An Excellent Man

made with Proclaim

Brian Manning

Willetton Bible Baptist Church

Proverbs: Living Like You Love Jesus • Sermon • Submitted 3 months ago • Presented 3 months ago • 46:51

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Introduction

Saying: “God never gives you more than you can handle”

I’m on record as saying that is a lie - Bible doesn’t say that

Bible says God gives you more than you can handle so that you will learn to rely on Him

I know this is true from my own experience in life too

In God’s great sovereignty He gave me 2 daughters - I was in way over my head

Just when I think I might be keeping my head above water I become the father of 2 teenage girls

It’s like God put lead boots on me & I sunk to the bottom

Though I don’t always know what the right thing to do or say is I do know what kind of women I hope them to be

Proverbs 31 is often where we turn to when we talk about character of women and wives

It’s often wrongly used as a checklist for what women should be & do and what men should look for in a wife

Like the rest of Proverbs it’s principles, it is direction to the ideal, something to pursue

When I think about what kind of women I want my daughters to grow up to be the answer is the same thing that I want for my sons

I want them to be godly

Practically, that will look different for my daughters than my son

It will also be expressed differently in my daughters too

When we start at Prov. 31:10 we miss some very important context

While it is written about a woman, its also teaching us something about men too

So, this is not just valuable to my daughters and wife it’s also valuable to my son and I

Solomon has written much to men in Proverbs about the type of women to avoid

Here he points us to the type of woman to pursue

The man who keeps His heart with all diligence becomes a man worthy of a Proverbs 31 woman

While the details describe a godly woman this passage also tells us how to be a godly man

What does a Proverbs 31 man look like?

Be a Wise Man

Proverbs 31:10 “Who can find a virtuous wife? For her worth is far above rubies.”

A Man Worthy of Excellence

A Woman of Excellence

Virtuous = excellent, noble, strong, wise, competent, brave

She is a woman of strong, godly character

Remember a central part of wisdom is skill, mastery, excellence

She is a woman who pursues to be the best at all she puts her hand & mind to

Prov. 31 is a picture of the ideal situation - a family of godliness, love, respect & prosperity

You will find women like this even in less than ideal situations

Abigail is a virtuous woman (1 Sam. 25)

She was married to a fool in both name & nature (Nabal)

Her wisdom saves Nabal from being murdered & David from being a murderer

In an age where arranged marriages aren’t common a virtuous woman won’t be looking to make a life with a fool

A wise woman is looking to make a life with a wise man

She’s not marrying for urgency, riches, influence,opportunity, escape or spite

She is a woman in pursuit of godliness

A Man of Excellence

Notably this proverb is the advice of a mother to her son (Prov. 31:1)

The type of woman she tells him to look for is based upon the type of man she taught him to be

She taught him to be a man of strong character, moral, godly, strong, disciplined, just, compassionate

If you want a Proverbs 31 wife you need to be the type of man worthy of a Proverbs 31 wife

You need to be a man in pursuit of wisdom, in pursuit of mastery in life & godliness

Godly women aren’t looking for a guy who’s really good at Grand Theft Auto

They’re looking for a man who can figure out how to hook the kids car seat up properly

You don’t need to be a perfect man but a man in pursuit of wisdom

There’s no one way this should look

Look to men in the Bible

Nehemiah: Could live with kings and in the rubble of Jerusalem, He could stand against the enemy and cry with his people

David: Could kill lions, bears & giants and also write heartfelt, vulnerable songs

Paul: could make tents and argue philosophy with the elite even after being hit in the head with rocks

None of us are perfect, none of our lives are going to look the same

Be a man of wisdom

A Man that Encourages Excellence

What’s Good for Her is Good for You

Ephesians 5:28 “28 So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself.”

This isn’t motivation from selfishness

An expression that marriage unites you as one - one in heart, purpose, direction, life

If you do what is best for her, love her like Christ, you recieve the benefit of her joy

That is on full display through Proverbs 31.

When your wife is pursuing godliness & wisdom that is good for you and your family

Encourage her in her pursuit of excellence and wisdom

Nurture Her

Ephesians 5:29 “29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church.”

Like Christ does for us - He cultivates our life, nourishes so that we will grow

In this way we are to act like Christ

A husband learns to be a master of husbandry

That is, how can we nurture & cultivate the wonderful gifts God has given her

What resources can I provide for her to flourish in her life?

How can I love her so that she is filled with confidence to use her gifts?

How can I create an environment where she is secure to try and fail in pursuit of wisdom?

What is the best way to praise her and strengthen her?

When she is weak, how can I care for her?

Be a Trusting Man

Proverbs 31:11 “11 The heart of her husband safely trusts her; So he will have no lack of gain.”

A Man that Trusts God with His Whole Heart

Give Your Heart to God

Proverbs 3:5–6 “5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; 6 In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths.”

Your first priority is to be a man of faith - not in word only but in life

Remember your heart is a description of all that you are

To trust God with all your heart is to submit your mind, will, emotions, plans, all to God

It is to trust that God will keep His promises to care for you, provide for you, be faithful to you and lead you

Be a Faithful Man

Be a man that is trustworthy

Let your faith in God anchor you, establish you

Proverbs 25:19 “19 Confidence in an unfaithful man in time of trouble Is like a bad tooth and a foot out of joint.”

