Our Need for Love

Classic romances and fairy tail endings are wonderful. We all long to see romantic love be genuine, spontaneous, and everlasting. That’s why we say, “and they loved happily ever after”.

No one wants to follow a romance to the point where the story reads:

And they fought all the time because they couldn’t pay the bills . . . ever after.

And they found love in the arms of another and blew up their marriage . . . ever after.

And they had kids which they chose to love instead of each other and it drove them to divorce . . . ever after.

They loved their hobbies more than their spouse and bitterness grew . . . ever after.

No one wants to read that book, or watch that movie.

Perhaps we watch that story if in the end they repent and turn back to their first love and are reconciled to each other. . . ever after.

God’s design for love creates the greatest romances!

Design: Oneness

Genesis 2:20–25 ESV

20 The man gave names to all livestock and to the birds of the heavens and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper fit for him. 21 So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. 22 And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. 23 Then the man said, “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.” 24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. 25 And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.

Our design was to be one with our spouse in a perfect world where our needs are met and our goals are in perfect harmony. The initial design was put in place for a union without sin. This picture of a marriage is still the goal but it is impossible to obtain that level of unity if sin remains.

Ask yourselves these questions:

If I am one with my spouse and I sin . . . who does that effect?

If I am one with my spouse and I am hiding something . . . what does that cause?

If I am one with my spouse but I put the needs wants and desires of my child or friends, or self, in front of the needs, wants, and desires of my spouse . . . What does that say?

If I am one with my spouse and I lust after someone else . . . What does that destroy?

If I am one with my spouse and I do not meet their needs . . . Where will their needs get met?

In a oneness relationship everything we do impacts our spouse. Every attitude, every choice, every priority, every sin, everything.

If I choose to walk with God . . . it will impact my spouse.

So God’s design is perfect unity . . . it is oneness. What example do we follow knowing that oneness is still the goal but our context is now imperfect because of sin?

Example: Selflessness

Our example is selflessness. Let’s look at God’s love.

God’s Love

Romans 5:6–11 ESV

6 For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. 7 For one will scarcely die for a righteous person—though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die— 8 but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. 9 Since, therefore, we have now been justified by his blood, much more shall we be saved by him from the wrath of God. 10 For if while we were enemies we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son, much more, now that we are reconciled, shall we be saved by his life. 11 More than that, we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.

God sees our weak and unfaithful hearts. (vs.6)

God’s love looks beyond our failure to meet our need. (vs. 7-8)

God counted us as enemies and sacrificed for us anyway. (vs. 9-10)

Through His love he reconciled us. (vs. 11)

Through His steadfast love, God enabled us to love Him.

Selfless love . . . even in the face of sin . . . gives the other person the opportunity and at times even the strength to turn around and seek reconciliation.

Goal: Unity in Love

Philippians 2:1–4 ESV

1 So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, 2 complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. 3 Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. 4 Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.

A place to start when considering the needs of the other person. Let’s consider the concept of the 5 love languages as developed by Gary Chapman.

Consider the 5 love languages

Words of Affirmation

Do: Encourage with spoken and written words

Don’t: Overlook efforts without expressing thanks or gratitude.

Physical Touch

Do: Express love with physical touch from hugs and hand holding to love making.

Don’t: Hold back physical affection or brush it off as unnecessary.

Receiving Gifts

Do: Give thoughtful gifts that show your spouse they are a priority to you.

Don’t: Forget special occasions or be unenthusiastic about giving gifts. Do not be careless about gift giving.

Quality Time

Do: Spend one-on-one time together. Make special memories that are just about being together.

Don’t: Do not invite other people. Focus on the time together without distractions.

Acts of Service

Do: Find ways to serve by doing chores, working on projects, helping to lighten their load.

Don’t: Do not leave projects that are important to the other person undone. Finish what you start.

We need them all.

If one of these is missing in your life. You don’t like it and won’t allow it into your sphere, what will happen to your relationships with others who express love in this way?

We tend toward selfishness.

For most people, the easiest way to love is the way they like to receive love. A person who likes physical touch will express love that way. A person who appreciates acts of service will tend to love in that way.

We must consider others, rather than ourselves.

If you struggle to do one of these forms of love, train yourself to love in that way for the sake of others.

Pay attention to others needs so you can love them in the best way.

By loving in this way, we mirror the way that God loves us and has expressed that love.

Romance is most powerfully experienced when we grow as one through our selfless love for one another.

Whether you are a Grandparent teaching the next generation, a parent training up your kids, a spouse working at oneness with your spouse, or you are single looking for love or to help other people love better these principles call us to live out a Godly view of romance.

May this Valentines Day be about a lot more than just worldly fluff. This year, selflessly look for the way you can love people in the same manor that God has loved you.

Related Media

Related Sermons