The Perfect Pastor
The perfect pastor has been found! Here are his characteristics:
1. Preaches exactly 20 minutes and follows it with an invitation in which everyone is convicted but no one is offended.
2. Works from 7:00 a.m. to 10:00 p.m. in every type of work from counseling to custodial service.
3. 27 years old with 30 years of preaching experience.
4. Tall and short.
5. Thin and heavy set.
6. Handsome but not overpowering.
7. One brown eye and one blue eye.
8. Hair is parted in the middle and is straight on one side and wavy on the other side, with a balding spot on top revealing his maturity.
9. Has a burning desire to work with teenagers and spends all his time with the older folks.
10. He smiles constantly with a straight and sober face because he has a sense of humor that keeps him seriously at his work.
11. Invests 25 hours a week in sermon preparation, 20 hours in counseling, 10 hours in meetings, five hours in emergencies, 20 hours in visitation and evangelism, 6 hours in weddings and funerals, 30 hours in prayer and meditation, 12 hours in letter writing, and administration, and 10 hours in creative thinking.
12. Spends 5 evenings at home with his family, plus a day off, and always stops for interruptions.
13. A seminary graduate, but uses only one- and two-syllable words.
14. Makes 15 calls a day.
15. Spends all his time evangelizing the unchurched.
16. Attends all retreats, goes to all youth retreats.
17. Is always available in his office.
18. His kids are perfect.
19. His mother is rich.
20. His wife plays the piano.
21. His house is large.
22. His back account is small.
23. His car is in the shop.
24. He is paid too much, too little, and he gives it all away.
25. He is talented, gifted, scholarly, practical, popular, compassionate, understanding, patient, level headed, dependable, loving, caring, neat, organized, cheerful, and above all, humble.