Family Disgrace (Part 1)
Samuel • Sermon • Submitted • Presented
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Introduction
Introduction
If you were with us last week, you may remember that God told David that because of his sin with Bathsheba there were be strife within his family. In 2 Samuel 12:10-12.
Now, therefore, the sword will never depart from your house, because you despised me and took the wife of Uriah the Hittite to be your own.’ “This is what the Lord says: ‘Out of your own household I am going to bring calamity on you. Before your very eyes I will take your wives and give them to one who is close to you, and he will sleep with your wives in broad daylight. You did it in secret, but I will do this thing in broad daylight before all Israel.’ ”
So the Lord placed multiple punishments on David.
The sword will never depart from your house. David will have strife within his family.
David will lose his wives to someone close to him. And the act of treachery will be done in broad daylight, and before all of Israel.
Now, if you remember that the book of Samuel (which includes both 1st and 2nd Samuel) was originally shared orally. Then eventually these oral stories were written down. So when we come to chapter 13, we begin to get a glimpse of the family dysfunction that God spoke of.
So if you have your Bibles, I want to encourage you to turn with me to 2 Samuel chapter 13, and we’ll begin reading with verse 1.
Amnon & Tamar
Amnon & Tamar
In the course of time, Amnon son of David fell in love with Tamar, the beautiful sister of Absalom son of David.
In the course of time—is a time marker. It literally means, Some time later.
Prince Amnon, David’s oldest son, fell in love with Princess Tamar. They were 1/2 siblings—meaning they had the same father, but different mothers.
We are also told that Tamar was the full sister of Absalom.
Amnon became so obsessed with his sister Tamar that he made himself ill. She was a virgin, and it seemed impossible for him to do anything to her.
Now we are told that Amnon obsessed over Tamar. This obsession had nothing to do with love, and everything to do with lustful, and sinful desire of Amnon. This obsession also implies that he was constantly trying to figure out how he could get her alone to fulfill his fantasy—but it has NOTHING to do with love!
He obsessed over her so much that he literally made himself sick.
We are told that Tamar was a virgin—which probably meant she was kept away from her brothers.
Thus, it proved difficult for Amnon to get Tamar alone.
Enter another character.
Enter another character.
Now Amnon had an adviser named Jonadab son of Shimeah, David’s brother. Jonadab was a very shrewd man.
Amnon had a cousin—Jonadab. He was the son of Uncle Shimeah.
We’re also told that he was very shrewd—or clever—as we’ll see he is very shrewd or clever but NOT in a good way!
What’s wrong with Amnon?
What’s wrong with Amnon?
Now Jonadab wants to know what’s going on with Amnon, Look at verse 4
He asked Amnon, “Why do you, the king’s son, look so haggard morning after morning? Won’t you tell me?” Amnon said to him, “I’m in love with Tamar, my brother Absalom’s sister.”
Why do you look so haggard—sullen, powerless, dejected, depressed—every morning. This is actually a euphemism—why are you of all people so depressed—the idea is that he is the son of the king and he had EVERYTHING at his disposal. In his opinion, Amnon has nothing to make him so sad and depressed!
The problem!— “I’m in love with Tamar!”
I’ve Got A Plan
I’ve Got A Plan
This is no problem for Jonadab, because he has a plan! An evil, deceptive, ugly plan to get the two of them alone.
“Go to bed and pretend to be ill,” Jonadab said. “When your father comes to see you, say to him, ‘I would like my sister Tamar to come and give me something to eat. Let her prepare the food in my sight so I may watch her and then eat it from her hand.’ ”
First, you pretend to be really sick!
When your father asks if there is anything he can do to help you feel better, you ask him to send Tamar to cook something for you.
You ask for her to cook it in front of you—so you can watch her, and so you can eat the food right out of her hand.
Plan In Action
Plan In Action
This is a pretty devious plan. So when you come to verse 6, Amnon puts Jonadab’s plan into action.
So Amnon lay down and pretended to be ill. When the king came to see him, Amnon said to him, “I would like my sister Tamar to come and make some special bread in my sight, so I may eat from her hand.”
And, as you might guess, David suspects nothing and complies with Amnon’s request.
David sent word to Tamar at the palace: “Go to the house of your brother Amnon and prepare some food for him.”
Now Tamar cannot refuse her father, nor can she refuse the king. But she too is unaware of Amnon’s devious plan.
So Tamar went to the house of her brother Amnon, who was lying down. She took some dough, kneaded it, made the bread in his sight and baked it. Then she took the pan and served him the bread, but he refused to eat. “Send everyone out of here,” Amnon said. So everyone left him.
Tamar goes to Amnon’s house.
He finds her “sick in bed.”
So she takes bread dough and begins to prepare it—kneading it, and baking it in front of Amnon.
Then she takes the pan to serve it to him, but!
Amnon won’t eat it.
Instead, he orders everyone out of the house.
Then Amnon said to Tamar, “Bring the food here into my bedroom so I may eat from your hand.” And Tamar took the bread she had prepared and brought it to her brother Amnon in his bedroom.
