Faithlife Corporation

Building the King in our Kids

Notes & Transcripts

“Building the King in our Kids”

As parents I believe the worst mistake we can make is not see the king in our kids.

The earlier you discover who you are the better you will be and the sooner it will come to past.  David was anointed some say as early as 10.  But no one is exactly sure.  But the point is that God made it known to David at an early age who he was to becomeEc 12:1 Remember now thy Creator in the days of thy youth, while the evil days come not, nor the years draw nigh, when thou shalt say, I have no pleasure in them;

What you are to become may not be visible early in your life.  Judge Mathis was a thug on the street who landed in jail but became one of the most well known judges of our time.  God is not much on starts.  He says your latter day shall be better than your former days.

But before I kids can walk in their anointing it is important for them to experience life.  Even though David was anointed as a teenager it wasn’t until he was 30 that he actually became king.

àAllow your children to struggle.  We must not do everything for our children.  Allow them to struggle a little.  The story about  the man and the caterpillar.  Whenever you are taking the struggle out you are taking out the ability to fly.  If you take away the struggle then you take away the destiny.

àThere is a fine line between protecting and stifling. If a child is born with, or develops a disability, it is extremely important for the parents not to over-protect the child, which can make the child feel that she is different in a negative way. A Spina Bifida sufferer I know, for example, told me about the isolation that she felt as a result of her parents' overprotectiveness. She said, "Although I was an outgoing person and had no problems making friends, my parents never allowed me to join them on outings or social events because they were afraid of something happening to me. As a result, my friends eventually stopped inviting me to take part in group activities and that was a dreadful blow to my self-esteem. Personally, I didn't view myself as any different to say, someone who was short-sighted or someone with eczema. Nobody's perfect, so who's to say that my disability puts me at more of a disadvantage to anyone else? I also think that my parents thought I would be a burden on the others and they didn't feel it was right to put the responsibility for my welfare in their hands. Being made to feel that you are a burden on others totally saps your confidence and feelings of self-worth."

àWe have to give our children room to fall; room to make mistakes; room to work things out for themselves in their own time


Discipline Builds Self-Esteem (It is all about belonging)

An undisciplined child will inevitably grow up with poor self-esteem. He will encounter rules and regulations outside of the home environment and will find it very difficult to conform if his parents have not regulated his behaviour. The undisciplined child will probably have no respect for his parents, let alone anyone else and particularly not those in positions of authority. As a result he will often find himself in trouble and the resultant chastisement will lower his self-esteem further.

Parents who allow their children to do as they please and who don't reprimand them for bad behaviour are not being kind. On the contrary, they are mapping out a life of difficulty for their offspring, with the likelihood that the child will encounter disapproval wherever he goes because of his inability to respect, nor understand, rules and limits.

Naturally, discipline has to be adapted according to the age of the child. A two-year-old, for example, cannot be disciplined in the same manner as a teenager because their powers of understanding are vastly different. A toddler will only just be grasping the concept of right and wrong, whereas a teenager should (in theory) have a clear understanding of what is and isn't acceptable behaviour.

Praise and Self-Esteem (Overpraise vs Underpraise)  Keep healthy balance.

Continual praise builds self-esteem, right? Not exactly, no. Whilst it is important to let children know that they are appreciated by recognising effort and achievement, overpraising a child for everything that they do can end up becoming meaningless. They may learn to stop trying because they know that their parents think that everything they do is wonderful, which is laying the foundations for eventual failure. They may become dependent on constant praise for motivation and may end up not achieving anything in life as a result. Parents should encourage their children to capitalise on their individual strengths, help them to learn new skills, give praise where praise is due and teach them to accept their weaknesses without viewing them as failings.

Effort and achievement should be encouraged, but without pressuring the child to do well. Every child's personal best is different and each child should be praised according to the effort that they have put in. A child who comes last in a school sports' day race, but who has given their best, deserves as much praise as the natural born athlete who wins the race. It is also important to teach your child that coming last does not mean failure and that it's perfectly normal to make mistakes. The child who believes that is more like to have high self-esteem than the child whose parents have taught him that it is wrong to fail, or that winning is most important. Parents whose expectations of their children are too high will not encourage healthy self-esteem.  The issue is prevalent in the church as we encourage them often to be too holy too soon.

Points for building the king in your child

* Improve your own self-esteem. Parents with low self-esteem may pass their insecurities onto their children

* Build on your child's positive aspects and talents, rather than focusing on what they can't do. Constant criticism destroys self-esteem. We can't all excel at the same tasks, but it is important to praise a child if you know that he or she has given their best effort

* Listen to your child. Their interests and worries may seem trivial to you, in the same way that yours may seem inconsequential to them, but listening and understanding is one of the most important self-esteem building exercises you can employ. If a child is ignored, he may act badly to attract attention to himself, or else may become withdrawn, believing that he is not important enough for anyone to take notice of him

* Asking for a child's opinion on an issue makes them feel valued and important, rather than taking the attitude of, "You're only a child, what do you know?" Children are far more perceptive than we give them credit for

* Tell your child that you love him or her on a regular basis

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