Extreme Makeover: Home Edition
Colossians • Sermon • Submitted • Presented
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Introduction:
Introduction:
As we move from the doctrinal teachings and warnings found in the Book of Colossians to the practical side of how these doctrines affect our everyday lives, not only within the church that gathers, but also to the relationships within our homes and the relationships we have with those whom we work. Today I want to simply focus on our home and how God expects us to treat one another.
Some of the things that we will look at today from God’s Word are EXTREMELY counter-cultural. God has not called us to align ourselves with culture, but rather to be conformed to the image of His Son. But let me also say that the things Paul discussed were also counter-cultural in his day as well! Let me share a few examples:
Women were often treated as the property of her husband, much like his livestock. They had no legal rights, and very little capability to get herself out of a harmful and violent situation.
Furthermore, as William Barclay notes, in Greek society women typically remained in seclusion. She didn’t go in public, they lived with other women, and didn’t join the men of the household for meals.
She was expected to be his servant and remain faithful to him, while he could pursue an open marriage. In both the Jewish and Greek societies, all the privileges belonged to the husband and all the duties belonged to the wife.
So when Paul wrote to the Ephesians and told the men to “love their wives as Christ loved the church and GAVE Himself for it...” that was a VERY COUNTER-CULTURAL command. It was completely FOREIGN to the way most of culture treated women.
The same was true, according to Barclay, for the children. Under Roman law dad’s could basically do anything they wanted with their children, including selling them into slavery, or treating them like a slave in his own household. All the privileges and rights belonged to the parent and all the duties belong to the children. But then the Holy Spirit inspires Paul to write this counter-cultural statement in Colossians 3:21
Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.
Barclay says this about the passage we will explore today:
The Christian ethic is one of mutual obligation, in which the rights and the obligations rest with every individual. It is an ethic of mutual responsibility; and, therefore, it becomes an ethic where the thought of privilege and rights falls into the background and where the thought of duty and obligation takes priority. The whole direction of the Christian ethic is not to ask: ‘What do others owe to me?’ but ‘What do I owe to others?’
With that background in mind, let’s jump right in and notice Paul’s admonition to the wives first. Notice Colossians 3:18
Wives, submit to your own husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.
Wives Submit to Your Husbands as is Fitting in the Lord
Wives Submit to Your Husbands as is Fitting in the Lord
What does SUBMISSION mean? As best as I can understand the Greek language and the context of this verse, it carries with it the idea of “becoming willing to submit to the wishes of another…” Paul, writing under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit instructs believing wives to willingly place themselves under the spiritual leadership of their husbands.
I think it’s important for us to go over to Ephesians 5 to explore a little more of what the Holy Spirit was asking of wives in this relationship. Notice Ephesians 5:21
submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.
Mutual Submission is Based Upon our Reverence for Christ
Mutual Submission is Based Upon our Reverence for Christ
In this passage Paul is going to tell the wives and husbands almost the exact same thing as he tells the Colossian believers here. Before he addresses the wives in this passage he addresses the body of Christ in general and reminds us that there is to be MUTUAL SUBMISSION among believers! This is the same Greek word that he used in Colossians 3 and it carries with it the idea of “becoming willing to submit to the wishes of another.”
It’s interesting in both commands, to the wives, and to the body of Christ, he gives a caveat related to this submission.
In Ephesians he mentions submission to one another OUT OF REVERENCE FOR CHRIST!
You see if a brother or a sister needs me to do something, or requests me to do something, and I do so willingly, even if it’s INCONVENIENT for me, I’m ultimately not doing it to SERVE them, I’m doing it OUT OF REVERENCE FOR CHRIST!
That may also mean that there are things I CANNOT submit to, because in doing so Christ would not be REVERED! If a brother or sister asks me to lie for them, or asks me to steal for them, MY REVERENCE FOR CHRIST TRUMPS MY SUBMISSION TO THEIR DESIRE FOR ME TO SIN. But if I have the capability to meet their need, while at the same time not hindering my ability to SEEK FIRST THE KINGDOM OF GOD AND HIS RIGHTEOUSNESS, then by all means I should willing seek to help my brother or sister in the Lord.
Now let’s take this into the home.
Marital Submission is also Based Upon our Reverence for Christ.
Marital Submission is also Based Upon our Reverence for Christ.
Notice Colossians 3:18 again
Wives, submit to your own husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.
God instructs wives to become willing to seek to meet the wishes of her husband AS IS FITTING (proper, appropriate) IN THE LORD (not in mindless obedience). In a sermon I read a portion of on this same passage, one preacher says this submission to her husband has to do with her LOYALTY to her husband and her home. I would word it differently. Her submission really has to do with her LOYALTY to the LORD!