Once everyone has left and the house is empty,
Amnon tells Tamar to bring the food into his bedroom, “so I may eat from your hand. . .”
Tamar does what her brother requests, and takes the bread she had prepared into Amnon’s bedroom.
And that’s when Amnon makes his move!
But when she took it to him to eat, he grabbed her and said, “Come to bed with me, my sister.”
When Tamar goes into his room to give him something to eat. . .
Amnon grabs her and says, “Come to bed with me, my sister.”
“No, my brother!” she said to him. “Don’t force me! Such a thing should not be done in Israel! Don’t do this wicked thing. What about me? Where could I get rid of my disgrace? And what about you? You would be like one of the wicked fools in Israel. Please speak to the king; he will not keep me from being married to you.”
Tamar begs her brother to not do such a thing.
First she tells him he shouldn’t force her.
Second, she reminds him that this kind of things should not be done in Israel.
Next, she reminds him that to do such an act is a wicked thing to do.
When that doesn’t work—she says, “What about me?” She asks Amnon to consider what he is doing to her—his sister!
She reminds him that to have sex outside of marriage is a heinous thing—how could she get rid of her disgrace—answer there is no way!
Finally, she appeals to Amnon’s integrity—to do such a thing would make him like one of the fools of Israel!
Then she gives him an option: He could speak to king David and ask for permission for him to marry her.
Amnon’s Answer?
Amnon’s Answer?
But he refused to listen to her, and since he was stronger than she, he raped her.
Nothing will change his mind!
So he continues with his plan, and rapes her!
But when he has gotten what he wants—he hates her! Look at verse 15.
Then Amnon hated her with intense hatred. In fact, he hated her more than he had loved her. Amnon said to her, “Get up and get out!”
He hated her with “intense hatred!”
In fact, his hatred was more intense than his lust for her had been.
The hatred is so intense that he orders her to get out.
Tamar’s Second Plea
Tamar’s Second Plea
“No!” she said to him. “Sending me away would be a greater wrong than what you have already done to me.” But he refused to listen to her.
Once again she begins to plead with him.
She tells him that sending her away would add insult to injury. It would be a greater wrong than the wrong he has already committed against her!
But once again, he refuses to listen to her!
Just when you think it could not get any worse:
Just when you think it could not get any worse:
He called his personal servant and said, “Get this woman out of my sight and bolt the door after her.” So his servant put her out and bolted the door after her. She was wearing an ornate robe, for this was the kind of garment the virgin daughters of the king wore.
Amnon calls for his servant and orders him to throw Tamar out of his house.
Then the servant bolts the door—so Tamar could not reenter the house.
Tamar’s Shame
Tamar’s Shame
Tamar is thrown out wearing the ornate robe that told the world she was the king’s daughter and a virgin.
Tamar put ashes on her head and tore the ornate robe she was wearing. She put her hands on her head and went away, weeping aloud as she went.
Tamar put ashes on her head—a sign of intense sorrow.
—Sorrow for losing her virginity,
—Sorrow for the fact that Amnon wouldn’t marry her,
—And sorrow for the fact that she is now damaged goods and will most likely never marry!
She tore the ornate robe she was wearing—again a sign of mourning, sorrow, and grief.
She puts her hands on her head—and ran home weeping loudly as she went.
This is an intense scene. It is intense because of Tamar’s sorrow, and her hurt. It is intense because of Amnon’s total disregard of her sister and of the greatness of his sin.
Absalom’s Immediate Response
Absalom’s Immediate Response
Her brother Absalom said to her, “Has that Amnon, your brother, been with you? Be quiet for now, my sister; he is your brother. Don’t take this thing to heart.” And Tamar lived in her brother Absalom’s house, a desolate woman.
Absalom seems to know what has happened!
He receives confirmation from Tamar
Then tells her to be quiet for now—because Amnon is her brother—the idea here is that she doesn’t need to tell anyone. It is implied that Absalom was going to avenge her disgrace. As a full brother that was actually his responsibility.
He also tells her not to take this thing to heart—that seems almost impossible! This was the most heinous thing that could have been done to her. But again, the statement implies that Absalom will take care of her—and will take care of the situation!
Finally, we are told that Tamar lived with her brother Absalom and was a “desolate woman.” This is a Hebrew term that means she remained unmarried and without child the rest of her life—this was a “living death” for a Jewish woman (cf. 20:3).
David Finds Out
David Finds Out
When King David heard all this, he was furious.
David’s response is that he is furious. But he does not invoke the penalty ascribed by the Levitical law—which was death by stoning.
—David may have avoided the punishment because people may have seen him as a hypocrite—after all he had deserved the same punishment.
—David may have avoid the punishment because Amnon was his first born son.
Whatever the reason, Amnon’s deed goes unpunished which made Tamar’s disgrace even greater.
Absalom’s Response
Absalom’s Response
And Absalom never said a word to Amnon, either good or bad; he hated Amnon because he had disgraced his sister Tamar.
