Made of each other
A Study of Humanity • Sermon • Submitted • Presented
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Claim (of the passage): The Lord God created women to compliment the needs of men so that together they can glorify God.
Focus (of the sermon): Drawing out the key aspects of God’s design for marriage which is: complimentary, permanent, husbands honour their wives, husbands have headship, true love (2 become 1).
Function (for the congregation): to renew commitment to godly complimentary and loving marriages (existing or future).
18 The Lord God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.’
PRAY
The Problem of Being Alone
The Problem of Being Alone
I contacted my brother, most of you know him as Crazy Uncle Ben, last week about this passage which describes the first marriage.
He’s single and is even writing a book about singleness in the bible.
Here is how our whatsapp interaction went.
Slide
It is tempting to read this passage and think 2 unhelpful things.
1 - It is not good to be single! (CAPITAL LETTERS !!!!)
2 - That marriage will fix all your problems.
So what does v18 mean
The Lord God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.’
On first reading it may well sound like loneliness is the problem here for Adam.
And if that is the case, then yes - marriage would be, according to this passage, the solution to loneliness.
But, You’ll be pleased to know Ben then sent me a chapter from his book where he deals with this verse, and it was far more helpful than his whatsapp.
He points out with the help of Christopher Ash, a well know theologian, that
solitude in a loneliness sense can’t be in view here.
Otherwise a “women” is not the necessary, or even the obvious, solution“...why not by a second human male, or even man’s best friend, a dog!
In fact this is one of the arguments that the liberal church argues for in accepting same-sex marriage.
If the primary ‘good’ of marriage is that it provides companionship, then same-sex partnerships tick that box.
But a women who compliments (adds, helps, bring something different is what is key here.
In fact the phrase a ‘helper suitable’ for man even implies that loneliness or solitude cannot be the fulfilling nature of the woman.
She is deliberately different. The phrase literally means she was ‘an opposite to him’ - in the sense that the woman was created to compliment (help or add to) what the man was lacking or needing.
Woman is not a fix for loneliness, but a fix for something another man could not have brought to the table.
So what is ‘not good’ that is resolved by a complimentary woman for a man.
Well the clue is in what we already know about God’s design for mankind.
We saw it 2 weeks ago:
Genesis 1:28 (NIV 2011)
God blessed them and said to them, ‘Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it.
It’s not good for man to be ‘alone’ if his mandate in creation is to increase in number.
HE’s going to need a compatible, complimentary helper to procreate.
In that context - for man to be ‘alone’ is clearly not a good thing, and a suitable ‘helper’ who is opposite yet complimentary to him now makes perfect sense.
Together they can now fill the earth and subdue it.
This is why Paul in the NT says singleness is a good thing. There are plenty of people now to fulfil the increase in number mandate, and singleness frees you to have your full attention on serving God.
It may at times be more lonely, but marriage is not God’s design to fix that, fellowship with Christ and his church family is.
Marriage is a fix for an empty world that needs to be ruled over and subdued.
So, what does God designed marriage look like according to this passage:
1 - 1 Man and 1 Woman
1 - 1 Man and 1 Woman
As we’ve already noted - God’s design for marriage is specific to 1 man marrying 1 woman.
That means same-sex marriage is not marriage in the sight of God, for it is not complimentary by nature.
They cannot naturally procreate, they do not compliment each other is any significant way that makes them a ‘suitable helper’ to one another.
Of course they can be very good friends but that is where samesex realtions should stop.
This also means gender is an important aspect of God’s created design for all humanity.
Gender is not a choice but a gift and design.
God has created men and women and we are deliberately different and fulfil different purposes in a marriage.
Man is man, and woman ‘is the complimentary opposite’ by nature, not by choice.
Because this is a hot cultural topic, I’ve asked Carl Larferton to preach on the topic of ‘gender and sexuality’ on the 5th november. Carl would not cliam to be an expert, but he is far more helpofully thought through than most.
Before we park this topic, we should remember that these issues do not make people beyond our love or kindness. Homosexual practice or gender changes are not more sinful than heterosexual sex outside of marriage for example.
Christ came for us all to restore us to glory with him From our fallen world and lives.
All are welcome with Jesus, so all are welcome here at GC, and all should be welcome in our lives - becasue all of us are sinners and need his Spirit to help us change.
Secondly Marriage is
2 - Complimentary and Equal
2 - Complimentary and Equal
The Lord God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.’
So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds in the sky and all the wild animals. But for Adam no suitable helper was found.
We’ve already thought about how the root emphasis of this phrase ‘helper suitable’ has a sense of opposite to him.
Commentators use phrases such as:
‘just right for each other’
‘the woman provided what the man lacked, and visa versa’
together they were complete.
Of course that is true sexually for procreation as we’ve discussed,
and seems to be the main view here.
