Fidelity (Oct. 15, 2023) Ex. 20.14
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In 1976 there was a presidential election. The candidates were Democrat Jimmy Carter and Republican Gerald Ford. Carter was a relative unknown to most people so there were those who were wondering about who he was, what he believed, and what his policies might be. There were interviews and debates, searches of back stories and interviews of friends and acquaintances.
The one interview with Carter that is remembered is an interview with Playboy magazine. In this interview Carter was forthcoming about himself and his faith. As the interview ended the interviewer asked about whether Carter had ever lusted after a woman that was not his wife. Carter replied,“I’ve looked on a lot of women with lust. I've committed adultery in my heart many times." This admission was one that caught many people off guard. Here was a man who was known to be a man of faith, who taught Sunday school at his church saying that he had committed adultery many times in his heart. There was even a joke that said, “In his heart he knows your wife.” But what did this mean to have adultery? What does it mean today in our modern world that seems so different from the world of the ancient Hebrews?
Adultery is defined as “voluntary sexual intercourse between a married person and someone other than that person’s current spouse or partner.” Sounds clear cut does it not? But there can be so much more than just a dry definition.
In the commandments, we are told to not commit adultery. Clear cut and to the point. But why? In a time when men had more than one wife or maybe a concubine, why was there the prohibition against having sex with someone to whom you were not married? And why did the man seem to get away with having sex with other women who might not have been married? In fact, the consequences of a man having sex with a woman who was not married was that he married her (maybe adding to his wives) or paying a fine. On the other hand, a woman who committed adultery was condemned to death as well as her paramour.
In this culture a woman was seen as property of her father, then her husband (ever wonder where the “giving the bride away” comes from?). If someone had sex with a married woman then they were encroaching on the property of a neighbor. This property was seen as sacrosanct, and one should never dream of touching it. But adultery did occur as is plainly seen by the commandment to not commit adultery.
There are other elements to adultery as well. One knows that it affects the families of those who are in the adulterous relationships. We would look at it as saying my marriage, my wife, etc. but there is a neighbor element to this. As I stated before in other sermons, this commandment falls on the second tablet. This tablet is about how to get along with one’s neighbors. How to treat life and those who are around us. So, when we talk about adultery, we are discussing how we treat our neighbors. When someone has sex with another’s wife (and when we apply this to today, someone’s husband) this is affecting one’s neighbor. One shows that one has no respect for the neighbor and what is the neighbor’s. But there is another dimension to this. Other neighbors are affected as well. Like a pond when a stone is thrown into it, there are ripples that affect all those around. There are neighbors who now take sides. They get upset with others who do not take their side and wonder just why they can claim to be good people when they stand up for those who are “living in sin.” It is not just the immediate families affected, but those families that are around them. And in ancient Israel, one would know the families affected as they lived in small villages and would know all the business of those round about them.
Adultery is something that today we don’t quite apply the seriousness to as the commandment did. We know people who have multiple affairs and are still held up as great leaders. Or we know of those who have mistresses on the side, and no one gives a second glance. And that is how things have changed. As I stated earlier, a man could have sex with an unmarried woman and not have any truly serious consequences because he was not having sex with another’s wife, but the wife could not have sex with any other man, kind of a double standard. But today, most view having a mistress (especially one who is not married) as committing adultery (see the Webster’s definition quoted earlier).
Because we don’t have the same concept of adultery as those in the Ancient Near East did, we sometimes don’t see the issue here. Who hasn’t read or heard the story of the star who is sleeping around with his or her co-star? Who hasn’t heard of the politician who is on his third wife because he “just could not help himself?” We have grown so accustomed to this that we miss the seriousness of this command. In fact, we marvel today at those who are married for longer than 10 years (the Carters have been married for 77). We are to take marriage seriously and make sure that others do the same. We are to make sure that we are treating our neighbor with respect by not taking what is his or hers and making a mockery of what we know to be what God intended.
And adultery is often how God describes the relationship between God and Israel. There is Israel going after other gods, leaving the one who redeemed them from slavery and God watching heartbroken as this happens. It is telling that the commandments are all tied to one another, that though they may be on separate tablets, they all work as one.
Let me tell you a story. I am the victim of adultery. If you have never gone through this, count yourself blessed. It hurts. It hurts like hell, and I am not going to apologize for that language because that is the only way to describe it. I was the injured party and I know what it means when stating that we should not hurt a neighbor, one whom we know, in such a way. I also know what it means to have neighbors or friends take sides. It was a difficult time for me. And what hurt the most was that while there were many who were indignant on my behalf, there was no one who really reached out to me and ask, “Are you ok?” See, adultery cuts like a knife and leaves a wound that scars so that you are reminded of what you went through and what you hope no one else goes through.
So, how do we prevent this from happening? Well, there is the old strategy of being content with what you have. There is also the case of not looking for “greener pastures.” This is one that gets a lot of people in trouble. They think that because the “spark” has gone out of the marriage that they should look elsewhere. They look for excitement and fulfillment in places other than where they should be looking. There have been other suggestions as well that seem odd, puritanical, and somewhat comical to us today. One that was made by Calvin is that dancing be prohibited because it would lead to licentiousness. Because of this all dancing was prohibited in Geneva. Just one example of how things can be taken a bit too far.
Jesus had a few things to say about adultery. He said that if one looks on another with lust, then one has committed adultery in one’s heart. This was what Jimmy Carter was speaking of when he gave his answer to Playboy. Jesus also made sure that those who knew adultery knew that it was not an unforgiveable sin. Think of the woman caught in adultery, the very act, that was brought before Jesus (I often wonder what became of the man because it takes two) whom, after he put her accusers in their place, tells her that he does not condemn her and to go and sin no more.
We may say that we have never committed adultery, and that may be true in the strict legal sense. But how many of us would be willing to admit like Jimmy Carter that we looked upon someone with lust thereby, according to Jesus, committing adultery in our hearts?
Adultery is a nasty thing. It can hurt all those involved, and the effects can last for years. But there is a promise that when we remind ourselves that we are in fact working with our neighbors, then well will not commit adultery. We will be satisfied with what we have and learn love the ones who are near us as God loves us. Amen.