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Anger Bible Study - Chapter 12

Notes & Transcripts

Anger: Handling a Powerful Emotion in a Healthy Way

By

Dr. Gary Chapman

Chapter 12 – When You are Angry with Yourself

Review Chapter 11 – When You are Angry With God

Why do we get angry? Because we feel injustice has happened

Why do we get angry with God? Because we feel injustice …

“Why didn’t God DO something?”

“Why didn’t an all-powerful God intervene?”

“God Calls for Trust in the Darkness Just Like in the Light”(Chapman)

- Trials refine our faith – 1 Peter 1:5-7

- God works all thing FOR God – Rom 8:28

- Difficulty leads to Maturity – James 1:2-4

- Difficulties are sometimes designed to display the work of God in our lives – John 9:1-3

Dealing With Anger Towards God

1. Take Your Anger TO God

2. Listen To God

3. Report For Duty to the Next Assignment

Now Chapter 12 – When you are Angry with YOURSELF

Now we get to one of our deep problems and hardest to deal with … when we are angry with ourselves

Now just like any other anger, this comes because we feel that something isn’t right or should have been different or better

The problem now though is with the one in the mirror. And this is tough because you can’t blame someone else

Just like any other anger, there may be good reason for the anger or it may be a faulty perception or unfair expectation

You are upset because you were careless, wrong, harmed someone needlessly

You have a physical and emotional response

You think “I am better than that” “I can’t believe I did that”

Your expectations were greater for yourself

This can result in Explosions or Implosions

You might cause Explosive harm to yourself

- screaming

- hair pulling

- head against the wall

- cutting

- suicide attempt

You might bottle it up inside

- internal rage against yourself

- playing it over and over

- self-condemning

- “I am stupid” “I deserve this” “I am useless”

When we get to those out of control responses you can be sure we are under spiritual attack from the evil one as well … he is trying to “steal, kill, and destroy” (john 10:10) because that is what he does

He is a Liar and an Accuser … He is our Adversary and he will use anything against us, even ourselves

So, what are some good ways to Be Angry and sin not, with yourself?

5 Good Ways to Be Angry With Yourself

You can’t ignore the anger, it is meant to help you constructively for positive change … so what do we need to do? Push it down? Ignore it? Get Over it?

No

1. Admit Your Anger

a. To yourself

b. To a counselor or friend

c. Express WHAT you are feeling

d. Write it down

e. Say it out loud

f. Pray it to God

2. Examine Your Anger

a. Why am I anger?

Is this something I did? Is this something I’ve seen modeled and I did it and while I’m mad at myself, I’m more angry with the person who I am copying? Perhaps I am following a generational behavior pattern and I am angry with the one who came before me

b. Is my anger definitive or distorted?

Is there good reason or am I being too hard on myself? The TYPE of anger will determine what I need to do now

3. Confess wrong doing to God and Accept Forgiveness

a. 1 John 1:9 – Hebrews 12:5-6

b. Believe what his word says,

that the Lord loves and disciplines accordingly and that forgiveness is just a confession away

c. If God can forgive you,

then you must LET him forgive you and believe that he will and has. Colossians 2:13 says that while we were still dead in our sins, he forgave us ALL our SINS … Folks, Jesus died for you BEFORE you were born, so He made provision to forgive EVERY ONE of your sins before any one of them was committed … so just come to him and he will forgive you …

d. If someone else is involved, confess and seek forgiveness from them –

e. Make Restitution when Necessary … this is outward evidence of inward repentance

4. Choose to Forgive Yourself

a. It is just like the process of forgiving someone else,

go back to chapter 8 and work through the process. Go to Luke 17:1-10 … and work through the process of asking yourself for forgiveness AND granting it

b. Pride on both sides of the equation must be dealt with.

There is the pride that will not ASK for forgiveness. And there is the PRIDE that will not GRANT says “I don’t have to give that”

c. Don’t hold a grudge against yourself

It doesn’t always remove the pain or the consequences or even the trust in yourself … but you are moving in a healthy direction … Forgiveness is always a CHOICE

d. Prayer is a Tool –

confess to God your desire to forgive yourself and ask for his help. Thank him for his forgiveness and his help in forgiving yourself

5. Focus On Positive Actions and Progress

a. Recognize the Danger areas

b. What caused me to fail in this case and in the past?

c. Make Changes in those areas and avoid where appropriate

d. God is not always the one that “leads us into temptation” sometimes we find it all by ourselves J

Scripture

There are two men that did essentially the same thing and BOTH were angry with themselves … but the response and results were different

Judas and Peter … both betrayed the Lord

Judas

Now, it is a given that Judas did his in a calculating way

Matthew 26:16 says he looked for an opportunity to hand him over

Matthew 26:47 we see Judas leading the soldiers to Jesus and betraying him with a kiss.

