with all of that, God still blessed Jacob.

Now Jacob had been living far away from Esau (20 years) and he was doing great. He was wealthy and had a big family. But with all he had accomplished, Jacob realized he needed to return to his homeland and reconcile with his brother Esau.

He and his family camped in a place called Mahanaim which means “God’s Camp” or the place where God resides.

Genesis 32:3–5 NLT

3 Then Jacob sent messengers ahead to his brother, Esau, who was living in the region of Seir in the land of Edom. 4 He told them, “Give this message to my master Esau: ‘Humble greetings from your servant Jacob. Until now I have been living with Uncle Laban, 5 and now I own cattle, donkeys, flocks of sheep and goats, and many servants, both men and women. I have sent these messengers to inform my lord of my coming, hoping that you will be friendly to me.’ ”

Here Jacob is beginning the process of pursuing reconciliation with the brother he’d wronged. We all have some sort of Esau in our lives… someone who has hurt us or whom we have hurt. And our lives will not be filled with peace, joy and victory we want them to have until we address that “Esau” in our lives.

Who is the Esau in your life?

Here are some things that we learn from Jacob’s approach to reconciling a relationship.

Seeking forgiveness from others involves identifying the people we’ve harmed.

Jacob knew that he’d harmed his brother Esau, more than once. It wasn’t hard for him to identify whom he need to seek forgiveness from, who he needed to to reconcile with. But sometimes we’re not aware of who we need to reconcile with. So ask yourself these questions.

Are there people I have failed to firgive? ridiculed or rejected? abused verbally, emotionally, or physically? taken advantage of, lied to, been hypocritical of or failed to repay a debt to?

Right there in your sermon notes, make a list of people that the Holy Spirit brings to mind.

Seeking forgiveness from others involves conquering our fears (Gen 32:6-7)

Genesis 32:6–7 NLT

6 After delivering the message, the messengers returned to Jacob and reported, “We met your brother, Esau, and he is already on his way to meet you—with an army of 400 men!” 7 Jacob was terrified at the news. He divided his household, along with the flocks and herds and camels, into two groups.

Now, we can understand Jacob’s fear and terror. He’d really taken advantage of his own brother, and hadn’t done anything in 20+ years to rectify that wrong. He also remembered what a powerful man Esau was physically, and what a passionate man Esau was emotionally. Jacob knew that if Esau hadn’t changed even as he’d changed, that things were going to get ugly. And now with wives and children, he was afraid not only of what might happen to him, but also of what might happen to them. We can understand why Jacob was so fearful.

You’ve heard me say before that people struggle with all kinds of fears. They fear losing their health and their wealth. They fear losing their sanity and salvation. They fear losing their job and/or their friends. And they fear losing their family members. And when our family’s lives are possibly in danger, that’s the most fearful time of all.

There are some strange kinds of fears that people struggle with.

Some people struggle with Ablutophobia, the fear of washing or bathing).

There is Anuptaphobia, the fear of staying single.

There is Arachnophobia, the fear of spiders, and

Aviophobia, the fear of flying.

There is also Cibophobia, the fear of food. How many of you have never struggled with that type of fear?

There is Ecclessiophobia, the fear of going to church (I know lots of people who struggle with that type of fear),

Ergophobia, the fear of work (I know lots of others who struggle with that of fear.

There is Mageirocophobia, the fear of cooking (I don’t want to say anything right here), and even

Triskadekaphobia, the fear of the number 13.

Many of our fears are irrational fears that we think should be easy to overcome, but when it comes to our lives or our families lives being in danger, we can understand that kind of fear. But with God’s help we can overcome each and every fear.

We can’t let our fears keep us from doing what is right or from doing what it takes to reconcile with others. (2 Tim 1:7)

2 Timothy 1:7 NLT

7 For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.

Seeking forgiveness from others involves praying and seeking help. (Gen 32:9-12)

Genesis 32:9–12 NLT

9 Then Jacob prayed, “O God of my grandfather Abraham, and God of my father, Isaac—O Lord, you told me, ‘Return to your own land and to your relatives.’ And you promised me, ‘I will treat you kindly.’ 10 I am not worthy of all the unfailing love and faithfulness you have shown to me, your servant. When I left home and crossed the Jordan River, I owned nothing except a walking stick. Now my household fills two large camps! 11 O Lord, please rescue me from the hand of my brother, Esau. I am afraid that he is coming to attack me, along with my wives and children. 12 But you promised me, ‘I will surely treat you kindly, and I will multiply your descendants until they become as numerous as the sands along the seashore—too many to count.’ ”

Now, up to this point in his life Jacob had been more of a schemer than a prayer-er (just like some of you). He had been continually trying to solve his own problems and trying to handle relationships in his way. But now, with his back against the wall, Jacob becomes a man of prayer. And if we’re going to see our broken relationships healed and restored we’re going to have become people of prayer as well.

