Leadership & Submission
Part 4: Parenting
April 18, 2013
* Childcare – really want to make easy for everyone to attend, need at least one person a week.
* Pay for dinner.
* Homework online.
Ephesians 6:1-4 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 "Honor your father and mother"-- which is the first commandment with a promise-- 3 "that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth."
Q How do you think that it “goes well with you”?
I used to think that was a reference to God’s special blessings, which is partially true, but with reading Proverbs, I think it also means listening to their advice.
Q What is some of the best life advice your parents gave you?
Ephesians 6:4 Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.
Q What do you think this means?
Among other things, it shows that parents can make mistakes; they are not always right. We will get to this more soon.
Q Of all the possible things to forbid, why “provoke to anger”?
Q Do you know how to use a concordance?
Q What are some other passages about parenting?
(7:00) EXPERIENCED ADVICE
Rather than teaching on something I don’t know that much about I decided to involve some parents who have successfully raised children. I asked them to answer three questions:
1. What are your top 1-2 pieces of advice for young parents?
1. Delight in your children.
2. Allow them to make real choices with real consequences.
Understand the difference between rebellion and childish irresponsibility, and the difference between correction, training and punishment. To me, punishment denotes "payment" for wrongdoing. Rebellion is a hard issue, and I am glad that I did not have to deal with too much of it. In that regard, I think that we must always keep in mind that we are the parents, we are still bigger than they are, and therefore our will should prevail.
And from my daughter I learned that a rebellious child, or an ungrateful child, or an unruly child, or a badly behaving child is not a happy child, and the attitude of the child is the most important thing that must be trained. Attitudes are modeled by us, behaviors are modeled, etc. therefore if we want to model the fruit of the spirit, we need to pursue the fruit of the spirit, ie the Lordship of Christ in our own lives.
2. (7:10) What was your greatest success as a parent?
Allowing my children to question – you don’t have to impress them with the strength of your faith.
Somehow when my children began to choose to follow Christ daily, I got the notion that they we not only my children for whom I had responsibility, but that they were my brothers and sister in Christ. I began to respect them, and I hope, treat them as responsible individuals. Sometimes I probably went too far in this. But although I occasionally tried to micromanage, God gave me more and more the ability to take responsibility for their own lives and choices.
I have a some maxims that I tell parents. 1)We are anointed by God to raise our own children, we must pray for specific guidance and strategies for each individual child, recognizing that each child is different in gifts and temperaments and callings. I personally prayed to have an understanding of the callings of each child, and also the temptations that might beset them, so that I may pray appropriately. 2) There is an appointed time, a date, that the Lord will claim His Lordship in each child's life. As parents we need to pray for that day with prayer.
3. (7:20) What is a mistake that we should try to avoid?
Saying “we can’t afford that,” instead of find creative ways to make it happen.
Hypocrisy, micromanagement and trying to protect them to the point where they don't learn about consequences.
(7:30) Q & A
(7:40) GROUP ACTIVITY
Discussion in gender-based groups.
* Pick up kids quickly.
* Do your homework!