Now Judas was tempted by I believe two things,

1) ambition – perhaps an attempt to force Jesus’ hand to overthrow Rome … Or to get in good with the Jewish Leadership

2) Greed – as he did this for 30 pieces of Silver

I believe he wasn’t looking to hurt Jesus by the response

Matthew 27:3 – “When Judas, who betrayed him, saw that Jesus was condemned, he was seized with remorse and returned the thirty silver coins to the chief priests and the elders"

Judas was Angry with Himself for what he had done

Peter

Mark 14:29 – “Peter declared “even if all fall away, I will not”

Mark 14:31 “even if I have to die with you, I will never disown you”

Mark 14:67 – a servant girl asked “you also were with that Nazarene, Jesus” …

Mark 14:68 – But he denied it ”I don’t know or understand what you’re talking about”

Mark 14:69 - … “this fellow is one of them” again he denied it"

Mark 14:71 He began to call down curses on himself and he swore to them “I don’t know this man you’re talking about”

Mark 14:72 Immediately the rooster crowed the second time. Then Peter remembered the word Jesus had spoken to him …

Peter was angry with himself for what he had done

Judas was calculated – he planned what he did

Peter was miscalculated – he didn’t expect how hard it would be or what would happen

BOTH responded in anger toward themselves

“How could I have done this”

“I am terrible for having done this”

Response

Judas – Matthew 27:5 – Judas threw the silver coins into the Temple and left. Then he went out and hung himself

Peter – Mark 14:72 – Broke Down and Wept

Judas

– ran away from everyone that knew and loved him, especially Christ

Peter

– though he fled in fear that, he remained with those who loved him. He stayed with the other believers

– Peter had a private meeting with the Resurrected Christ.

- He was confronted in his denial in John 21 where 3 times more the Lord asked about his commitment.

- Peter stayed with the birthing church

- and though he denied in the latenight courtyard … he then Publically proclaimed Christ, Crucified, Risen, Lord, and Coming King and eventually laid his life down for his faith

Go back with me to Hebrews 12:5-13

READ

If we have truly messed up … the Lord will discipline us … the Holy Spirit will convict us of sin. NOT to increase our feelings of guilt but to move us toward positive action

V10 … God disciplines us FOR OUR GOOD … to SHARE in HOLINESS

God wants us to be Like Him, inside AND out

V11 – and it is EASY and PLEASANT – NOT … it is painful … but

IN order to get the harvest we want there is HARD WORK

- Break up Un Broken Ground – there must be brokenness and humility and so pride must give way, false sense of perfection must give way

- Good seeds must be planted and weeds uprooted

- Water and Nutrients must be placed in – that is good teaching, prayer, practicing positive actions and attitudes

- Righteousness Grows and must be harvested as we live and act on what God has produced IN us

- Peace is the byproduct of the Righteousness we harvest

What Do we DO?

V12 - Pray and Serve – the best way to take your mind off the failure, discipline, and the imperfection – “strengthen arms … weak knees” – Serve and Pray … whether you feel like it or not, understand it or not … do it

When I played sports, coaches had drills for us to do like going around cones in soccer with a soccer ball … or running through tires in football. I used to make my little soccer players fall down and hop back up as fast as they could.

Coaches wouldn’t say “we are teaching you go around cones cause they are easier than people and if you can go around the cones, you’ll be able to go around the people …

He didn’t say “boys we’re teaching you to pick up your feet so guys don’t trip you up”

And I didn’t tell those boys, “I’m teaching you hop back up because we don’t have time for you to lay down on the ground complaining about falling”

But we were going to need those skills and they were building instincts in us that paid off on the field of play

Serve and Pray … Serve and Pray … until it becomes natural Serve and Pray

V13

– Walk a straight line

– do what you know you should do

– make provision for it … “MAKE Level” … hard to walk a straight line on a crooked street … so STRAIGHTEN the STREET … Know where you are liable to fail and either remove it or remove yourself, or make provision for getting over it … i.e. a bridge over those troubled waters …

Well we need to go now … let’s pray

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