A Pastor was sitting in a chair talking to a Church member about a big issue the Church was facing. He asked, “What do you think we ought to do?” The Church member responded, “I really don’t know. It looks to me like we’re going to have to pray about this.” The Pastor jumped up from his chair in an obvious state of alarm and asked, “Has it come to that?

We need to pray first, not wait until the situation gets to that. Too often we try to figure out our own solutions and when everything has failed, we pray. If we pray first we will have fewer emergency prayers.

God will always fix the situation better than we can. He can do more in a moment to soften someones heart than we can do in a life time. So, if we really want to reconcile relationships, we better begin with and continue with prayer. When we do that, we will see that God is a prayer answering, miracle working God.

Pursuing forgiveness from others involves wrestling with God about our issues (Gen 32:22-32)

There is a great story in Gen 32 where Jacob was to meet Esau. Jacob met with God in an unusual way. He was tyring his best to sleep, when all of a sudden someone grabbed him in the darkness.

Have you ever been grabbed in the dark? We either punch someone or scream like a little kid.

When that happened to Jacob, fearful Jacob became fighting Jacob, and he wrestled with this person, who happened to be the Lord Himself, all night, until finally the Lord just reached out and rendered Jacob helpless. Now, I don’t have time to unpack that whole story for you, but here is the gist of what we learn from that story.

Here is the point or gist of the story.

Dealing with our issues requires admitting the problems we struggle with. (Pro 28:13)

Proverbs 28:13 NLT

13 People who conceal their sins will not prosper, but if they confess and turn from them, they will receive mercy.

Dealing with our issues requires submitting our problems to the Lord.(Ps 55:22)

Psalm 55:22 NLT

22 Give your burdens to the Lord, and he will take care of you. He will not permit the godly to slip and fall.

Dealing with our issues requires surrendering our wills to the Lord.

What really happened that night was that Jacob surrendered everything to the Lord.

He surrendered his wants to the Lord. He surrendered his ways to the Lord. And from that moment on he went from being a deceitful man to a dynamic man of God.

And when you and I are willing, like Jacob, to surrender our all to the Lord, God will work mightily in our lives, for our lives, and even through our lives and use us to reconcile relationships.

Pursuing forgiveness from others involves asking forgiveness from those we have harmed. (Mt 5:23-24)

So, the day dawns, and Jacob is preparing to meet Esau (Genesis 33). He’s made things right with the Lord, and now he’s ready to make things right with Esau. We should all have the mindset that we’ve got to do everything we can to make things right with those we’ve wronged. Jesus talked about that in His great Sermon on the Mount.

Matthew 5:23–24 NLT

23 “So if you are presenting a sacrifice at the altar in the Temple and you suddenly remember that someone has something against you, 24 leave your sacrifice there at the altar. Go and be reconciled to that person. Then come and offer your sacrifice to God.

Broken relationships will hinder our relationship with God and need to be resolved as quickly as possible. Matthew 5 tells us if your brother has something against you, you are to go first and attempt reconciliation. Matthew 18 tells us if you have something against your brother, you are to go first and attempt reconciliation. So whether you have offended or someone has offended you, if you are a follower of Jesus Christ, you have the responsibility to go and make it right.

The bible teaches us that

We must seek forgiveness from others at the right time. (ECCL 8:6)

Ecclesiastes 8:6 NLT

6 for there is a time and a way for everything, even when a person is in trouble.

IOW, don’t drop a bomb on someone. Don’t try to reconcile with someone while they’re rushing out door, trying to go to sleep, tending to a sick relative, or going through a personal crisis. You try to reconcile with someone when it’s best for them, not when it’s best for you.

We must seek forgiveness from others for the right reason (Gal 6:1-2)

Galatians 6:1–2 NLT

1 Dear brothers and sisters, if another believer is overcome by some sin, you who are godly should gently and humbly help that person back onto the right path. And be careful not to fall into the same temptation yourself. 2 Share each other’s burdens, and in this way obey the law of Christ.

