Let Go of Bitterness

Dustin Alley

Travelling Light • Sermon • Submitted 4 months ago • Presented 5 months ago

Hebrews 12:14–15

Bitter

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Introduction

Introduce self

Dismis Children

I don’t remember if I’ve talked about the reason for the seriees title. Whether you know it or not, this world is not your permament residencce. You are just passing through as the old song says.

When we view our lives with this perspective, knowing there is a Heavenly home waiting for us with Jesus, We can travel a lot lighter. We can let go of stuff like we talked about a couple weeks ago. We can let go of distractions like from last week. Which by the way, We had an awesome Party with our legacy group. there was a lot of joy in the room.

And when yyou preach a message on distractions nd go to an event, do you know what happens everytime you grab your phone or try to get tthe sccore for the broncos game?

Someone will tell you “o look pasttors distracted.”

Itt was a great time though.

Today we are talking about a little tougher topic to let go of than those pants you don’t needd naymore or the notifications you should turn off.

Today I want to talk with you about letting go of bitterness.

Character- Person dealing with bitterness

Have you ever been bitter with someone? Be honest.

Most of us have and some of you could be bitter with someone now.

What causes bitterness?

We will often hear that bitterness comes from hurt, or someone wronging us. While that is accurate, what is it about the hurt or wrongdoing that really causes us to be bitter?

I believe we could say that bitterness starts with unmet expecations.

You expecct someone to behave a certain way and they don’t. Then we get angry or upset about it, don’t process it properly or handle it biblically, and mull it over constantly “I can’t believe they did that to me” or talk about it with others “Hey they did this, aren’t they awful?” becuase we like our eccho chambers.

Could be someone yyou re friends qwith on instagram and they follow you, like all your posts, and then one day you realize you hadn’t seen much from them and you go to their profile to learn that you have the option of adding them as a friend.

You sent text to someone, then you saw the bubbles pop up…nd dissapear, and they didn’t respond.

Now, before I go further, let me say something. I know some of you are dealing with unmet expecations from people that cause deep hurt and pain. A spouse has wronged you, or ex-spouse, a family member has mistreated you, a friend turned their bacck on you and talked about you and hurt other friendships.

What I say today does not diminish the emotional, mental, and physical pain and implications you are dealing with becuase of those unmet expectations, but I do desire to help you in bibliccallyy overcoming them. Maybe some of those wounds are fresh, I’m not trying ot pour salt, I’m trying to help you put some neosporne on it and heal.

Problem-Holding onto bitterness

Being wronged is part of life, sorry. Unmet expeccatations are going to be apart of your life if you deal with people becuse people are not perfect.

I’m gonna say tthat again, people are not perfect. You have to remind yourself of this. It doesn’t excuse abuse, neglect, and sinful behavior but it does help us remember, they are just sinners like us and need Jesus.

You can’t control what people do to you but you can control how you respond to what people do.

And if we choose to hold onto bitterness we re giving the devil a seat at our table.

God wants you to love-Enemy wants to kill love.

God wants you to grow intimacy—Enemy destroy intimacy.

God wants you to trust—Enemy wants to steal trust leave bitter

And in this scenario I would describe it not just as giving him a seat at the table but opening up he garden of your heart to allow him to plant a seed.

When a seed of offense is planted you have to decided as to whether or not you will allow it to take root.

Hebrews 12:14–15 “14 Follow peace with all men, and holiness, without which no man shall see the Lord: 15 Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled;”

Agitated-Bitterness causes issues with self and others, people no apart of the situation

Bitterness has a dangerous root

Where do roots grow? underground.

What’s that mean? You don’t see them.

2 for 2, grewat job.

The root of bitterness is no different. You will hold on to something and is just bubbling under the surface. And then…someone will say their name...

My wife and I have been married for 17 years on he 30th of this month. We got have been together 19 years. We met jus before our Junior year in High School.

Can I tell you that High School Dustin and 36 year old Dustin are not the sme guy. High school dustin was an idiot, in a number of ways. Best decision High School Dustin made was talking to that women right there.

But High School Dustin and Sarah, they have a past. And High school Dustin had friends that were girls and girls that wanted to be more than friends. And during I time together, there were a few girls that really made Sarah angry. Now, I don’t believe my wife has bitterness in her heart over them but can I tell you, when we started talkling about what to name Katelyn before she was born…there was a quick list made of names she couldn’t have.

Why? It would be a constant reminder of a time in her life when she was angry with someone. Now we hear these names often tthroughout our lives becuase they aren’t reawlly unique but my wife doesn’t become enraged and not talk to me every time she hears it. Becuase she has processed that, forgiven me, them, and turned itover to Jesus.

Are tthere some people who hurt you and you haven’t let it go, so even the sound of their name brings up hatred, malice, and a desire to see them in a negative situation? That’s bitterness.

And when we hold onto that bitterness it will impact us and it will impact everyone around us. It will impact people yyou haven’y even met yet that have no clue about it.

It will impact your marriage, it will impact your parenting, it will impact your friendships, your work life, and you won’t even realize it...

