Anger: Handling a Powerful Emotion in a Healthy Way
Dr. Gary Chapman
study led by Pastor Jim Goforth
Review of Chapter 7
We are using a companion to the word of God on this issue. The Book by Dr. Gary Chapman, Anger: Handling a Powerful Emotion in a Healthy Way. If you do not have a copy I recommend you buy one on line or let us order you one. Download one to your computer, smartphone, or book reader.
Our author says that anger is rooted in the in the NATURE OF GOD.
What are the two aspects of God’s nature that are involved in Anger? His Holiness and His Love
What does Dr. Chapman say that Anger is designed to Do at the beginning of Chapter Two? Human anger is designed by God to motivate us to take constructive action in the face of wrongdoing or when facing injustice (p22)
In Chapter 7
Dr. Chapman says that wrongs are not forgotten unless they are processed
Anger that is not processed can result in depression
- He encouraged us to make a list of people who have wronged us
- And get rid of the list after giving them to God
- He reminds us - "Vengeance Belongs to God"
Vengeance is always an act by a Holy God to dole out justice on those who have sinned against what is good and right. It is always a decision made by God alone. It always has a purpose and a time
I want to take you back to my message from Luke 17:1-10 and remind you of the principles there and give a chance for some give and take on thoughts or questions you might have.
Must I Forgive?
1-3 … so not to give room for other sins
as often as they ask
What is your response?
"Lord Increase our Faith"
It is not that I can’t but that I don’t think I can or I don’t want to
What issues do you face if choosing to forgive?
Let me remind you something about the Sycamine Tree that is similar to Unforgiveness that Jesus said we CAN UPROOT if we just have a little bit of faith/desire
1.Large Deep Roots
3.Good Casket Wood
5.Pollinated by the sting of a wasp
Warren Wiersbe says “Love motivates us to forgive but faith activates that forgiveness, so that God can use it to work blessings in the lives of his people.”
How do we Forgive?
1. Rebuke – epitimao (ap-ee-tee-mah-o) – to show honor; to raise the price; to rebuke; reprove; to admonish; to charge”
Confrontation in a positive way … keeps us from being a silent scorekeeper
2. Repentance - metanoeo (met-an-o-eh-o) to change one’s mind for better; heartily to amend with abhorrence of one’s past sins.
3.Receive Them – The Act of Forgiveness
How Do We Measure Forgiveness?
Where Do I Start?
Imitate Jesus – Ephesians 5:1 –
V32 says "Be Kind and Compassionate"
Jesus Delights in showing Mercy
What Does It Mean to Forgive Another?
In his book Caring Enough To Forgive - Caring Enough To Not Forgive, David Augsburger suggests that forgiveness is a “journey of many steps” taken carefully and thoughtfully, the steps including:
#.To see the other as having worth again, regardless of wrongdoing;
#.To see the other as equally precious again, in spite of the pain felt;
#.To cancel demands on the past, recognizing that changing the unchangeable is impossible;
#.To work through the anger and pain felt by both in reciprocal trusting and risking until genuineness in intention is perceived and repentance is seen by both to be authentic;
#.To drop the demands for an ironclad guarantee of future behavior;
#.To touch each other deeply, to feel moved by warmth, love, compassion, to celebrate it in mutual recognition that right relationships have been achieved.
What if they Won’t Repent
1) Go and show them their fault … if they respond … then restoration happens If not
2) Take some people back with you and try again still with love and compassion. You don’t gang up on them, you just multiply the love …
If there is still no response,
3) Tell the church. This doesn’t mean to gossip, it means to enlarge the circle of love and concern with a desire for restoration. Let me also warn, that “telling the church” must involve going to the Pastor and Leadership for proper order and letting them lead the process. The Pastor and leadership can lead in how to handle it in the most honoring way.
But if they still don’t respond … do I have permission to STAY MAD? J No, I must
4) Release the Anger – Romans 12:9-10,14 Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. 10 Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves. 14 Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse
Leave them in God’s hand. That may mean breaking relationship with them it doesn’t mean ignoring the offense. It means not allowing it to have a hold on you
In doing so you rid yourself of the rage, the infection and so then you
5) Treat them As An Unbelievers -- if someone refuses the blessings of a relationship we should show great love, dignity, respect, kindness, and pray constantly for them. But you are not required to extend to them the blessings of the relationship they had before the offense.
Of course our actions should be proportionate to the actions.
6) IN all things desire Reconciliation / Salvation
Could we end by praying … “Lord Build My Faith”?
If you currently are holding unforgiveness I want to give you time to address that in prayer before you break into groups
1. How does this chapter define forgiveness? How are we to forgive others like God forgave?
2. What are the two realities of forgiveness that are presented in this chapter? What are your experiences with these realities?
3. What 2 decisive steps are required for Biblical Forgiveness according to this chapter? How is this different from non-Biblical forgiveness?
1. What is a relationship issue you are involved in right now that may require an apology from YOU to open communication?
2. How does some time to “cool down” help in the situation requiring forgiveness?
1. If there is someone in your life no longer “available” by death or circumstance, write a letter of apology to them removing any memory barrier in your life
2. You may want to look at Gary Chapman’s book “The 5 Love Languages of Apology” written with Jennifer Thomas