We should only go to seek forgiveness from someone if we believe that it would bring healing to their lives. Remember, there are some situations where it would be unwise to contact the ones we’ve hurt.

The 6th step of recovery says that we should seek to reconcile with others “except when to do so would harm others.

We must seek forgiveness from others with the right attitude (Mt 7:3-5)

Matthew 7:3–5 NLT

3 “And why worry about a speck in your friend’s eye when you have a log in your own? 4 How can you think of saying to your friend, ‘Let me help you get rid of that speck in your eye,’ when you can’t see past the log in your own eye? 5 Hypocrite! First get rid of the log in your own eye; then you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friend’s eye.

How would you like someone to apologize to you? Privately? Humbly? Sincerely? Honestly – simply saying what they did was wrong without trying to make any excuse for it?

Listen, when we go to make amends with someone, we should be just going to clear up our side of the ledger. Don’t try to justify your actions or try to blame others. Focus on your part in the problem and don’t expect anything back from the person you’re seeking forgiveness from.

Listen to me carefully. Many times people will forgive you when you sincerely, humbly and brokenly ask for forgiveness. Most of the time they will. But when they won’t forgive you, you have still done your part. And know that the Lord will be working on them to change their heart and mind regarding you.

2. God helps us reconcile relationships when show forgiveness to others. (Gen 33:1-4)

Jacob had wronged Esau. Esau had vowed to kill Jacob. They’d been separate for many years. Jacob was returning to reconcile with Esau. He heard that Esau was coming to meet him with 400 men. In his fear, Jacob prayed to the Lord, wrestled with the Lord, and surrendered to the Lord. Then daylight came.

Genesis 33:1–4 NLT

1 Then Jacob looked up and saw Esau coming with his 400 men. So he divided the children among Leah, Rachel, and his two servant wives. 2 He put the servant wives and their children at the front, Leah and her children next, and Rachel and Joseph last. 3 Then Jacob went on ahead. As he approached his brother, he bowed to the ground seven times before him. 4 Then Esau ran to meet him and embraced him, threw his arms around his neck, and kissed him. And they both wept.

What an incredible story of reconciliation we have here. Esau couldn’t overcome his hurt towards Jacob. Jacob couldn’t undo the wrong that he’d done to Esau. But God can change everyone and everything, and in our story we find that when Jacob surrendered to the Lord, God changed Esau’s heart, and God enabled Jacob and Esau to miraculously reconcile their relationship. Now, we’ve talked about seeking forgiveness from others like Jacob did.

How do we learn to forgive those who have hurt us like Esau did?

Forgiving others requires recognizing our hurt (Psa 139:23-24)

We can forgive those who have hurt us by being honest about it and admitting we’ve been hurt by others. If you honestly have a hard time recognizing hurt, just ask God to reveal it to you.

Psalm 139:23–24 NLT

23 Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. 24 Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life.

Remember, we’ve got options when it comes to hurt. We can repress it - just ignore it and push it away and pretend it doesn’t exist. We can say, “It’s no big deal, it doesn’t matter or they did the best they could.” That way never works. It always pops out in some other form of compulsion in our lives.

We can express our hurts… letting everyone know how hurt we are… posting it on Social media… trying to manipulate others.

OR We can confess our hurts… simply admitting that we are hurt and that we need God’s help in overcoming our hurts. There is no closure without disclosure.

Forgiving others requires releasing our offenders

This means we let them go. We let go of the hurt.

How do we release our hurt and our offenders?

You release them by forgiving them.

You don’t wait for them to ask for forgiveness and you do it whether they ask you for forgiveness or not because you are not doing it for their sake. You’re doing it for your sake because God has forgiven you and holding on to resentment only keeps you from God’s blessing.

Rick Warren tells a story of a woman going through a very ugly divorce. The stress was so bad that she began to go blind in one eye. The doctors said that damage done was irreversible and that nothing could be done. One day in service, she was convicted about her un-forgiveness and prayed, “God, I reveal my hurt and release my offender. I let them go.” She walked out of the church building and when she hit sunlight, she began to see clearly. Even the doctors said it was a miracle - and when we let go of our resentment, God will perform miracles in our lives as well.

People ask, how many times should we forgive someone? Look at what Jesus said in Matt 18:21-22

Matthew 18:21–22 NLT

21 Then Peter came to him and asked, “Lord, how often should I forgive someone who sins against me? Seven times?” 22 “No, not seven times,” Jesus replied, “but seventy times seven!