It is a dangerous root and it bears posinous fruit

I went and looked up some signs of bitterness in your heart

Being hypersensitive

Being ungrateful

Being insincere

Having mood swings

Feeling hurt, misused, or abused

And those can all be happening under the surface without you acttually knowing it until it ccomes out.

It will impact your mind with negativity and percieved offenses, it will impact your body by impacting sleep, causing stress leading to high blood pressure, heart disease, and a weakened immune system, and your spirit by creating a sense of disconnection from people, hinders spiritual growth becuase you withhold forgiveness, and could ccause you to question God. “God if you are so good why are allowing them to even exist?”

Not only all of that, but then, and this is the reason I don’t want bitterness in my life. there is a desire to live biblically, there is a desire to love people as Jesus loved them however in my flesh, this is the reason I don’t want to allow bitterness in my life.

The person you re bitter with has power over you, has control over you, and lives rent free not only up here but also in here. And they don’t deserve the honor of being on your heart and mind like that.

they are taking up space meant for Jesus, meant for loving others, and meant for living the abundant life God has given you.

the longer they live tthere, tthte longer your heart will impacted and your life as a result becuase Jesus said

Matthew 15:17–19 “17 Do not ye yet understand, that whatsoever entereth in at the mouth goeth into the belly, and is cast out into the draught? 18 But those things which proceed out of the mouth come forth from the heart; and they defile the man. 19 For out of the heart proceed evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witness, blasphemies:”

Solution-Choose to Let Go of Bitterness

You have to decide start the journey of healing. You have to deccide to let Go of Bittterness.

That’s starts with first recognizing it’s there. Once you recognize there is bitterness in your heart,

That’s not always an easy process. Unfriended on Faccebook? if you can, go talk o them and figure it out.

IF they live far away and you don’t acvtualy know each, the bible says not to esteem yourelf higher than another so tthink less of yourself and move on with your life.

Maybe it’s more serious though. Maybe you’ve been hurt deeply. If you can, go speak to the purpose and seek recconsiltion.

If not, The first step is time in prayer with God. Next, wise counsel. Then, and this is where the prayer and counsel shoudl be leading you, forgiveness.

But Pastor…you don’t know what they did to me. Your right, I don’t. But the one who said “Vengance is mine sayeth the Lord” does. The oen who it is said about “Cast all your cares, anxieties, worries, problems, bitterness on Him becuase he careth for you.” He does.

Guide- The Bible and biblical examples

There are biblical examples of people overcoming bittterness.

Jospeh from the Old Testament. His brothers threw him into a pit, sold him into slavery, he was bettrayed by his msters wife, he was forgotten about for years by people he helped while in prison, and in the end when he is 2nd in command, basically the VP of Egypt, he sees his brothers who are tthe earthly resaons for what happened to him and instead of having them executed, arrested, or even saying a bad word to them.

He forgives them and says “What you intended for Evil, God meant for good”

Then there is the New Testamentt church. Specifcally the Apostles. There was a guy, who was persecuting Cchristians, had one of the first deacons killed by having a crowd throw stones at him until he died, and then ccomes in preacching the gospel saying he is called by God.

His name is Paul and God used Him to write much of the New Testament we have today.

Whatt if the Apostles and early Christians had not let go of the bitterness that I’m sure would have been easy for us to justify. This man killed my family. This man perecuted my spouse. This man searcched our home and drug our daughter out by her hair.

We would all say “No, be angry. Kill he dude.”

God called them tto do something higher…forgive the dude.

Journey- Journey to Forgiveness

And that’s the journey your on when you are dealing with bitterness. A journey of Forgiveness.

Heb 12:14-15 “14 Follow peace with all men, and holiness, without which no man shall see the Lord: 15 Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled;”

That journey starts with following or pursuing peace with all men.

When bitterness is in our hearts the impact is not just on ourselves but on those around us. A bitter person can spoil a Life Group, they can hurt a ministry team, they will make your job miserable, and they can divide a family.

Now if you are sitting here or watching online with the though “I hope (insert anotther person name here) is listening”

Yea…well, le’s hold our horses. With bitterness starting as a seed, do you believe you could have somethting growing and not realize it?

Ask yourself honestly. Do I have someone I hold bittterness towards? A person at work that brownnoses?

Someone doesn’t appreciate you? Someone did you wrong or you think they did you wrong but you haven’t talked to them to find out? Are you mad at yourself are you angry with God?

All of this becuase of wha SOMEONE else did?

If that’s you or if you belive you will face an offense one day that could lead to bitterness, let me shre with you how to kill the roott of bittterness.

Ephesians 4:31–32 “31 Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: 32 And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.”

Remember the journey of bitterness is a journey to forgiveness. Forgiveness is the destination but there are steps along the way.

When you have recognized bitterness creeping up yyou have a choose to make. That choice is there in verse 32..

the bible say “And be ye...” I want you to understtand that like this “instead of doing this stuff over here....choose tto..” Be kind, tenderhearted or compasionate, nd then forgiving.

have you ever seen he movie Aladdin?