Absalom doesn’t say a word to Amnon. Nothing good or bad—not a word. Perhaps Amnon thought he had gotten away with is deed. Maybe he thought no one knew.
But Absalom Hated Amnon because of his deeds.
Absalom’s Revenge
Absalom’s Revenge
Absalom bides his time before carrying out his revenge on Amnon
Two years later, when Absalom’s sheepshearers were at Baal Hazor near the border of Ephraim, he invited all the king’s sons to come there. Absalom went to the king and said, “Your servant has had shearers come. Will the king and his attendants please join me?” “No, my son,” the king replied. “All of us should not go; we would only be a burden to you.” Although Absalom urged him, he still refused to go but gave him his blessing. Then Absalom said, “If not, please let my brother Amnon come with us.” The king asked him, “Why should he go with you?” But Absalom urged him, so he sent with him Amnon and the rest of the king’s sons.
Two years pass!
Absalom is shearing sheep near the border of Ephraim.
He invites all of the kings sons to come and celebrate.
And Absalom also invited the king! But the kin said he could not go—but he gave Absalom his blessing to continue with his plans.
So Absalom asks the king to send Amnon in his place.
David is a bit leery of the idea but after receiving prodding from Absalom, David sends Amnon along with the rest of the king’s sons to Absalom.
Absalom ordered his men, “Listen! When Amnon is in high spirits from drinking wine and I say to you, ‘Strike Amnon down,’ then kill him. Don’t be afraid. Haven’t I given you this order? Be strong and brave.”
The plan!
The plan!
—Get Amnon drinking—and get him drunk.
—Then when the order is given Absalom’s men are to kill Amnon.
—The men don’t need to worry about being punished because they are “just following orders.”
—All they need to do is to be strong and brave!
The execution of the plan!
The execution of the plan!
So Absalom’s men did to Amnon what Absalom had ordered. Then all the king’s sons got up, mounted their mules and fled.
Absalom’s men execute his plan—and Amnon is killed.
All o the other sons get on their mules and flee! They are running for their lives!
David’s Fear
David’s Fear
While they were on their way, the report came to David: “Absalom has struck down all the king’s sons; not one of them is left.”
Before the king’s sons arrive back at Jerusalem, David receives word that Absalom has killed ALL of David’s sons.
In fact, he is told “not one of them is left.”
The king stood up, tore his clothes and lay down on the ground; and all his attendants stood by with their clothes torn.
The king gets up, and in intense grief he tears his clothes and lies down on the ground—again a sign of deep loss and sadness.
All of David’s attendants also tear their clothes.
Enter Jonadab again!
Enter Jonadab again!
But Jonadab son of Shimeah, David’s brother, said, “My lord should not think that they killed all the princes; only Amnon is dead. This has been Absalom’s express intention ever since the day Amnon raped his sister Tamar.
Don’t worry—Absalom did not kill ALL of the king’s sons.
He only killed Amnon.
Killing him has been Absalom’s intention ever since he raped his sister, Tamar!
My lord the king should not be concerned about the report that all the king’s sons are dead. Only Amnon is dead.”
Don’t worry about the others—they are NOT dead.
ONLY Amnon is dead!
Absalom Flees
Absalom Flees
Meanwhile, Absalom had fled. Now the man standing watch looked up and saw many people on the road west of him, coming down the side of the hill. The watchman went and told the king, “I see men in the direction of Horonaim, on the side of the hill.”
Absalom is now on the run—he flees.
The watchman is looking and he sees a lot of people on the road to the west coming towards Jerusalem.
He—the watchman—reports this news to the king.
He sees men in the direction of Horonaim, coming down the hillside.
Jonadab said to the king, “See, the king’s sons have come; it has happened just as your servant said.”
Jonadab says, “See I told you, that you had nothing to worry about. Her comes your sons! It is just as I said!”
As he finished speaking, the king’s sons came in, wailing loudly. The king, too, and all his attendants wept very bitterly.
As Jonadab finishes speaking—the king’s sons came in.
They were wailing loudly—crying loudly!
The king also wept bitterly
As did all of the king’s attendants.
Absalom fled and went to Talmai son of Ammihud, the king of Geshur. But King David mourned many days for his son. After Absalom fled and went to Geshur, he stayed there three years.
Absalom fled to Talmai (tal my) the son of Ammihud (Am my hood) king of Geshur.
David mourned for his son—Amnon—for many days.
But Absalom fled to Geshur and stayed there for 3 years.
And King David longed to go to Absalom, for he was consoled concerning Amnon’s death.
David was consoled concerning Amnon’s death.
And he longed to be restored to Absalom.
SO WHAT?
SO WHAT?
This is a great story. But what do we learn from it?
We learn that God nothing escapes God’s view. There are NO private moments in life. You think you may be doing something in secret, but God sees everything.
God not only decrees the punishment for our sin, but He carries it out! The disintegration of David’s family is tied to his “secret sin” with Bathsheba.
The punishment that we receive from God often effects more than just us!
I am reminded that God is the God of reconciliation.