Precious wife, your husband is going to let you down, but your Lord never will.
Your husband is not always going to be worthy of submitting to, but your LORD is ALWAYS worthy of submitting to!
Marital Submission is Based Upon our Reverence for God’s Order
Marital Submission is Based Upon our Reverence for God’s Order
When God was speaking to Adam and Eve in Genesis 3 he said this to Eve:
To the woman He said:
“I will greatly multiply your sorrow and your conception;
In pain you shall bring forth children;
Your desire shall be for your husband,
And he shall rule over you.”
The Baker Encyclopedia of the Bible says this about the word “desire” that’s used here...
The term “desire” in the Genesis 3 and 4 passages is...a desire to control, to master, to be in charge. Consequently, after the fall the desire of woman is to dominate her husband; her determination to reject his leadership in their relationship of equals is a breaking of the balance in their relationship. For his part, the man tends to tyrannize the woman.
Before the Fall Adam and Eve were in complete harmony with one another, and they were in complete harmony with God. Everything worked like a well oiled machine…the way God designed. But when rebellion entered their hearts, and they sinned against God, God informed them that part of their sin nature would be to REBEL against God’s original intent.
The natural, sinful tendency for many wives is to DOMINATE the relationship and her husband; some even seek to MOTHER their husbands.
The natural, sinful tendency for many husbands is to be a TYRANNICAL DICTATOR over their wives (while some go to the other extreme and refuse to lead at all)!
Paul is simply reminding the Colossians of God’s ORDER in the HOME. God has called the MEN to be SERVANT LEADERS and to LEAD! God has called wives to recognize the husband’s God given responsibility to lead and make it EASY for Him by respecting God’s order and her husband.
Before we move on to the next verse I want to remind everyone that SUBMIT is not a dirty word. SUBMISSION has nothing to do with equality. Please note 1 Peter 3:1
Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives,
Ladies, I want you to notice the word, “LIKEWISE” in 1 Peter 3:1. Peter is also talking about marital submission, but he introduces this concept by pointing back to an EXAMPLE. I wonder who that example is? Let’s go back to 1 Peter 2 to find out...
For to this you were called, because Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that you should follow His steps:
Ladies, your example in this area of submission is not some meek and mild, weak, anemic woman, who was unintelligent and couldn’t think for herself and was at the mercy of her husband...
No, YOUR EXAMPLE in submission is CHRIST HIMSELF! God in the flesh, the Creator and Sustainer of the universe, who could have called 10,000 angels at any moment to set Him free, or spoke the word and vanquished His enemies…but HE CHOSE TO SUBMIT to the Father’s will to accomplish the Father’s plan, and He is asking for His bride to do the same as we submit to one another!
Jesus is not asking you to do something He hasn’t already done. He willingly submitted for the sake of the Kingdom, and we should too!
Now let’s move on to the husbands. Notice Colossians 3:19
Husbands, love your wives and do not be bitter toward them.
Husbands, Love Your Wives and Don’t be Bitter Against Them
Husbands, Love Your Wives and Don’t be Bitter Against Them
Remember, we are talking about being COUNTER-CULTURAL and having a home that pleases the Lord. Paul very clearly lets the believing husbands know that CANNOT treat their wives like property, and they cannot treat their wives like livestock. They are to LOVE them!
Lest anyone mistake the type of love Paul is calling for he uses the verb “AGAPAO.” It can mean “to have great affection or care for…to have a strong love for the other persons good, with a willingness to forfeit your rights and privileges in their behalf.”
It’s a SUPERNATURAL, COUNTER-CULTURAL love! It’s a CHRIST-LIKE love. This is the way Paul put it in...
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her,
As a Christlike love it is revealed as SACRIFICE! Christ gave Himself up for the benefit of the church, and the husband is called to give himself up for the benefit of the wife!
He is not called to dictatorial leadership, but to LOVING LEADERSHIP!
He is called to UNCEASING CARE and LOVING SERVICE for her entire wellbeing.
As we said earlier, this type of love and relationship was VERY COUNTER-CULTURAL during this time and to some degree still is today. Because of the culture surrounding them and the sinful tendency for the man to become a tyrannical dictator Paul also reminds the husbands not to be BITTER toward their wives.
The opposite of sweet is bitter. As husbands we must constantly be on guard against giving into that temptation to be rude, obnoxious, and tyrannical.
Max Anders interprets this to mean that husbands are not to be HARSH, OVERBEARING, CRITICAL, or BITTER toward them. He is to demonstrate “compassionate care” to ENDEAR her and stay away from things that may potentially EMBITTER her.
