Dealing with Physical/Emotional Conflict:
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Recompense to no man evil for evil. Provide things honest in the sight of all men. If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men. Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord. Therefore if thine enemy hunger, feed him; if he thirst, give him drink: for in so doing thou shalt heap coals of fire on his head. Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good.
Never act in a way that we desire to retaliate. Retaliation is the work of the flesh. The work of the flesh is the desire of your sinful nature, it is actions that are contrary to God’s will.
Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness, Idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies, Envyings, murders, drunkenness, revellings, and such like: of the which I tell you before, as I have also told you in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God. But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law. And they that are Christ’s have crucified the flesh with the affections and lusts. If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit. Let us not be desirous of vain glory, provoking one another, envying one another.
Let’s read this from the NLT to get a better understanding:
Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness, Idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies, Envyings, murders, drunkenness, revellings, and such like: of the which I tell you before, as I have also told you in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God. But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law. And they that are Christ’s have crucified the flesh with the affections and lusts. If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit. Let us not be desirous of vain glory, provoking one another, envying one another.
2. Secondly Paul suggests in Romans 12:17 that we do things in such a way that everyone can see you are honorable. If we call ourselves Christians, and we are ambassadors or if we are to represent Christ in the earth, we should live in such a way that everyone.......EVERYONE......I know they get on your nerves, I know they lied on you, I know they’ve plotted against you, I know they been stabbing you in the back. But the word tells us to do things in such a way that everyone can see that we are honorable. In other-words, you don’t have to stoop to their level. If you have Christ on-board then you need to be the bigger person.
3. Thirdly Paul says “If it be possible”, Paul understands that there will come times in which you might not get along with certain individuals.
Can I show you something in scriptures?
And some days after Paul said unto Barnabas, Let us go again and visit our brethren in every city where we have preached the word of the Lord, and see how they do. And Barnabas determined to take with them John, whose surname was Mark. But Paul thought not good to take him with them, who departed from them from Pamphylia, and went not with them to the work. And the contention was so sharp between them, that they departed asunder one from the other: and so Barnabas took Mark, and sailed unto Cyprus; And Paul chose Silas, and departed, being recommended by the brethren unto the grace of God. And he went through Syria and Cilicia, confirming the churches.
Imagine that, two of the church’s most prominent leaders had a disagreement and a falling out. It’s called conflict and it doesn’t matter who you are and how anointed you are, conflict can find anyone of us.
Did they ever reconcile? Yes, I believe they did.....they had to, because Paul couldn’t preach one thing and then did the opposite.
Aristarchus my fellowprisoner saluteth you, and Marcus, sister’s son to Barnabas, (touching whom ye received commandments: if he come unto you, receive him;)
Then fourteen years after I went up again to Jerusalem with Barnabas, and took Titus with me also.
Because the split of Paul and Barnabas was around 48 AD. The rest of Paul’s letters were written after 48 AD.
Resume here:
My brothers and sisters, conflict is inevitable, I’m learning this myself......it is all in how we handle the conflict. According to the scriptures, there is a right and a wrong way to handle conflict.
We cannot handle conflict with our emotions and with our flesh, because in doing so, most likely we are going to act out of the will of God.
By saying something out of our flesh to hurt the individual (verbal abuse, cyberbullying, intimidation, threats, berating another person).
By acting out of our flesh, in a way to intentionally hurt an individual (aggressive and passive aggressive behaviors.
Okay, let’s break and define aggressive and passive aggressive behaviors.
Aggressive behavior is defined as outright attacking an individual. Behaviors such as assault and battery, damaging property.
Passive-aggressive behavior is behavior that is passive in nature but still with the intention of hurting someone. Ignoring a person (intentionally) using sarcastic comments to hurt, or even control and/or manipulate a person. Passive-aggressive behavior is intended to allow harm to come to someone, rather than causing harm directly. So the individual will indirectly harm instead of directly harming a person.
Let’s deal with types of aggression:
Impulsive Aggression- impulsive aggression is the same as reactive aggression. Something triggers you to act in aggression. It is characterized by strong emotions. You don’t think, you just react and normally you react immediately. Sometimes however, it could be a delayed reaction.
There are two types of people when it comes to impulsive aggression:
Those who act immediately.
Those who react with a delay.
Usually those who act with a delay allow a build up over time until finally they explode without warning.
Impulsive Aggression is triggered by the threat response in our brains. The same part of us that triggers the fight or flight response.
Instrumental Aggression- instrumental aggression is a predatory aggression. It is a calculated aggression, pre-planned, pre-meditated, with the intention to bring an end to a person or to a thing.
Let’s use a church example:
A person in the church doesn’t like so and so and they are jealous of the position they hold within the church. Therefore, the aggressor will calculate and plot to discredit and to destroy another person simply because they want to see that person fail.
Another example of this is the aggressor’s goal in a bank robbery is to get the money. Unfortunately, harming the person may be the means in which they achieve that goal.
Causes of aggresion:
There are several causes of aggression.
First one, since we are in church we’ll just deal with the spiritual first. The first cause of aggression is sin.
And the LORD said unto Cain, Why art thou wroth? and why is thy countenance fallen? If thou doest well, shalt thou not be accepted? and if thou doest not well, sin lieth at the door. And unto thee shall be his desire, and thou shalt rule over him.
And Cain talked with Abel his brother: and it came to pass, when they were in the field, that Cain rose up against Abel his brother, and slew him.
And the LORD said unto Cain, Where is Abel thy brother? And he said, I know not: Am I my brother’s keeper? And he said, What hast thou done? the voice of thy brother’s blood crieth unto me from the ground.
Again, aggression is the work of the flesh.
2. Biological Factors- genetics and/or hormonal factors can influence aggression. Brain structure is another area. Now, some of these things can happen because aggression has been passed down through the bloodline. However, drug or alcohol abuse can also play a part, especially if the mother is pregnant and continues to use drugs and/or alcohol.
3. Enviromental Factors- the environment that you were raised in can play a huge part in causes of aggression. A childhood trauma that you may have experienced. Then when you are grown, you thought you’d gotten over that trauma, but then something happens to trigger that trauma. Maybe you were raised in an abusive household. Maybe you grew up in a violent neighborhood and violence to you is a way of life and it is normalized.
4. Psychological Factors- issues such as ADHD, Bi-Polar, Borderline Personality Disorder, Schitzhphrenia, PTSD, Narcissism, Dementia, brain injuries and brain abnormalites can trigger aggressive behavior.
So how do we cope with aggression.
We need to crucify the flesh.
We need to submit to the power of the Holy Spirit and allow the word of God to change our lives.
We need to obey God’s word and examine ourselves to make sure we are doing God’s will.