In the movie what is Aladdin? Thief

He is a thief. And when he steals from the shop owners thy are angry and upset with him.

But why is he stealing? they assume becuase he dosn’t want to pay and wants to rip them off. Wehn in reality, he just wants to eat. What if theyy stopped him and offered him a job or helpd him find something? Why didn’t they? They assumed the worst of his actions.

Did you know we often judge others based of theri actions and we judge ourselves based off of our inttentions?

What if you chose to assume the best in people? What if you deccidedd that the next time someone causes an offense of some sort, you are going to decide that they didn’t mean to offend you and instead of accusing them for doing you wrong becuse of heir actions, you accept your wrong understanding of their intentions?

The guy cutts you off on the road…maybe he has an emergency to go to

The woman at your job brownosing…maybe he needs a raise becuase her husband left her and she needs more money to supportt her kids and this is the only way she believes she can get a pay raise

the kid in your school thats a bully, maybe they have a terrible home life and by controlling others they feel safe there becuase they hve no control at home.

Being kind starts with assuming the best. Becuase you can’t be kind to someone when you assume the worst.

When we are being kind as believers in God we should be praying for them.

Jesus said

Luke 6:28 “28 Bless them that curse you, and pray for them which despitefully use you.”

And when we have chosen to be kind and tenderhearted, we can then kill them with forgiveness.

I know…this is that part where I said I don’t want to dimish your hurt and pain. I also wont diminsh the power of God working in your heart by telling you it’s ok to hold on to it.

This is where the journey of forgiveness ends and the rest of your life begins.

You may have suffered abuse from a parent, family member, or someone ele in your life…It’s not easy but what tthe devil meant for evil, God can use for good. Your story could help someone else who is going hrough or has gone through it.

You know there are stories all over of marriages surviving infidelity, of victims of human ttrafficking or abuse turning their tragedies into testimonies to help others, there are stories of God working in the hearts of people to overcome the atrosicities that they have faced in life yet some of us have trouble forgiving the smallest of offenses.

Some of you have major offenses that have been committed against you are awful. But what about when the tragedy isn’t from a person but from a sin cursed world? Would you blame God?

This story I’m about to share could be triggering for some of you, but its a story that needs to be shared.

I have afriend named Daniel.

Let’s ge his picture up here. This si Daniel, his wife kelly, nd three of their children.

Not all of their children are in this photograph.

Tthat’s becuase Daniel nd Kelly have two children that died within 24 hours of their birth.

First was Reagan, the daughter they had been praying for. She was diagnosed with anencephaly, which if I”m completely honest I don’t fully understand.

What I know is, it meant Reagan wasn’t going to live. She was carried as a normal baby, Kelly gave birth to her and laid her to rest within a week or so.

Then, within th year they were blessed with the news of twins. However they had developed twin to twin syndrome and required in uttero sugery.

The operation did not lead to a succesful outcome fro one of the ttwins and upon birth, he lived overnight and then went to be with Jesus.

This is tragic and heart wrenching.

Would it not have been easy to get angry. To get mad at God and turn from your faith. “IF he doesn’t love me enough to let my children live, why should I love Him?”

Maybe it would have. But instead, they took a tragic situation tthat oculd have lead to misery and allowed God to use it as a Ministry.

Daniel and Kelly have Started the Ian nd Reagan foundation. He raises awareness through his running and they are raising wareness about the disease that took their daughter while also providing support to parents who deal with loss.

What could have turned to evil, cursing God, condemding Him, and hurting the cuase of Christ, They chose to overcome, they chose to not be bitter with God, and re now supporting otthers as they batle the sme battle they faced.

Have you dealt with the bitterness in your life?

Have you taken the journey of forgiveness?

are you using what could be your misery for His ministry?

Resolution-Choose to Respond to bitterness with strength of love

When someone makes you angry, it’s easy to inflict damage to them and their lives. No one ever said it was hard to punch a man that spoke ill of your wife. It’s harder to forgive him.

Jesus calls us to do the hard thing

Romans 12:21 “21 Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good.”

And while forgiving others and not being bitter with God are the main problems I spoke of, I do want you to know that if you area somone like me with a past.

You have to accept God’s forgiveness and forgive yourself. You have can’t be bitter with yourself becuase you didn’t do the right thing before. God said he forgives you and when you choose to not accept that forgiveness you are telling God “No…you ccan’y do that beccuase I don’t want you to.”

What other scenario in life woudl we think tht is ok?

No matter who you are directing your bitterness too, it’s time to begin your journey or take another step in your journey to forgiveness.

Impact- Negative: control, relationships. Positive: Freedom

You can hold on to it. You can waller in self-pity and choose the easy road of staying angry and bitter. You can continue to give that person control over your life.

You can kep having your relattionships impactted by tthe actions of someone or the events of your past and ignore what you have herd today.

you can deccide to embrace the love of Jesus. You can choose to live in the love He gives you and share that with others. Yiou can choose to put Him in ccontrol and not someone that hurt you.

You can find true freedom in Christ. Freedom from sin. Freedom from bitterness. Freedom from the guilt you have held over your head.