The Godly Husband
Notes
Transcript
What is a man? If you ask that question to 100 men, you are likely to get 100 different answers. While we may see overlap in those answers, they will not all answer in the same way or say the same things. We know a man is not simply biology. It is one thing to be male, but it is another thing to be a man. At what point does one become a man? More importantly, what is God’s expectations for a man, particularly for godly husbands?
As we continue to explore concepts of marriage and family, today we will discuss what it means to be a godly husband. It stands to reason that if our marriages are God-ordained, then they ought to be Godly. The second part of our mission statement is very intentional. We aim to help people find forever family through Christ-centered relationships. Christ-centered relationships is the vehicle or avenue in which we strive to achieve the mission. We believe that every relationship, no matter the context, should have Christ at its center, especially our marriages.
The Bible has much to say about marriage, but the most extensive portion of scripture addressing marriage is found in Ephesians chapter 5. We are going to cover these verses at great length over the next two weeks as we look at husbands and wives.
Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord.
For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body.
But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her,
so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word,
that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless.
So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself;
for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church,
because we are members of His body.
For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and shall be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.
This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church.
Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.
Ladies, we will focus more on your role next week. Today, we are addressing husbands. It is the call of every Christian husband to live out his calling by following three principles.
Own the responsibility to lead.
Own the responsibility to lead.
I want you to pause for a second and count the verses that address the wives and compare them to the verses that address the husbands. Where do you think the emphasis is? Where is the burden of responsibility laid? The section about husbands is three times longer than that of wives. In verse 23 the husband is called the head of the wife, as Christ is head of the church. As I said last week, one of the purposes of marriage is to illustrate the relationship between Christ and his church. But as Jesus is the head of the church, the husband is the head of the home. We saw this in the first marriage in Genesis 2 when Adam was given responsibility to name even his wife. The example set forth for us in the Bible is male headship. That is, men are the primary responsible parties for leadership in the home. This does not mean that women cannot lead, but it does mean that wives lead under the leadership of their husbands, who lead under the leadership of Christ. As the man gets his guidance from the Lord, he leads his wife to pursue it, so they are both pursuing that together.
Our society today resists and outright challenges this idea of male headship. They do so for a variety of reasons. The feminist movement seeks to establish gender equality in the political, social, and economic landscapes. There has been the resistance to the notion that women must be homemakers and stay home to raise children, and all sorts of other traditional women’s roles. There have been both good and bad things coming from that movement, but the real reason there is such friction there is because there has been an ongoing struggle between man and woman for all time. Genesis 3 records the fall of man and God spells out curses on the serpent, man, and woman. In Genesis 3:16, God says:
To the woman He said,
“I will greatly multiply
Your pain in childbirth,
In pain you will bring forth children;
Yet your desire will be for your husband,
And he will rule over you.”
Now, desire here speaks to control. What God is saying is that the woman will desire her husband’s position and role, but the husband will retain his role over her. Where there would have been marital harmony, there is now friction. God established male headship in the home and that responsibility now comes with a struggle for authority.
But if a man is going to live out his calling before God, he must own the responsibility to lead. The husband and the wife must agree that while both are essential to the leadership of the home, God has uniquely called men to shoulder the responsibility for that leadership. The problem has been that we have either mishandled that responsibility or we have ignored that responsibility. Every time that happens, we begin to lose the picture of what a Christian marriage is supposed to look like.
Gentlemen, own your responsibility to lead your families in Christlikeness. When you lead your wife, you must lead in such a way that she would say she is more like Jesus because of your leadership. When you lead your kids (though most of you have grown kids), you are to lead in such a way that your kids are more like Jesus because of your leadership in the home. This is the beginning of living out your calling as Christian men. This is followed by modeling sacrificial love.
Model sacrificial love.
Model sacrificial love.