Don’t be a toothache

Unfaithfulness isn’t just annoying but painful, troublesome, dangerous and causes more problems

A Man that Trusts His Wife with His Whole Heart

Trusting Your Wife is Trusting God

Putting your trust in your godly wife isn’t idolatry

Why? Prov. 31:30 - she is a woman who fears God

This isn’t about trusting your wife instead of God

This is about trusting God together

When I fear God & I know my wife fears God I know we’re headed in the same direction

She has as much access to God as I do

Her trust in God frees me to trust her whole-heartedly

Give Her Your Heart

Prov. 31:29 - in reality he’s probably exaggerating but in his eyes it’s completely true

To give your heart is to give your all, whole being

Give your wife everything

Don’t fall into the trap of comparing her to others - especially your mother :)

Don’t just say it to be romantic but learn to truly see your wife as the woman who surpasses all other women

A godly man’s work always leads him back home

The godly man heeds the warnings about the ‘Only Fans’ woman because his heart is with the excellent woman at home

When you trust her with your heart you free her to thrive

When you trust her you don’t feel the need to control her or everything she does

When you trust her your family prospers

When you trust her you are nurturing her soul

Be an Honourable Man

Proverbs 31:23 “23 Her husband is known in the gates, When he sits among the elders of the land.”

A Man that Values His Wife’s Strength

Recognise Her Strength

A godly man can be a fierce warrior and a romantic poet

So, a godly woman can be both gentle & tough

Any man who has watched his wife through pregnancy and birth has a profound respect for the strength of his wife

She is a paradox to modern way of thinking

She is homely & feminine but also strong & confident

She is neither the stereotypical 1950’s housewife (trad wife) nor the independent, self-reliant feminist of our day

Her hands are tough enough to shovel a field and nimble enough for a sewing needle (Prov. 31:16,19)

She has vitality and stamina to work long days

Value Her Strength

A Proverbs 31 husband isn’t intimidated by her strength

In part because he’s not lazy

He, too, is using his strength for her

A wise man finds joy in the strength of a godly wife

A Man that Makes Much of Her Work

Recognise She Uses Her Strength for Your Benefit

Your success and prosperity doesn’t happen without her

A virtuous, godly, excellent woman uses her strength for your benefit

She gives of herself so that you can fulfil your calling

That doesn’t mean she exists so you can achieve your goals

A wise woman knows when her husband prospers the family prospers

A godly man recognises that her strength (physical, emotional, spiritual) is being spent for his good and the good of the family

Her strength is building the relationship as you both work together for the same end

Wise husbands value & encourage her strength

Do what they can to nourish her and care for her so she can remain strong

Honour Her Hard work

This husband is well-known, successful, driven

He has honoured his wife’s hard work by working hard himself

He hasn’t lived off of her hard work & found a comfy, desk job with no responsibility

He pursues to be the best at what he does, to provide what his family needs

Doesn’t mean you have to pursue a CEO position or be chasing wealth & prestige

It means don’t be lazy, work hard and do your best in all you do

It means pursue your purpose, your calling with strength

You honour your wife’s hard work by being a hard worker

Be a Praising Man

Proverbs 31:28 “28 Her children rise up and call her blessed; Her husband also, and he praises her:”

Proverbs 31:30–31 “30 Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, But a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised. 31 Give her of the fruit of her hands, And let her own works praise her in the gates.”

A Man that Praises His Wife

Praise Her

Clearly a virtuous woman should be praised for the excellence of her work

She should be honoured by you for all of the good that she does

Don’t just praise her work - Praise Her

Praise her for the character she has that results in praiseworthy works

Praise her for her beauty

Praise her for her growing spirituality

Praise her for her fellowship and companionship

I’m not really a follower of the ‘Love Languages’ thing but I do know there are many different ways that you can express praise to your wife

Praising Her Nourishes Her

Godly man doesn’t just praise a godly wife because of the results

A godly man recognises praise cultivates the environment, nourishes the soul

You don’t tell your plants I’ll water when you produce a flower, the water nourishes so the plant can produce the flower

Nourish the soul of your wife’s soul with praise

A Man that Takes Joy in Her Joy

Take Pleasure in Her Reward

Rejoice with her as she reaps the rewards of her work

Celebrate with her & give her the credit she is due

Rejoice with her as she sees her children happy because of her work

Teach your children to give her praise - lead by example

Help her enjoy life by seeing the fruits of her labour, experiencing the goodness of it

A man who doesn’t find pleasure in his wife’s strength & doesn’t help strengthen her is a weak man

He doesn’t want a help meet but just a hand maid

Her life isn’t meant to be endless toil

Take Pleasure in Her Growth

Wise man finds joy in his virtuous wife, praises her and helps her enjoy life because he takes pleasure in seeing her grow

As the wise man and wise woman fear God they grow stronger together

Conclusion

Who can find a virtuous woman? Being a virtuous man is a good place to start

I want my daughters to become virtuous women

If they must get married, I want them to marry excellent men

How will they know what that looks like?

I want my son to marry a virtuous woman

So, I want him to grow up to be an excellent man

How will he know what that looks like?

One of the most powerful ways is if I am an excellent man

I married a virtuous, excellent woman and I need to be a man worthy of that excellence

That is a huge responsibilty but a wise man knows he must carry it

We will not be perfect men but by pursuing Christ we will be increasingly wise men

Men lets be the excellent the men that our wives deserve, let’s be the excellent men that honour God

For you young men:

To find a wife is a good thing & comes with God’s blessing (Prov. 18:22)

To find a wife that you can enjoy life with and rejoice with, a virtuous woman, start developing the right character

As we pursue to be excellent men, and you ladies pursue to be excellent women, our marriages will grow stronger, our families will prosper and God will be glorified

We must also remember that we’re not to be excellent, virtuous men & women because our spouses deserve it