But we do begin to see other aspects here that are developed further in scripture as we’ll see in a minute.
But on this point it is very important we understand complimentary roles do not mean unequal worth.
Far from it.
For example the same word for helper is also used for God in a few places. For example
We wait in hope for the Lord; he is our help and our shield.
Woman if far from an insignificant add on, or a lesser partner.
We would never lower God’s worth becasue he ‘helps’ us.
Quite the opposite in-fact.
Matthew Henry sees the comlimenrtray and equal nature of husbands and wifes even in the creation of Eve from the man’s rib.
He writes ‘Woman’ is -
‘Not made out of man’s head to top him, not out of his feet to be trampled upon by him, but out of his side to be equal with him, under his arm to be protected, and near his heart to be beloved.’
Perhaps this reads a little too much into the rib, but it expresses well the biblical ideal of marriage.
Do you respect the equal worth and value of your husband, or wife?
It’s not ok to consider yourself better, or of more value.
You compliment each other perfectly.
Adam having searched through and ruled over by naming all the animals at last received Eve from the Lord God,
Another creature to be looked down upon?
No, rather
The man said, ‘This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called “woman”, for she was taken out of man.’
The first ever love poem, and it captures the mans captivation with his new woman, she is like me, not the same but equal and wonderful.
next.
3 - Husbands, Your Wife Comes First
3 - Husbands, Your Wife Comes First
Of course it easier to look after number 1.
But God’s design for those who marry is not for husbands to look to their own interests but to their wives first.
gen 2 24 again
That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.
Men we leave our ever doteing mothers and the bank of Dad, we move out and away from that easy looked after life where we may well feel number 1, and unite to our wives instead.
We may need to break our dependancy, and desire towards our parents and give our all for our wife.
It’s a picture that goes deep into our whole marriage - as Paul shows us in
In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church—for we are members of his body. ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.’
That means we put our wives first when we spend money, when we decide what hobbies or jobs we do, how we use our time on a Saturday, how we worship the Lord God as a family.
Are we ‘there for’ and serving our wives before our own needs, or,
do we, you know, deserve our own time and toys, and freedom?
God’s design is not for husbands to put themselevse first - but to put their wives first.
That’s not easy to do, but it’s essential.
Most conversations I’ve had with ‘men’ about marital problems can be boiled down to an unwillingness on the husbands behalf to sacrifice more and more for their wives - becasue they don’t think it’s fair.
The point of a love that puts the other first, is not that we
only do it if the other pays us back.
No, our duty if to serve our wives always and regardless
Just as Jesus did for the church - in laying down his actual life in love for an undeserving people.
The old marriage vows used to say you are to ‘worship your wife’.
Simply meaning to put her needs and life before your own.
Wives - sounds good hey,
4 - Wives - Your Husband Comes First
4 - Wives - Your Husband Comes First
It’s amazing how chauvinistic it sounds when you put it this way round!
- but remember what we have just said the husbands role is.
To serve his wife before himself -to worship you.
But that is not license for you to abuse his love.
The flip side is that your role in God’s design for marriage is to trust your husband to lead you and your family.
This is a recurrent and consistent theme in the bible - where husbands have headship within a marriage,
which models men having headship within the church.
but the foundation is still seen here:
But I want you to realise that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God.
Why?
For man did not come from woman, but woman from man;
This being first in time, is the same argument Paul uses for male headship in church life.
when Paul instructs that women are not to teach men in an authoritative way in church, the reason is given:
For Adam was formed first, then Eve.
This is not a punishment - it’s a beautiful design. Where husbands serve their wives by putting them first and leading,
And women put their husbands first by accepting his leadership.
We see the first glimps of this loving design as
Adam leads with authority by naming this new woman, but in a way that is clearly exulting and loving his new wife. - Flesh of my flesh!
All This does not mean wives stay silent in marriage, but it may mean you choose respectful trust of your husbands decisions when you can’t agree for example.
And it does not mean wives should accept violence or unfaithfulness without speaking up and seeking help.
But it does means, just as husbands do not only put their wives first if they behave well,
so to your submission is not based on your husbands good behaviour.
The old marriage vows used to rightly say wives: ‘obey your husband’
So many marriages could be saved if husbands worshipped their wives at all cost under God.
and wives obeyed their husbands under God.
5thly
Marriage is.
5 - Permanent
5 - Permanent
That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.
The word united means literally to ‘stick’.
Although saying ‘the man leaves his parents and is ‘stuck with his wife’ doesn’t quite have the same ring to it.
But the point is clear - marriage is for life - it is permanent!
You don’t leave your parents and then leave your wife, and then find another one and then another.
No - you leave your parents and become united - stuck to - so much so you become one flesh.
