Biblical Friendship
Notes
Transcript
Scripture Reference:
17 A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.
Friends is one of those words that has lost much of its meaning. We have thousands of “friends” on social media, but many of them are people we hardly see and barely know. Even before Facebook, the term “friend” had come to mean just about anybody we are acquainted with. But the Bible uses the term “friend” to mean something deeper, something akin to what we might call “best friends.” Such friendships are both necessary and rare. It can be easy to blame technology for the ways in which our lives have become distanced and isolated from each other. But the truth is that developing friendship has always been challenging. It requires being intentional and wise. That is why the Book of Proverbs is full of wisdom about what friendship is for and how to pursue meaningful ones.
Today will be a little bit of a Bible drill. The verses we are looking at are scattered through the book, but when you piece them together, they form a powerful picture of Biblical friendship.
A Friend Changes You
A Friend Changes You
It is tempting to start a study of friendship with all the flowery and beautiful proverbs about friends (don’t worry, we will look at those), but the truth is proverbs makes a point to tell us to be careful who we let into our lives. Friendship changes a person. Be careful about the people you allow into the deepest part of your life.
24 Make no friendship with a man given to anger, nor go with a wrathful man,
25 lest you learn his ways and entangle yourself in a snare.
This isn’t a call to disassociate with certain people. It is a reminder that the people we let into our lives transform us. We desire for good to transform bad, but the truth is that more often than not it goes the other way.
33 Do not be deceived: “Bad company ruins good morals.”
20 Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm.
We are called to love everyone. But the people we allow deep into our lives should be people who will transform us for the better. We become like those with whom we spend the most time, so get close to people who you want to be like.
A Friend Cares
24 A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.
Many of the friendly acquaintances we develop are relationships of convenience, people we share proximity with. You work or live near them, or share some hobby that puts you routinely together. But the moment you move, or a schedule changes and you are no longer routinely put in contact with them, the friendship fizzles. Such acquaintances are enjoyable and important. They can even be the soil from which true friendship emerges, but true friendship is revealed in the midst of hardship. True friends intentionally choose to stay close when it would be more convenient to go with the way the world is pulling you.
17 A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.
A sure sign of a true friend is someone who will stick with you in hard times. Life is messy. Most of us have enough mess in our own lives without adding someone else’s to it. A true friend cares enough to put up with the inconveniences of life and the adversity we all experience. Sometimes it is the very adversity we encounter that can transform an acquaintance into a true friend. Going with a person through hardship has the capacity to transform a relationship.
A Friend is Conscientious
A Friend is Conscientious
One common attribute that many people associate with true friendship is familiarity. We imagine friends as people who know the in’s and out’s of other people’s lives and are comfortable being themselves around each other. Sincerity and honesty are definitely keys to friendship. Feeling like you need to pretend around someone is never a recipe for growing a friendship. On the other hand, there is a form of familiarity that is actually a kind of disrespect. True friends understand what the other person needs to be healthy and gives them room when they need it.
17 Let your foot be seldom in your neighbor’s house, lest he have his fill of you and hate you.
This is about having healthy boundaries. We sometimes use words like “extrovert” and “introvert” to discuss the ways which we all have differing degrees of need when it comes to social interaction. This proverb reminds us that a friend focuses on giving what the other person needs rather than seeking what they themselves want.
14 Whoever blesses his neighbor with a loud voice, rising early in the morning, will be counted as cursing.
We love our kids. But sometimes we don’t love when they wake us up early. This is another proverb about the respect friends give each other. Even a blessing can become a curse when it is offered at the wrong time. This proverb mentions waking a person early, but it could also mean interrupting his work or other ways in which we intrude on people. It might be a good thing we are intruding with, but ultimately it will be seen as an intrusion and not a blessing. A true friend knows when he can bother a friend and when he needs to give him some space.
A Friend Counsels, Corrects, and Confronts
A Friend Counsels, Corrects, and Confronts
A friend cares more than just having a good time with you. They care about you. One aspect of caring about someone is wanting them to be the best version of themselves, or more accurately, the fullest expression of whom God created them to be. Because of that a friend counsels, and even corrects and confronts. Such experiences can be painful. Being true friends means being willing to do it when necessary and being willing to receive it when necessary. These are some proverbs that can help us do that.
9 Oil and perfume make the heart glad, and the sweetness of a friend comes from his earnest counsel.
Life is confusing sometimes. Having people who can help you navigate the chaos is essential. God puts people in our lives to help us choose wisely in tough circumstances. Sometimes we want someone else to choose for us. Sometimes we want someone to confirm us in our choices. A friend’s counsel is neither of these things. Counsel is advice, guidance, and perspective. It is information to help you choose well. But the choice is still ours. Learning to listen to counsel then choose wisely is a key aspect of true friendship.
17 Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.
This proverb explains not just THAT friendship transforms us, but HOW it does so. Iron sharpens iron by friction. When it happens, sometimes sparks fly. This shows us that friendship isn’t primarily for our comfort. It is for our sanctification. We all have rough edges that need to be sanded down. God uses friends to do some of the sanding. Like the correction of a father, the correction of a friend is designed not to humiliate or condemn but to sharpen.
6 Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses of an enemy.
Being confronted or experiencing conflict can be hard. No one likes being told hard truth. This proverb reminds us to trust a friend’s heart even when their words may not be what we want to hear. The wounds of a friend are like the cuts of a surgeon, done to heal not to harm.
A Friend Cuts Slack
A Friend Cuts Slack
Sometimes, however, we can take confrontation too far. Sometimes we use the familiarity with someone as an excuse to vent our own frustration or to criticize mercilessly. Sometimes what we have to learn is to stop confronting someone about every last little thing they do. Friends cut each other slack.
9 Whoever covers an offense seeks love, but he who repeats a matter separates close friends.
This proverb doesn’t mean that friends help friends cover up crimes, nor does it mean that we should overlook repeated destructive behavior. This proverb is a reminder to give people room to grow. When we mess up, we don’t need someone else complaining about us to other people, or airing our dirty laundry to other people. This proverb encourages us to pursue reconciliation and love even in the midst of conflict. A friend can overlook an offense. A friend can confront you without talking bad about you to others. A friend seeks love.
Conclusion:
As the Bible just told us there is a biblical way in which we can develop healthy friendships. Our friendships can change or influence us so we need to be aware of who we form close relationships with. Friends care about one another and are conscientious meaning they consider others feelings and not always what they want to do. Friends counsel, correct and confirm one another in the proper loving way. Also, friends cut each other slack and are not hypercritical of one another. And lastly, good godly friends operate with brotherly and sisterly love towards one another. May we operate as a church family with healthy biblically based friendships that will stand the test of time.
Prayer