Family Matters

"Did I do that?" This was the famous line from the hit 90's tv show Family Matters. The character was Steve Urkel, the nerdy neighbor to the Winslow family. He was always coming around trying to get in their good graces because of his affection for their teenage daughter, Laura. He would inevitable cause some catastrophe and as the audience laughed and guffawed would say, "Did I do that?" It was pretty obvious that he was in fact, the one that had messed up. Sometimes when we look around the church family we see areas where we have not treated someone the way that scripture says we should be treating them. We sort of look at it in the same way, "did I do that?" When what we need to do is take responsibility and say, "yes, I did that, please forgive me." We can avoid some of this by being more mindful of the way we are supposed to treat one another in the family of God.

Many Christians find it easy to walk into a worship service, sing, listen to the sermon, and head out to lunch or home without taking time for meaningful interaction with their church family. We may not know each other very well and we certainly don’t want someone sticking their nose into our lives. Shouldn’t we keep our private lives private? This is where we fail. Our relationship with Jesus is personal but it’s not private.

In chapter five of I Timothy, Paul writes to Timothy with some orders for how the church family should be treating various groups, spending much of the passage on the treatment of widows. As I prepared I started to wonder what in the world was going on in the church at Ephesus that Paul thought he had to write this much on the care of widows. It could be that Timothy had written and asked for his advice on this issue or it could be that Paul knew there was something going on that he needed to address. Whatever was the cause, we can know for certain that it is something that God intended to be in the Bible for us to know as well. There are important principles contained here for how we are to handle relationships and provision for one another in the church of God.

What we also need to see is how the gospel shapes how we treat one another within various groups of ages, genders, and life situations. In the book of I John we are warned that if we don’t love our brothers and sisters it is evidence that we are not even saved.

1 John 3:14–18 ESV

14 We know that we have passed out of death into life, because we love the brothers. Whoever does not love abides in death. 15 Everyone who hates his brother is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life abiding in him. 16 By this we know love, that he laid down his life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for the brothers. 17 But if anyone has the world’s goods and sees his brother in need, yet closes his heart against him, how does God’s love abide in him? 18 Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth.

Genuine followers of Christ are brothers and sisters in the family of God. The way we treat one another is vitally important. We love one another like family because in reality, we are family.

I. Love one another like family because we are a family. (v. 1-2)

1 Timothy 5:1–2 ESV

1 Do not rebuke an older man but encourage him as you would a father, younger men as brothers, 2 older women as mothers, younger women as sisters, in all purity.

Paul gives advice for how to treat various members of the church family. How should members of the church treat one another? Every member of a family should always be treated with respect and this, we find in this passage is according to their age and gender.

A. In regard to older men (5:1a): Treat them as respected fathers.

This does not prohibit correcting them.

Calvin said, “Correction is a medicine which has always some bitterness, and consequently is disagreeable. Besides, Timothy being a young man, his severity would have been less tolerable, if it had not been somewhat moderated.”

I read Philip Ryken say, “the rebuke of an elder should be a reminder, not a reprimand.”

B. In regard to younger men (5:1b): Treat them as brothers.

C. In regard to older women (5:2a): Treat them as mothers.

D. In regard to younger women (5:2b): Treat them as sisters.

The way we treat fellow believers is an indication of our relationship with Christ.

I read a story this week about a man who traveled to a Latin American country on a mission trip. He stayed with a strong Christian family that was desperately poor. The only thing they owned was the clothing they wore, a one room shelter of some kind, and a chicken. It came time for the trip to be over and the family wanted to have a dinner to honor the missionary. They served soup. The man was quite surprised that there was meat in the soup and he was trying to figure out what kind it was. At some point he realized the chicken was gone and it was chicken soup. The generosity of this family was overwhelming to the missionary and he began to cry. They had given their only chicken so he could be served meat in the soup. To the man of the house this was the most natural sacrifice. They would share all they ad with him because he was a brother in Christ and they understood that made him a member of their family.

II. Providing for your household is a spiritual responsibility. (3-8)

1 Timothy 5:3–8 ESV

3 Honor widows who are truly widows. 4 But if a widow has children or grandchildren, let them first learn to show godliness to their own household and to make some return to their parents, for this is pleasing in the sight of God. 5 She who is truly a widow, left all alone, has set her hope on God and continues in supplications and prayers night and day, 6 but she who is self-indulgent is dead even while she lives. 7 Command these things as well, so that they may be without reproach. 8 But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.

In verse four when it talks about making some return to parents, that indicates some kind of financial support.

This doesn’t make an exclude the person having life insurance, long term care plans, or home nursing. It is wise to make plans for yourself moving forward as we age. That is wise and good. But that stuff shouldn’t exempt the children from helping where they can. The point is that we should be taking care of family. That doesn’t mean you have to take someone who needs round the clock care into your home. But you should be involved in the ways you can.

The point here is that serving your parent in this way is a showing of godliness. It is godly to take care of widows.

God cares deeply for widows. He shows us this all throughout scripture.

In the Old Testament there are many examples of God providing for widows.

III. The church should care about and for widows. (v. 9-16)

Now, it must be said that we should not let this be a blanket statement that leads into a social gospel but we also cannot avoid the responsibility given to the church family to care for those who have no other means to care for themselves. This can look different in different situations. Let's break it down.

1 Timothy 5:9–16 ESV

9 Let a widow be enrolled if she is not less than sixty years of age, having been the wife of one husband, 10 and having a reputation for good works: if she has brought up children, has shown hospitality, has washed the feet of the saints, has cared for the afflicted, and has devoted herself to every good work. 11 But refuse to enroll younger widows, for when their passions draw them away from Christ, they desire to marry 12 and so incur condemnation for having abandoned their former faith. 13 Besides that, they learn to be idlers, going about from house to house, and not only idlers, but also gossips and busybodies, saying what they should not. 14 So I would have younger widows marry, bear children, manage their households, and give the adversary no occasion for slander. 15 For some have already strayed after Satan. 16 If any believing woman has relatives who are widows, let her care for them. Let the church not be burdened, so that it may care for those who are truly widows.

1. Older widows (5:3–10, 16)

a. Widows who are over sixty, godly, and have no living children (5:3, 5, 9–10, 16): These are to be honored and provided for.

b. Widows who have living children and grandchildren (5:4, 8, 16): They are to be cared for by their families.

c. Widows who are carnal and live only for pleasure (5:6–7): They are to receive no help.

2. Younger widows (5:11–15)

a. The rule (5:11–12, 14): Let them remarry and raise children.

b. The reason (5:13, 15): This will keep them from immorality and idle talk.

3. Cultural widows - an application for today.

We have true widows in our culture who have lost their husbands to death.

Conclusion and Application:

Our responsibility to care for one another in the church.

Gospel connection:

1. Jesus provided what we could not. - salvation and forgiveness

2. Gave us a family

3. Now we must care for one another in that family

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