This is not a one-time thing - you will have to do this over and over. Feelings keep coming back and every time you get those feelings, you have to forgive the person all over again. Every time those thoughts and feelings come to mind, you must forgive them again. Jesus said, “Over and over and over and over” we need to forgive people. Every time those thoughts and feelings come to mind, you must forgive them again until you know that you have released them fully. That may take 3 times, it may take 30 times, or it may take 300 times.

How do you know when you have fully released an offender?

- When you can think about them and it doesn’t hurt anymore –

- when you can pray God’s blessing upon their life –

- when you begin to look at them and understand their hurt rather than just focusing on how they hurt you.

Joke – ILL Two brothers, Harry & James, had finished supper, and while they were playing Harry hit James. Tears and bitter words followed. Charges & accusations were still being exchanged as their mother put them to bed. She said, “Now, James, before you go to bed, you’re going to have to forgive your brother.” James said, “OK, I’ve forgiven him tonight. But if I don’t die before I wake up, he’d better look out in the morning.”

Don’t be like that. We need to forgive & forgive & forgive till we’re not angry or hurt anymore, till we’ve forgiven others as many times as the Lord has forgiven us.

Recognizing our hurt / releasing our offenders

Forgiving others requires replacing our hurt with God’s Peace. (Col 3:15)

Colossians 3:15 NLT

15 And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace. And always be thankful.

Some people struggle with this because it feels like you are letting the person off the hook. They’re not getting away with it because you’re letting God settle the score and He can do a much better job of settling a score than we can. A desire for revenge is really a lack of faith in God; you are telling God, “I can do a better job at achieving justice than You.” Let God have the last word because the Bible tells us that one day, everyone will have to give an account for their life, and every sin will be punished.

Wild “Revenge stories.”

In 1992, Lady Sarah Graham Moon, was dumped by her British aristocratic husband. She sought to get even with her unfaithful spouse. She poured gallons of paint on his cherished BMW while it was parked in his girlfriend’s driveway. She cut 4 inches off the left sleeve on 32 of her husband’s custom-tailored $1600 Savile Row suits. She gave away 60 bottles of his most expensive wine.

Other ladies heard what she had done & sent in their stories.

1 lady wrote how she cleaned the toilet with her unfaithful husband’s toothbrush, then watched with delight as he brushed his teeth.

One story that topped them all was the sweet revenge of Vera Czermak. Upon learning that her husband had betrayed her, she became suicidal and jumped to her death from 3rd floor apartment in Prague. Surprisingly, she survived the jump because she landed on her husband who was standing beneath the window and killed him instead.

Stories like that may sound like sweet revenge, but revenge is never really sweet. Only way going to have peace and joy of the Lord in our lives is to Recognize our Hurt, Release our Offenders & Replace our Hurt with God’s peace.

We should forgive and reconcile with others because of the forgiveness we’ve received from the Lord.

Who in here has experienced the forgiveness from the Lord? How many are glad he is a forgiving God?

Colossians 3:13 NLT

13 Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.

When you remember just how much the Lord has forgiven and continues to forgive you, it is a whole lot easier to forgive other people. Thankfully you will never have to forgive anyone else more than the Lord has forgiven you.

We should forgive and reconcile with others because resentment is foolish. (Job 5:2)

Job 5:2 NLT

2 Surely resentment destroys the fool, and jealousy kills the simple.

Refusing to forgive someone is like you drinking poison and hoping it hurts the other person. You may be upset, aggravated, and stressed with ulcers, lack of sleep, and headaches but the other person you’re mad at isn’t upset at all. Resentment is like a cancer that eats you alive and always ends up hurting yourself more than other people.

We should forgive and reconcile with others because we will need forgiveness again in the future. (Mark 11:25)

Mark 11:25 NLT

25 But when you are praying, first forgive anyone you are holding a grudge against, so that your Father in heaven will forgive your sins, too.”

The Bible teaches us that we cannot receive what we are not willing to give. In the Model Prayer, one translation says, “and forgive us of our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.” A little girl once prayed that prayer and said, “And forgive us of our trash baskets as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets.”

Are you willing to pray, “Lord, forgive me in the same way I forgive everyone else”? We should because forgiveness is a two-way street. And Jesus said, that if we won’t forgive others, He won’t forgive us.

Ask yourself,

What steps do I need to take to reconcile the relationships in my life? ask forgiveness? give forgiveness?

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