Conceit, or pride, often underlies rivalry. Today we would think of those whose big egos create personal factions, something we occasionally witness among politicians and also, sadly, church leaders. It is the attitude that says, ‘I know best and my way is the only way’.

This means putting aside one’s own sense of superiority and looking for the insights of others. This doesn’t mean that I must discount my own knowledge and experience, but at the least I must listen to and reflect on the views of others, and if appropriate acknowledge the value of those views.

For most of my childhood, I didn’t know I was weird. I grew up homeschooled, and most of my friends came from conservative Christian households similar to my own. When I finally figured it out, I embarked on a series of attempts to fit in. Often that meant repeating jokes I didn’t understand, quoting movies other people liked, or pretending to be familiar with music I didn’t listen to.

I became an expert on a topic overnight in an effort to create a niche for myself. My contributions to conversation always began with things like, “That’s nothing. One time, I …” And while there was nothing inherently wrong with my desire to have friends and fit in, my attempts at belonging became unhealthy when my goal changed from finding human connection to establishing my own importance.

My mother was the first to suggest that seeking to be the center of attention was not the best way to make new friends. Instead, she suggested, “Find someone at the party who doesn’t have anyone to talk to. If you can make their night better, you’ll end up having fun too.”

If we weed out those who are not truly born again and look only at the relationships among the real disciples of Christ, there is much to celebrate. Thousands of charitable organizations have been created by Christians working together in harmony. They are not “always” arguing. Most Spirit-filled churches have a large core of solid Christians who unselfishly use their time, talents, and money to serve their church and community without bickering.