Shalom Bayit: Harmony In The Home
Notes
Transcript
Review:
Review:
Turn to 1 Peter chapter three.
Last week we learned a new Hebrew word, Talmidim. What does this word mean? Disciples
What is a disciple?
Someone who is willing to give up everything - even his life - to be like the rabbi. The end goal was that when the rabbi died, the talmid could teach others to be exactly like the man who had died.
Who should go make disciples of others? All Christians
Introduction
Introduction
This evening, we’re going to learn another concept that is very important to devout Jews: they call this idea shalom bayit.
You’ve probably heard of the word shalom. What does this word mean? Peace.
Shalom bayit: peace/harmony in the home
In Jewish thought, family harmony is built on the foundation of the marriage relationship. To devout Jews, the marriage relationship is holy. The husband and wife are set apart to each other and their home is to be a temple or a sanctuary of rest. They each have a role to play to bring peace to their home. If they both practice their God-given role, the home will experience shalom bayit.
Let’s consider the roles of husband and wife as outlined in 1 Peter 3:1-7. As I read this passage, men, pay particular attention to the responsibilities of the husbands. And ladies, pay close attention to the responsibilities of the wives. I am going to be asking what this passage says about the responsibilities of the husband and wife.
Read 1 Peter 3:1-7.
Men, let’s start with the husbands first. What are some of the husband’s responsibilities towards his wife?
Be sensitive to their needs - dwell with them according to knowledge
Give honor to them - defer to their needs
provide for them
protect them
love them
Ladies, what are some of the wife’s responsibilities towards her husband? What did Sara show towards Abraham?
Subjection
Obedience
Reverence
As husbands and wives both practice their responsibilities towards each other, they balance each other out. This balance will bring harmony in the home.
So let’s consider the Jewish perspective of these roles. Jewish tradition teaches that “husbands should treat their wives as if they are precious to them, as if they are valued treasure.” - Dr Craig Hartman, page 59.
Live joyfully with the wife whom thou lovest all the days of the life of thy vanity, which he hath given thee under the sun, all the days of thy vanity: for that is thy portion in this life, and in thy labour which thou takest under the sun.
“In other words, she is your wife, and life is a vapor. Therefore, be happy with your wife while God gives you life.” - Dr Craig Hartman, page 60.
According to Jewish tradition, a husband's responsibility to love his wife is fulfilled not by the husband's words but by whether the wife feels he is showing her love. In other words, the question to the husband isn't "Have you told your wife that you love her?" The question to the wife is "Has he made you feel that he loves you?" - Dr Craig Hartman, page 62.
Men, that’s a much higher standard to maintain, isn’t it? How we show our love to our wives suddenly becomes much more important.
In ancient times, it was taught that if a couple did not have much money, the husband would go without new clothing so that he could buy new clothes for the wife. “The rabbis even discuss[ed] the proper volume of a husband’s voice when he talks to his wife.” - Dr Craig Hartman, page 63.
Application: Husbands, in order for your wife to feel loved, it will require you to prioritize her needs, her desires, and her feelings before your own. That’s what it means to dwell with her according to knowledge and giving honor unto her.
Ladies, in 1 Peter 3, what woman is named as an example that you should follow?
Sara
How is Sara described? Some descriptions in the text are general, and some are specific to her.
As a holy woman
One who trusted God
In subjection to Abraham
Obedient
Abraham was like a prince or a king in her eyes and she showed respect to him, striving to avoid anything that was hateful to him. Sara’s respect toward Abraham teaches us that wives have a powerful impact on their husband’s thoughts and emotions.
Application: Husbands and wives, as we practice our God-given roles in the home, we are teaching the next generation how to have harmony in the home.
“It is so critical that our homes are righteous and worthy, and our relationships with our spouses reveal so much. The righteousness in our homes is completely dependent upon these relationships.” - Dr Craig Hartman, page 60.
When a husband and wife both practice their God-given roles, there will be peace in the home.
Peace in the home is not dependent upon the absence of problems. You can still have peace in the home even if the finances are tight or if health is poor or if the plumbing starts leaking.
Peace in the home is not dependent upon the good behavior of the children.
Peace in the home is dependent upon the husband and wife practicing their God-given roles.
This is where the rubber meets the road. In every aspect of life, no relationship, other than his relationship with God, is more important to the believer than his relationship with his spouse; and we prove our relationship with God by our relationship with our spouse.
Conclusion
Conclusion
Whether we are taking advice from 1 Peter 3, Ephesians 5:25, or the rabbis, the instruction is clear: "Husbands, love your wives." "Honor your wives more than yourselves. Tell them you love them. Show them you love them. Tell them they're beautiful. Show them how much you appreciate them by your actions. Make them giddy to want to see you as a prince."
Wives, submit to, obey, and revere your husbands. Make your husbands want to love and honor you more than themselves.
If everyone is doing what he or she is supposed to do, husbands and wives will get along better. But more important, God will be glorified, and the dark, dirty, world around us that is constantly attacking the family will realize we have something they do not. Then they may want what we should be more than willing to share, and we will have the shalom bayit [that] the ancients spoke about. - Dr Craig Hartman, page 69.
No matter what season of life you are in, take these principles to heart because the next generation does not know them. They must learn it from you.