Sermon Tone Analysis

Inscription: Writing God’s Words on Our Hearts & Minds

Part 79: Encouraging Fathers

Colossians 3:18-21

June 17, 2012

Prayer

Scripture reading:

Last night, I played poker with my dad and some other guys.

The first time we did it, it was fun to see our dads just as giddy to play poker as we were.

That experience helped me see not only that our dads are just like us, but that we are just like them.

Q Do you know that feeling of realizing that your dad didn’t know what he was doing any more than you do?

Being a dad is hard; we are trying our best to figure it out.

I can’t say that I am any further ahead than any of you, but I want to talk from what Scripture says about being a dad.

At the same time, not all of us are dads, but this still applies to all you – parenting is a group effort, especially as a community that encourages each other.

~* This is also a good reminder both of what God is like.

Household Codes

Today we are in Colossians, which is yet another favorite book of mine.

I studied it a lot in my undergrad program.

~* Towards the end is what is called the “Household Codes,” which explains how the Christian home is supposed to operate.

The home played a much bigger role the ancient life than today.

When I explain civics to my daughters, I say that we are all one country, made up different state, then counties and cities.

In the ancient world you would add “household” to that.

~* The home was a recognized political entity that had specific rights, responsibilities and authorities.

The household include not just the husband and wife and kids, but also the slaves and servants.

Ancient ethicists would frequently write household codes to explain how the home should run, so Paul’s work here is not completely unusual.

Yet in some ways it was very different – the ancient instructions were written to the wife, the children, and the slaves.

Paul also addresses the husbands, parents, and masters.

~* While some of the things Paul says seems a little old-fashioned to our ears, it was revolutionary in his day.

NIV Colossians 3:18 Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.

19 Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.

20 Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.

21 Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.

The ideal home

Initially my emphasis was going to be just on verse 21, but the more time I spent on it, the more I see you can’t pull it apart like that – the home is one unit.

Q How many of you remember flying before smoking was banned?

I remember sitting in the non-smoking section of the plane, which was an absolute joke.

It was like swimming in the non-peeing side of the pool.

There ain’t no such thing.

In the same way, what happens between the husband and wife cannot be separated from what happens between the parents and kids.

They spill over into each other freely.

~* The first step to healthy parenting is a healthy marriage.

Parenting well with an ex-spouse is really tricky because it requires you to work with your ex almost as if you were married.

I hope that you can apply some of these principles.

To the wife

NIV Colossians 3:18 Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.

~* If Paul were alive today, he would be shocked that he is accused of being misogynistic; he we ahead of this time.

It’s like accusing Abraham Lincoln of hating blacks.

When is judged our standards, he would certainly be considered a racist, but not when judged in his context.

But this is one of those really controversial passages.

It’s kind of like passages on Hell – half of the church ignores it and shouldn’t, and half preach on it, and probably shouldn’t.

The churches who preach on it usually are unbalanced (cf.

denomination that issued a statement reaffirming this verse, but not the next one).

~* I don’t mind being counter-cultural, but I want to it to be for the right reasons.

Many people miss what this passage is saying.

We need to start by understanding what “submit” means:

1 Corinthians 15:27-28 For he “has put everything under his feet.”

Now when it says that “everything” has been put under him, it is clear that this does not include God himself, who put everything under Christ.

28 When he has done this, then the Son himself will be made subject to him who put everything under him, so that God may be all in all.

Q Do you catch what is being said here?

Christ submitted to God.

The Biblical idea of submission is no more demeaning than Christ is demeaned by God.

It is not about value, worth, dignity or any of that.

It is about roles, the part each person has to play.

~* We’ll talk more about how family mirrors Trinity shortly.

There is a lot more that can be said about this, but I want to focus on how this applies to parenting.

Calming the Chaos

I am interested in ADHD, largely because I have it.

A lot of studies are suggesting a tie between our chaotic, stimulation rich society and ADHD.

~* I have learned how to create order to help me focus; one guy at Starbucks used to make that very hard for me.

Studies have shown how detrimental chaos is to all children.

They need order and consistency in order to have peace and learn.

Clean rooms, regular bedtimes are all huge.

~* More than that is emotional order between you and your spouse.

Q Do your children see order in your marriage?

Kids are smart, they know when you are not on the same team and they will exploit that weakness.

Cake for breakfast

Look, I know we do dumb things as husbands.

EG: Bill Cosby “chocolate cake for breakfast.”

Submission doesn’t mean that you let your husband feed your kids chocolate cake for breakfast, it means that you calmly ask to talk to your husband and then privately tell him how dumb that was.

Then you can come back as one team and take away the cake.

I am not saying never let them see you fight – it can go too far that way as well.

My parents were honest about the struggle of marriage, which helped prepare me for it.

~* But (as I say in weddings), never forget that you are on the same team; show your kids that you are on the same team.

Conflict done right is part of being on the same team.

Q Do you want your future daughter-in-law talking that way to your son?

To the husband

NIV Colossians 3:19 Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.

I firmly believe that husbands have the harder job.

I am not saying your wife is that hard to love, but that love is a lot harder than we think.

The longer version is given in Ephesians:

Ephesians 5:25-30 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.

In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies.

He who loves his wife loves himself.

After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church – for we are members of his body.

~* Twice Paul pulls it back to Christ’s love for the church.

Notice how this all works – at the very top is the Trinity: Perfect love and community, Christ submitting to the Father though equal to him.

This relationship is then mirrored by the church’s relationship to Christ – we submit to him, but he has given himself for us and loves us.

~* This is mirrored by the husband-wife relationship.

She submits to him as his equal and he loves and sacrifices to for her.

Tribute to My dad

This is another place where Paul’s Household Codes is so different than the pagan ones – the head of the house was to be like Jesus, the servant of all.