Owning the responsibility to lead means to lead like Jesus would lead. “Husbands, love your wives” is a command. “just as Christ also loved the church” establishes the model. “And gave himself up for her” demonstrates how. Christ gave himself up for the church through the sacrifice he made on the cross on our behalf. Jesus made the greatest sacrifice by exchanging his life for ours. It is a sacrificial love. He modeled sacrificial love while he was here on earth, culminating in his death, burial, and resurrection.
Men, this is perhaps the greatest lesson we must learn. We have to learn it again and again because we are inherently selfish beings with ego problems. Our selfish wills are being overcome with Christlikeness as we put to death the desires of the flesh. As Christ works out sanctification, the process in which we become more like him, the things that are not of God fade from our lives.
Sacrificial love means that my own needs or desires fall far down the priority list. It means I live for the satisfaction of my wife first. As Christ loves the church, he sanctifies her, cleanses her, and presents her as holy and blameless. A husband is a godly husband when he leads his wife in greater devotion to Jesus Christ. Husbands, there are certain aspects of your wife’s walk with the Lord and your children’s walks with the Lord that are their responsibility. But there is an aspect of that walk that is your responsibility. You are to make the sacrifices necessary to help your family pursue Jesus.
Sacrifice looks like delaying your own plans, hobbies, or comforts to make sure your family is taken care of. Sacrifice means that I will work two jobs to give my wife the opportunity to stay home and raise our child if that’s what we decide to do. Sacrifice means that I don’t go off for a weekend without discussing that plan with my wife and we plan on that together. Sacrifice means that I don’t watch that movie, TV show, or play that video game while there are still things around the house that need to be done. Sacrifice means I delay pursuing the things I want until I make sure my family has what they need.
My wife needs a companion she can vent things to. She needs someone who will fold laundry, mow the lawn, pay bills, make dinner, and provide stability for the household. My daughter is going to need a dad who is present, not one who lives behind his phone screen or is so consumed with work that he is not available. She is going to need a father who will discipline her and guide her into what loving Jesus will look like. That simply means I must say no to myself at times. My wife shares in this responsibility as my helper, but it is my joy to lay down my life for my family. Owning the responsibility for leadership leads to a willingness to sacrifice one’s own desires for the sake of his family.
Understand the one flesh dynamic.
Understand the one flesh dynamic.
Paul says that husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. No man hates his own body. He nourishes and cherishes it. He takes care of it. What man do you know that hates his body and seeks to tear it up? We may have bad diets or suffer injuries, but none of us really want to lose an arm, a leg, or anything else. Christ loves the church in the same way. He loves the church has his own body, because we are his own body.
This is where analogies get muddy, but the church is the body of Christ. He treats us as he would treat his own body. He nurtures and cherishes it. He tends to it in a way that builds it up, not tears it down. In the middle of this, Paul quotes Genesis 2:24, bringing up again the one flesh reality. There is a unification between husband and wife to such a degree that what I do to my wife, I do to myself. This should give us great pause to consider how we treat our wives. When we look at our wives, we must not only see a distinctly unique individual made in the image of God. We must see ourselves.
What if we bore the scars of the trauma we caused our spouses? We would change the way we treat them in a heartbeat. What we do to our wives, we do to ourselves. The one flesh dynamic means that you are linked. When you fight with your spouse, when you choose to satisfy your own desires over hers, when you choose selfishness above selfless sacrifice, you don’t do those things to her alone. Both of you are affected. Both of you suffer. There is no me versus her. There is only us. If we don’t understand this, we cannot live out godly marriages. We must not see our wives as one who is someone who lives with us. We must see our wives as a part of us to such a degree that what we do to them, we do to ourselves.
Husbands, love your wives. For when you do, you love yourself. When we love our wives this way, we represent Christ well.
As with last week, there are a couple resources on RightNow Media I want to point you to. The first is called Play the Man by Mark Batterson, which is a four session video series. The second is called Stepping Up by Dennis Rainey, which is 10 sessions. Both are a great starting point if you want to explore further what God has in mind for biblical manhood. Gentlemen, let’s be the men God has called us to be.