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Topical: What is Love?
1 Corinthians 13:4-8
February 12, 2012
MARRIAGE GROUP
Tuesday is VALENTINE’S DAY, so if you haven’t made your reservations yet, good luck.
Last week after church, I got together with some folks in the church to discuss MARRIAGE MINISTRIES, and we had some really good ideas which you will hear more about later.
PRAYER
SCRIPTURE READING: 1 Cor.
13 (Sarah Dunn)
Last year at this time, I was getting ready to do Dave & Elizabeth’s wedding, so I spoke on marriage preparing for that.
Now I want to SPEAK ABOUT MARRIAGE because of what I have watched happening around me.
~* I am not going to lie, it has been some TOUGH MONTHS to be a pastor because of what I have seen happening in marriages.
Two of my close friends are getting a divorce.
A week ago I got a call from a couple I married years ago and they are in trouble.
A couple of days ago I got a Facebook message from another gal whose wedding I did and whose husband is done.
~* I am so grateful that MARILYN and I are doing BETTER now than we ever have – I don’t know how I’d handle this otherwise.
Not surprisingly, the question I keep coming back to is, “WHAT can we DO to help?”
It is the same question I have when I do PREMARITAL counseling and the same we have as a CHURCH.
~* I had a lot of ideas on what to PREACH, but I came back to the most basic, fundamental element: LOVE.
As I preach, I know there are many DIFFERENT SITUATIONS: Happily MARRIED, MISERABLY married, ENGAGED, SINGLE, and DIVORCED.
Regardless of where you are at, this sermon is a teaching on love, which is the BEDROCK FOUNDATION of EVERY RELATIONSHIP.
~* And to teach about love, I came back to the MOST FAMILIAR PASSAGE on the topic, which was read earlier.
FAILURE TO LOVE
First Corinthians 13 is perhaps the BEST EXPLANATION of love in existence.
I am hard pressed to think of any better, and the LONGER I am MARRIED (and the more SUCCESSFUL my marriage is) the more I see the wisdom of this definition.
~* As I’ve said before, Marilyn and I have not had an easy go of marriage; frankly, I think ours has been HARDER than AVERAGE.
When you have a SELF-CENTERED, EMOTIONALLY-REPRESSED boy with ADD marry an EMOTIONALLY-”UNREPRESSED” girl from an ABUSIVE BACKGROUND, you better believe there’s going to be problems.
There was no MAGIC KEY, no instance FIXES, (though lots of LEARNING) but as both of us have STUCK it out (a KEY POINT) while learning to love as 1 CORINTHIANS defines love, we have DISCOVERED the JOY marriage.
EARLY on, it was easy for me to think that the problems of the marriage came from MARILYN’S CHILDHOOD because they were so on the surface, but I have come to learn that deeper than that was my failure to love.
~* Now as I try to GIVE YOU SOMETHING to help your relationships, especially in marriage, this is the BEST I HAVE.
As far as I can tell, MARRIAGES and FRIENDSHIPS don’t SELF-DESTRUCT because people “FALL OUT of love,” which is one of the most UNBIBLICAL ideas I know of.
~* It’s because one or more parties FAIL to LOVE BIBLICALLY.
“ONE or MORE” is very important; the nature of sin is that you could do everything right and still have the other person bail.
WHAT IS LOVE?
In light of that, I want to look carefully at how 1 Corinthians defines love.
1 Corinthians 13:4-8 4 Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
5 It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8 Love never fails.
But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.
Paul lists several different qualities of love.
I can’t TEACH on all of these EQUALLY, but I want you to LOOK at how you stack up; you will be better at some things and worse at others.
~* During WORSHIP, I want you to determine which is your WEAKEST.
1. Patient
The old joke is the prayer, “Lord, grant me PATIENCE – NOW.”
We are perhaps one of the LEAST PATIENT CULTURES in history.
But have you thought about how UNLOVING impatience is?
~* Impatience is based up the assumption that OUR VALUES are more important that someone else’s.
We are annoyed with the SLOW DRIVER because our faster driving habits are more important than their driving habits.
We get impatient with the TALKATIVE CASHIER because we believe our schedule is more important than their conversation.
DYING TO LOVE
The thing that strikes me about God’s idea of love is that his is about DYING to SELF.
It is about the putting the other person first.
God’s love doesn’t seek to be FULFILLED, but TO FILL.
~* But as Jesus said, the first shall be last.
When we love like that, we find GREATER JOY, and greater community.
Granted, DYSFUNCTION is a perversion of this principle, giving up rights as a means of manipulation, or to feel better about yourself, or to the harm of the other.
Now think how that affects your relationships: Your love is an act of SACRIFICE, putting them first.
I think you can see how this applies to “love is PATIENT.”
Love does not assume that your AGENDA is the most IMPORTANT but sacrifices for the other’s.
Q On a scale of 1 – 5, how do you think you do at being PATIENT in your relationships?
Q How would “YOUR OTHER” rate you?
Q How do you think that your IMPATIENCE affects your MARRIAGE?
2. Kind
We all understand what kindness is: NICENESS, that WARM, WELCOMING presence that makes you feel more at home.
One commentator defined it, “SWEETNESS” to all.
~* Kindness is the WATER of RELATIONSHIPS, especially marriage; without it, the relationship will wither, and eventually die.
The sad thing is that we tend to reserve our kindness for STRANGERS and CHEAT those we are CLOSEST to.
Especially if you are in any service industry, you tend to “pour out” all day long then “take it out” when you get home!
Q On a scale of 1-5, how WELL WATERED with kindness is your relationship?
Q What do you think your SPOUSE would SAY?
3. Does not envy
I think ENVY is one of those SILENT KILLERS in relationships.
As you know, I am working hard on a book.
This week I sent someone who disagreed a sample in order to have them critique my argument.
While he disagreed with me, he wrote “you are a GIFTED WRITER.”
I was really excited to share that with Marilyn.
Q What if she was JEALOUS and hence BELITTLED it?
It would HURT really bad.
And if that became a common HABIT, I would STOP SHARING success with her.
Then I would share them with someone else, which is where AFFAIRS can start.
Part of good, enjoyable relationship is the ability to “REJOICE with those who REJOICE,” and envy prevents that.
Q Can your spouse SHARE THEIR SUCCESS with you and visa-versa?
Q Are envy and jealousy HARMING your relationships?
4. Does not boast and is not proud
It is interesting that “BOASTING” is what Paul focused on, the VERBAL side of pride.
This is perhaps the most frequent way I see it work out in my marriage:
I come home and I have had a full day.
What do I want to TALK ABOUT: Me.
Marilyn has also had a full day and she wants to talk about it as well.
A HEALTHY, HUMBLE APPROACH is invite the other to TALK FIRST, to GENUINELY LISTEN, as questions, and be full engaged.
More commonly however, we “LISTEN” just long enough to get OUR TURN.
~* Humility is believing THEIR STORIES are JUST IMPORTANT as yours; pride thinks yours are more important.
BTW: I really see this in COMMUNITY GROUPS – the danger of taking center stage.
Q On a scale of 1 to 5, how do you do at SHARING the STAGE?
Q What would your SPOUSE~/FRIEND say?
5. Is not rude
Rudeness is an interesting one: It is not about things that are wrong, but INCONSIDERATE.
But being inconsiderate is a lot like being impatient: It makes you the CENTER of your WORLD, and that makes it wrong.
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