In Ephesians 4 Paul encourages the body of Christ to “speak the truth in love” to each other. He also mentions this in Ephesians 4:26b
Ephesians 4:26 (NKJV)
do not let the sun go down on your wrath,
I’m sure there are some husbands here today, INCLUDING MYSELF, that need to REPENT for not loving our wives in this way. For being rude, and critical, and mean, and condescending, and hateful...
You will stand before God one day and give an account FOR HOW YOU TREATED HIS DAUGHTER!
Now Paul moves on to address the relationship between children and parents. Notice his words in Colossians 3:20
Children, obey your parents in all things, for this is well pleasing to the Lord.
Children, Obey Your Parents in Everything
Children, Obey Your Parents in Everything
Parents have the responsibility to lead their home and to direct their children, and children have the responsibility to honor/respect their parents and obey them!
Rod Dempsey and Dave Earley put it this way:
Parents are to be the primary agents of spiritual formation for their children…Mom and Dad, it’s your responsiblity to talk to your children about the King of kings and Lord of lords....Spiritual formation is not just about words either; they need to see your good example of following Christ.
Keep in mind there are 168 hours in a week. Most children that attend church are here between 1-3 hours of that week. So that means there’s another 165 hours that they are not being directly influenced by their church family. Depending upon their age and the schooling scenario, they are at school another 30 hours of that week, they are sleeping 40-60 hours a week, so that only leaves you a limited amount of time to POUR INTO THEM THE WORD OF GOD and instruct them regarding OBEDIENCE and RESPECT! THIS TAKES BEING INTENTIONAL!
It’s also important, for the children to understand and realize, when they are old enough that rebellion against a parent’s instruction is also rebellion against the God who said, “Children obey your parents in the Lord.”
Mom and dad it’s not easy, and depending where you are in child rearing it may take a lot of work, patience, and difficulty, but remember who God put in charge of the home. As your children grow older you will give them more freedom, and more opportunities to make decisions, but ultimately God has assigned YOU the responsibility to raise them in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.
Don’t let your child dictate to you what is and what isn’t going to happen. Don’t train them that if they whine and cry enough you will eventually let in. When you do that, you may think you are training your children, but in reality your children are training you!
ILLUSTRATION ABOUT HARPER (night time snack)
Let me say this to the kids here. If you have given your heart to Jesus and dedicated yourself to follow Him, then you can’t respect God’s authority, if you are unwilling to respect the authority of the ones He gave you to be your parents.
Don’t get me wrong, I know there are some nightmare scenarios that kids are going through, and there are parents who take advantage of their children, and abuse them. If you are living in that scenario call the authorities and get some help. Tell a trusted adult.
But that’s not what we are talking about here. We are talking about honoring and obeying YOUR parents when they tell you to do something that is not sinful. You may not want to, you may not feel like it, you may not be in the mood to do it,
BUT GOD’S WORDS SAYS THAT WHEN YOU OBEY MOM AND DAD YOU ARE PLEASING THE LORD!
As we come to the conclusion of today’s message we see the men of the home addressed once again...
Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.
Fathers, Do Not Provoke Your Children
Fathers, Do Not Provoke Your Children
What on earth does it mean to “provoke” your children. The Greek word literally means, “make resentful, stir up embitterment, and irritate.” Paul says don’t make your children resentful, lest they become discouraged.
Paul says don’t stir up your children to embitterment, lest they become discouraged.
Paul says don’t irritate your children lest they become discouraged.
Joseph Excell says these are some ways that parents provoke their children:
Making unreasonable demands.
By being a jerk
By having an out of control temper
Constant rebuke, while offering little to no encouragement
Men, we must remember we are SERVANT LEADERS, not AUTHORITARIAN DICTATORS. We are not seeking to break our child’s spirit. We are seeking to provide loving, firm guidance.
We should be the kind of dad that John Newton had (the man who wrote Amazing Grace). He said this about his dad:
I know that my father loved me—but he did not seem to wish me to see it.”
The Bible Knowledge Commentary (3:21)
Praise for well-doing rather than constant criticism will, along with loving discipline (cf. Heb. 12:7), help rear children in “the training and instruction of the Lord” (Eph. 6:4).
As we close today I want t share with you something William Barclay said about this matter concerning the Christ-centered home:
BARCLAY:
The really new thing about the Christian ethic of personal relationships is that all relationships are in the Lord...In any home, the tone of personal relationships must be dictated by the awareness that Jesus Christ is an unseen but ever-present guest...The thing which settles any relationship is that we are all servants of the one Master, Jesus Christ.
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