Jesus and Paul both use this verse in the NT to speak against divorce.
‘But at the beginning of creation God “made them male and female”. “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.’
Of course some of us here have experienced divorce, but I think I’m ok to say it was not what any of you wanted when you first married.
Divorce is not God’s design of marriage, his design is permanent.
And as such divorce is always painful, complicated and messy - and only happens following a colossal failure in trust, abuse or unfaithfulness.
Divorce is permitted within the bible in extreme circumstances - normally adultery or what the reformers called abandonment - which includes abuse.
But it’s not God’s design, and it’s not to be taken quickly or lightly even in very difficult marriages.
Remarriage is also not permitted in the bible except in the case of the other parties adultery or abandonment.
, and that too comes from this being one flesh - it’s not straight forward to untangle and move on.
If you’re in a difficult marriage, then return to the promises of God - that you are one flesh, and like sticking to pieces of paper together if you tear them apart neither will be the same.
You should seek wise help, and seek to restore your marriage - talk to me or another memebr of the Pastoral Care Team.
If you have been divorced, and or remarried against God’s design, then there may be cause for repentance for going against God’s design, or you may be mostly innocent. Either way, we know God is gracious and can forgive and will bring justice and make all things right.
For those contemplating marriage or who are married - remember this is permanent.
You’re not to give up - or stop making every effort. There is no checking out or bailing when or if it gets tough.
You are now one flesh - united - stuck together by God’s design.
Just as Jesus does not give up on us in our sin,
nor do we give up on our flesh of our flesh.
here
6 - Intimate
6 - Intimate
There is an intimate picture of marriage here.
It is not just procreation for practical purposes, and then equal but different complimentary roles of serving one another.
That might leave us thinking it’s all just a very practical arrangement,
There is also beauty of Love and ease here.
The becoming one of v24 is achieved through sexual union - but it is not just a sexual unity you gain through it.
Your flesh - becomes 1.
Just as Adam was able to say Eve was flesh of my flesh (literally from his rib) - she is me and I am her.
so are husband and wife when they become one flesh.
Physical, spiritual, intelectual and emotional.
This is why Sex outside of marriage is so dangerous because it unifies you as one flesh in your whole self to the other!
Having sex outsinde or before marriage is like glueing your whole being and emotion to another and then ripping both your lives to shreds when you or they move on.
And sadly our world thinks this is a good thing!
Sex is a very good thing but only in 1 marriage between 1 man and 1 woman.
Of course there is forgiveness for those who have sinned in this way, but it’s something that has consequences on you and those you sleep with beyond just that occasion.
Yet sexual union that unites a husband and wife is a powerful glueing by God in every way.
And the beauty of this union before the sinful fall of man is seen in the implied surprise of v 25
Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.
We know full nakedness is both embarrassing and shameful - but not so for husband and wife.
There is an intimacy and love, a mutual accepting of each other even to our less than perfect bodies and les than perfect characters.
Marriage is an intimacy where you and your spouce should be one flesh -able to bear your all - physically and emotionally, and spiritually and intellectually in a way that no other human relation can and should.
Again, that does not mean if you are single you’re destined to loniless - but the intimacy, mutual serving, accepting of complimentarian roles, and permanent relationship of marriage between 1 man and 1 woman is intentionally unique and special and to be treasured and honoured by those who are married and single.
Why has God made marriage so sacred and specific as we’ve seen?
Well, becasue as we’ve said
Marriage is the model God has designed so mankind can fulfil it’s mandate to fill the earth.
This amazing picture of marriage is so important becasue through it we bring children, new life into the world.
It is within this god design marriage that life can come.
We are right to be saddened by the cheapening of the family unit and marriage in our culture,
most especially when children are are brought into those situations.
But we rejoice in new life in stable god designed marriages.
finally.
What do we learn about God from all this?
A picture of Christ and His church
A picture of Christ and His church
The big picture is central here when we think about Jesus.
A Christian marriage is to reflect the very selfless and life giving Love that Jesus has for his church - his people.
And Jesus and his love for us the church is to be our model and motivator for us in our marriages.
As Paul puts it,
Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
Jesus gave up his very life to forgive us, and entre into what the NT calls a marriage between Christ our Groom and His church, us, the bride groom.
A beautiful picture of God’s love for us through Christ.
We do not all need to be married
but every human on earth does need to accept Jesus as their spiritual bride groom.
Who God sent in love to save his undeserving people the church.
But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
We are showing the world Jesus in our marriages, and reminding ourselves of all Jesus has done for us when we love our spouses.
And just as new physical life comes through 1 man and 1 woman marriage, so new life spiritually can only come through Christs sacrificial marriage to the church of his people.
Let’s renew or make for the first time our wedding vows to Jesus now through repentance and faith .
Pray for repentance.